Friday, May 31, 2019

Fat Friday #2: A Constant Barrage of Hate Leads to Suicide Ideation--Shocker!

Dear Debby Ryan:
Your garbage fat suit doesn't look anything like an actual fat person's body or face. Fuck right off with that shit.
An Actual Fat Person Who Is Sick to Death of This Kind of Bullshit

This is a response to a post on Medium Daily Digest by Your Fat Friend.
A lot of the time, Medium Daily Digest is a trash fire of self-congratulatory mental masturbation. However, there are a few pearls of wisdom among the rubbish. This post is one of those pearls.

The following is my response to said post:
Oh, Honey, if I could reach through the computer and hug you, I would.
I will tell you first off that I'm a fat adult. I'm also a mythological creature. I'm a fat adult who is food insecure. I only eat one or two meals a day. I am not so disabled that I can't work at all, but I can't work anything even close to full time. I don't get food benefits. But I can't possibly exist because fat people are constantly stuffing our faces, amirite? The thing that makes my situation even worse is the fact that not only does the entire world think I'm a glutton when I'm half-starved, there is this horrible personality in my brain whom we can call ED.
As you may have guessed, ED stands for Eating Disorder.
ED praises me when I starve myself.
The thing is, all of society's revulsion and all of ED's praise don't mean doodly squat. I'm still fat. Not "a little bit chunky" fat. Full on fat. 300 pounds fat.
With all of my endocrine problems, it's extremely unlikely that I'll ever be anything but fat.
I yo-yo dieted, engaged in orthorexia, and tried to hate myself thin for 33 years.
When I was young, I would lose weight with my dieting attempts. It always came back with friends. Once I was in my late 30's, the weight stopped coming off. 
I finally discovered size acceptance and Health at Every Size.
Maybe if I'd stop receiving constant messages that I'm disgusting and worthless, I wouldn't always be thinking that I wish I had the courage to end things. Believe me, I hate myself. I despise what I see in the mirror. I think I'm the worst kind of failure. I'm not even allowed to see myself in a neutral light, let alone a positive one.
Shows like "Insatiable" do nothing to help. 
By the way, is that trash still on? I gave it a thumbs down immediately. I was utterly disgusted. When I was still able to work as a home care nurse, I would sometimes watch the Disney channel with my patient. I thought that Insatiable's star, Debby Ryan, had created a really cute show with "Jessie," which she both produced and played the lead role. I was utterly disgusted with her for going along with this "Insatiable" garbage.
You're fine the way you are. I'm fine the way I am. It's our society that's messed up and wrong.

Here's a link to my comment if you want to give me hand claps for it or something.

Fat people are not here to be the butt of your shitty jokes for your shitty TV show or anywhere else. 
Fat people are bullied to the point of mutilating our bodies and sometimes to the point of suicide, and society sanctions this behavior.
Fuck right off with that shit. If you're the kind of person who sanctions bullying and scapegoating, you need to check yourself, because you're an asshole.
Also, fuck your concern trolling about fat people's "health." If you care so much about my "health," give me some fucking money so I can purchase adequate food. That will go a long way to improving my health.
Oh, but I can only be "healthy" if I'm fuckable in your eyes?
That's what I thought.
Fuck right off with that shit.


Thursday, May 30, 2019

FOAD Thursday: To All The People Who Made Me Think I Was Stupid

Slow on the uptake, maybe, but not stupid.
I say "slow on the uptake," because it took me 54 years to realize that there were a lot of people who were full of a lot of shit who made me feel bad about myself for no other reason than I do life differently than they think I should.
There was the school psychologist in sixth grade who told my parents that I was borderline retarded because I had trouble with the pattern recognition portion of the I.Q. test. Even though I was writing at an eighth-grade level when I was in fifth grade, I supposed that I must just be stupid, because in sixth grade the teacher gave me an F on my story for following my outline too closely. He said that I must have written the outline after the story, which I did, but only because he said that we would be docked points if we didn't follow the outline we wrote for our stories closely. I don't and can't write that way, so I wrote the story first.
About ten years later, I learned that I was actually somewhat dyslexic, particularly when it came to numbers and patterns. Didn't stop me from thinking I was stupid, though.
To Gina or Tina or whatever your name was in the eighth grade who sneeringly called me a space cadet.
I think about too many things at once and have a tendency to go off in multiple directions. It may be somewhat frustrating to deal with a person who's like that, but it isn't an indication of stupidity. There are many intelligent people whose thoughts tend to be scattered. It might be an indication of ADD/ADHD, but not a dull mind. Anyway, I can't even remember what your name was, so I don't think you really matter in the scheme of things.
To all those along the way who have called me stupid, an airhead, a flake, and a loser, at long last, I say "fuck you."
Yes, I can be kind of a flake sometimes. I have a bad habit of agreeing to do things when I'm emotionally in a good place and then wanting to run and hide when I actually have to do them because I'm afraid I'm just going to screw them up. I'm a bad fit for a normal job because of this tendency. 
Being a bad fit for normal jobs doesn't make me lazy or stupid. It only makes me a bad fit for normal jobs.
Overly sensitive? Yes, probably, although there are plenty of people who are extremely insensitive, so it can be a push.
Defensive? Rather definitely.
Weird sense of humor that most people don't understand? Guilty as charged.
Weird in general and doesn't fit in with normal society? Absolutely.
Depressive, introverted, geeky, withdrawn, and possibly not even actually from this planet? Indeed.
You don't get to hurt me with that one anymore, because it isn't true.
I may not have figured out how to use the weird gifts I was given in a lucrative way, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid. It just means that playing by the rules doesn't work for me.


Wednesday, May 29, 2019

WTF Wednesday: Assholes Will be Assholes

The following was written in response to a post by a person who has been accused by family members and so-called friends of lying about her illnesses, including cancer, because she "just doesn't look sick" and "doesn't act like she's in pain" and her attitude is "just TOO positive."

I find your approach enviable, and I don't find you pitiable at all. Yes, I'm sorry you've had to deal with cancer because I know cancer can take a lot out of a person, but I do not offer pity because pity is something no-one wants.
The best I can muster a lot of the time for the crap I deal with is an IDGAF attitude. I can't say I celebrate the hand I've been given. Then again, I do better with it when people aren't pitying me. I once said that I don't think I'd know how to navigate life without the lens of bipolar disorder, because I've never not had bipolar disorder. So, if I were given a cure for bipolar disorder, I wouldn't take it. People freak out when they hear things like that. Why wouldn't I want to be "normal?"
I can't say I think bipolar disorder is a "gift." Before it was correctly diagnosed, it wreaked a lot of havoc. It just happens to be something that twists the control knobs in my brain in different directions than most people's brains. It can't be "cured," and I wouldn't take the "cure" if it could be.
If there were a cure for all my endocrine problems, I'd take it, because I hate having no energy. I've been tired my entire life, and it's gotten worse in middle age. People have no sympathy for that sort of thing because the illness is invisible. "Well, if you'd just get up and get going..." Yeah, if I had a penny for every time I heard that I'd have enough money to hire someone to get up and get going for me! Not that I'd actually want to do that.
I truly believe in accepting people as they are, and I don't believe in pathologizing people. Nobody lives forever. I wish my attitude could be more like yours, but I tend to be a bit of a gloomy cuss by nature, and no, it isn't a "choice." 


Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Stupid Is...

I am well aware that my presence has no meaning in anyone's life

Trying to host a blog hop when you are about as popular as owl dung.
I really don't know what made me think that anyone would participate in a blog hop I hosted.
As it always was in real life, when I give a party, nobody comes.
Even to a party where you don't have to bring gifts.
I'm also no longer welcome at some of the photoblog hops I used to participate in because I'm not a professional quality photographer and I got my feelings hurt by a joke someone made at my expense. 
Further, I've received no personal emails from anyone since my Gmail account got hacked and I can't be sure if it's because my emails to people are now being sent to their Spam folder (turns out this was happening with my emails to my brother) or because people are trying to hint to me that they want me to fuck off.
I am not feeling very good about myself right now at all.
I was going to write a Tackle It Tuesday today, but the only thing I want to tackle is working up the courage to actually off myself instead of just having another dumb day of suicide ideation. I know everyone would cheer if I finally just fucking did it instead of thinking about it and never pulling the trigger, so to speak. (I don't even own a gun, so I'm not going to off myself that way.)
I also know ain't nobody reading this. I could say I was going to burn down an entire city and mean it, and nobody would give a fuck.
I'm too damn lazy to burn down a city, and I'm not a pyromaniac. I like fire well enough in its place, but that place tends to be a fireplace or a BBQ grill. I'm not a fan of arson.
The thing that sucks is when I get into a place where I think "fuck it, nobody's listening anyway, so I'm going to tell it like it really is," and then people get up in my face for telling it like it really is.
So, then I go back to being more measured in my approach, and I get no response.
Let me just say this.
Fuck everything.
One day I will off myself, and then the world will...
Not give one single fuck. 
And that's the reality of things.
Stupid is...
My very existence.
Believe me, I'm sick to death of me too.

Monday, May 27, 2019

About Me Monday #2

Today's About Me Monday is actually about my late maternal grandmother.
The following is a response to this post on We Hunted The Mammoth in which one belligerent brain trust of an "incel" stated that he likes to body-slam bitches who dare to look at him while he's walking past. Several people called bullshit. One said he probably reserves his tough guy act for vulnerable girls in their early teens and elderly women with canes.
These were my thoughts on the matter.
RE: the "body slammer" and elderly women with canes
Just remembering my late maternal grandmother. She would have taken up her cane and whaled on his ass. Where my grandmother went to school, they had outhouses, and there was a knothole in one side of the girl's outhouse. There was a boy who would stick his John Thomas through the knothole to make the girls scream.
One day my grandmother was in the outhouse when he decided to do his thing. She whacked old J.T. smack on the head with a ruler. The exhibitionistic young fellow ran off screaming and never introduced John Thomas into the girls' outhouse again.
My grandmother was raised as a fire-and-brimstone Baptist Christian, but she was no stranger to raising some hell when it was called for.
For those who are wondering, "incel" is code for "Involuntary Celibate." These assholes like to blame everything (particularly women) for their inability to get laid. They refuse to look at the fact that being belligerent sociopathic shits who badmouth everyone is what prevents them from getting laid. When you refer to women as "foids" (short for Femoid), your own mother as a used-up slut who rode the cock carousel for years before finally settling for your beta cuck father, and spend your time staring at your sister's "Chad" of a boyfriend with lust--excuse me, I mean glowering at him intimidatingly--you need look no further than yourself for why no-one wants you around. And no, it isn't because you aren't a "Chad." (In incel-speak, Chad is code for a hunky white guy, usually blond. Hunky black guys are Tyrone.) It's because you have the personality of a compost heap.
Feel free to share a link to a post about you or a cool relative of yours on the Mister Linky!


Sunday, May 26, 2019

Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation #86 + Weekend Mini Challenge: A Portrait of Dystopia

Dystopian Portrait
Photoshop Manipulation by The Real Cie

Utopia was
Only ever a sad lie
Flawless fallacy
Pretty cars, pretty people
Not a place for those like me


Today I found a couple of great prompts and flipped them upside down. 
The Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation prompt asks us to examine the concept of utopia in a Haiku or Tanka. Mine is more a Senryu than a Haiku. I do not question the existence of Utopia, but I postulate that it is more like Metropolis. It exists for a very small percentage of people. Most people are on the outside looking in, and some are completely crushed beneath the boots of the beautiful and careless dwellers of Utopia.
So, what portrait did I paint?
That of one of the people crushed beneath unrealistic expectations of beauty and brilliance and casually cast aside, not worthy of any sort of rescue because they do not adhere to society's standards of prettiness.
The person in the portrait is me. I chose it because I was sitting at a rather dismal-looking bus stop on the day of the 2017 Women's March. I would learn that day that not only had my health deteriorated more than I previously realized, but people are utterly self-absorbed, even the ones who claim to be "progressive" in their approach.
I managed to get through the entire march, which is a miracle in itself considering that I almost stopped several times along the way because I was becoming weak, but I had also become confused enough that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find my way back to the bus stop. 
When the bus stopped, everyone else shoved on board and the bus driver told me he wouldn't be able to take me. I said I understood, and I understood his position, but I kind of thought all those other people were assholes. I started feeling that wouldn't have happened to me if I was young and pretty.
 I was ravenously hungry. I had a Snickers bar, but I was trying to conserve it for "the right moment." With a lifetime living with ED (stands for Eating Disorder), I had learned to deny myself food up until things became critical. They were critical, but not critical enough.
I got on the next bus about a half hour later and had to stand. I was wobbling all over and my eyes were rolling back in my head. Exactly nobody gave any fucks. In fact, one spectacular dudebro about my age chortled and said: "I had to stand all the way there, now it's your turn."
Despite the fact that my eyes were glazed over, I managed a withering glare and said in a steely if somewhat shaky voice: "Buddy, I had to stand the whole way there too. Don't even try to pull that crap on me!"
He turned away and noticed a confused-looking young woman holding a bus schedule. He grinned and invited her to sit down in his seat. She didn't speak much English. He leaned in close to her in order to better "help" her, I suppose, because he was just a helpful kind of guy, at least if the person in need of help was a pretty young woman.
When a seat finally opened up, I scooted my ass into it as quickly as I could and scarfed the Snickers bar as if I hadn't eaten in a year. By the time I got off the bus, my feet were swollen and aching so badly I could hardly walk. This time, however, an angel appeared in the form of a very sweet Latina lady in her late 30's or early 40's who offered me a ride. I thanked her profusely. After the callousness I'd just experienced, her generosity brought tears to my eyes.
I knew at that point that I could no longer take part in events such as marches because I was no longer strong enough to do so physically.
I lost my job a couple months later because I became extremely ill and was pushed to keep working by my supervisor in spite of having a serious respiratory infection. I had a small stroke while working one night and ended up getting fired. Once my savings were gone, which happened reasonably quickly, I ended up living in poverty and have been there ever since. If it weren't for my son allowing me to couch-surf, I'd be sleeping in my car.
Utopia exists for a very small percentage of people. I used to dream of being something wonderful, of being a star, but over the years I've come to see that often those dreams end as nightmares.
So, you have a portrait of the kind of person that society doesn't want to acknowledge even though there are a lot more of us than most people care to think, and my skepticism that Utopia exists for anyone but the well-heeled in anyplace but dreams.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Strange Connections: Good People in Bad Romances

Other than substance addiction issues, one might not think that Bon Scott and Amy Winehouse have much in common. However, both of them were involved to the point of obsession with people who were incredibly bad for them, and although musically speaking they are both artists I can't get enough of, I have to stop listening after a fairly brief period of time because I know what and who they're singing about and it's really depressing.
The other issue is the fact that I can relate all too well to being obsessed with a person who is really, really, really horrible for you. I did it more than once. People think that all-consuming "love" is wonderful. It's anything but, and usually, it isn't really love, it's an obsession. So, yanno, no thanks to ending up in the ER with bloody wrists over some asshole who doesn't deserve my pain. Better to be alone than to be with someone toxic.
Although, unfortunately, in my case, more often than not, I'm alone in bad company.
Plus, in the case of AC/DC, I can only listen for just so long (and that isn't long these days) before I start getting really pissed off about the way Malcolm Young went out. Dementia is the absolute fucking worst, particularly when it takes out someone whose intelligence was a key part of who they were. Malcolm Young was a high school dropout, but he was smarter than a lot of people with strings of letters behind their names.
The late Glen Campbell's wife said of dementia "It's better to die some other way," and she's absolutely right. Fuck dementia.
As Bob Seger once said, sometimes I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.


Friday, May 24, 2019

Fat Friday: Welcome to Fat Friday #1

Welcome to the first Fat Friday here at the Camp! I suppose you could call it Fat Camp, but this Fat Camp isn't trying to force you to lose weight. 
This Camp is all about sharing encouragement with your fellow fatties if you are fat, and with your fat friends if you aren't. 
Bring on the Fatspiration! 
Share some glorious Fatshion!
Share recipes, fat positive images, artwork, stories.
Share your struggles with accepting yourself as you are.
It's fine to share thoughts on your struggles with disordered eating. A lot of us are in the same boat.
Here is what isn't welcome on Fat Friday.
Any post promoting diet and weight loss culture. There are more than enough spaces for that. Links to such posts will be deleted. No Thinspo. No Fitspo. At the Camp, we are for Health at Every Size, not size normativity.
Also, while it may be tempting to do so because of all the hatred those of us with larger bodies have had to endure, please don't share posts with any "real women have curves" and "only dogs like bones" kind of statements. Real people come in all sizes. It isn't our intent to be hateful to thin people, only to try and make changes in a culture that says beauty only comes in one size.
Now that the rules are out of the way, feel free to share away!


Thursday, May 23, 2019

FOAD Thursday #1: The One Who Should FOAD Most Of All

Are you surprised?
This complete asswipe sociopath bastard shitgibbon despot, Cheeto Stalin, needs to fuck off and die more than pretty much everyone in the entire world, if not the entire Universe.
Except maybe for his supporters. They can fuck off and die too.
I'm so glad this fuckwad is in hot water.
I said to my son that I want to see him impeached so bad.
My son said he'd rather see him go to jail.
I said certainly that's what should follow impeachment.
Even if my life continues on the same dismal trajectory, it will be a glorious day when this fucking asshole gets what's coming to him.
For the good of all, Lord Dampnut seriously needs to fuck off and die.

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

WTF Wednesday: Those Damn Annoying Pop-Up Boxes

"Heyyyyyy, I see you're trying to read this post! But don't you want to fucking subscribe to my shit too? I'll only ask you every goddamn time you come back to the site, even if you've already subscribed, Bitch!"

If you know me, you know I have multiple blogs for the various different crap that I do. Check the Blogs of the Netherworld page for more information.

You want to know what none of these sites have or will ever have?
Those goddamn annoying pop-ups that appear right in the middle of the goddamn screen every fucking time you visit the page.
Why would I want to visit a page that is certain to piss me off?
Because some of these blogs have actual good information. But the first thing they do is piss me off with an annoying pop-up.
I am extra done with annoying pop-ups.
If you're going to have a "HEYYYY, YOU WANT TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS SHIT" pop-up, at least don't put it in the middle of the goddamn screen! Because you know what that makes readers want to do? Tell you to fuck off!
Advertising is a necessary evil. But I greatly prefer advertising which is informative rather than a form of psychic attack.
So what I want to know on this WTF Wednesday is WTF do I have to do to make those annoying-ass pop-ups fuck right the fuck off?
(Yeah, I'm in a foul mood this morning.)


Monday, May 20, 2019

About Me Monday #1: High School

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Let's don't beat about the bush, high school was the rat's ass. 
Hello and welcome to the new About Me Monday feature on the Crazy Creatives Cheerleading Camp. Today, I will be answering some questions about high school, as provided by Sparks from a Combustible Mind.

Did you know your current significant other? 
Let's make it clear right here that I am not romantically involved with any person currently alive on this planet. So, that would be a resounding NO.
Make and year of car? 
1978 Chevy Vega. It had a bent axle and I had to compensate for the fact that it always pulled to the right. It was a big adjustment when I got a car that didn't do that.
What kind of job? 
I worked putting inserts into the local newspaper, and man did we newspaper stuffers get higher than a kite sometimes.
Where did you live? 
I just called it Peyton Place.
Were you popular? 
Hell to the no.
Were you in choir? 
No. The choir teacher was a bitch and the band teacher was a dick. I was in band previously but in my senior year, I decided I was done with that shit.
Ever get suspended from school? 
No, but only because I never got caught.
If you could, would you go back? 
"Hey, Cie, if you could, would you go back to a place where you were bullied and ostracized and always getting in fights and where you couldn't fucking stand to be sober and people spread really shitty rumors about you?" Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
Still talk to the person that you went to prom with?
Did you skip school? 
Not in my senior year. I ditched all the time in my sophomore year and made up for it in my junior year by packing all my necessary credits in so I only had to show up for a couple of classes in my senior year. I was fucking done with that place.
Go to all the football games? 
Not after I'd kicked band to the curb. 
Favorite subject? 
Do you still have your yearbooks? 
Did you follow the career path you planned?
In this life, nothing has gone as planned.
Did you have a class ring? 
Still close with your best friend? 
Who was your favorite teacher? 
Mr. Farrar. He was my independent studies and communications teacher. He was a very nice man and he treated me like a human being.
What was your style? 
Rock band t-shirts and jeans.
Favorite shoes? 
Athletic shoes, although I don't think that chugging beer is considered a sport.
Favorite music? 
Hard rock and metal, although I did have a soft spot for certain pop and new wave songs.
High school Hair? 

The bangs were shorter, but it was a little bit something like this.
What kind of cologne/perfume? 
It was cheap and possibly stinky. I've always liked rose scents. There was a perfume you could buy at the dime store called Blue Waltz. It had a pretty bottle. I became allergic to perfumes and colognes and at this point only use essential oils.

How old when graduated? 
Did you play a sport?
When I was at the beginning of my sophomore year, I was trying to clean up my act. I joined the cross country team and came in dead last at our first meet. I was so ashamed that I quit and went back to my old ways. My former teammates all ridiculed and scorned me. Nothing but one good time after another in good ole Peyton Place!
The Cheese Hath Grated It

Sunday, May 19, 2019

Crazy Creative Cheerleading Camp's Come As You Are Party

Image by Prawny from Pixabay

I participate in a fair number of blog hops. For a couple of months, I have been participating in blog hops that tend to be fashion oriented. While I found a couple of people whose blogs I now follow, I have decided that I am going to back away from the fashion blog hops. Most of them have a strong emphasis on being pretty in a very narrow way, on "fitness" as it relates to weight loss rather than to overall well-being, and on size normativity rather than size acceptance. 
These blogs made me fall back into the negative pattern of hating myself for being The Outsider rather than being a welcoming space. So I think it's time to have a blog party here at the Camp which welcomes the Outsiders to come out and play!
You can share anything you want at the Come As You Are Party. You can share photography, writing, recipes, your daily life with disabilities physical or psychological, and, yes, even fashion. I'm not big on rules, but if this is going to work, there need to be a few caveats.
Shared posts cannot contain pro diet talk or pro-weight loss talk. They cannot contain fat shaming or thin praising. They can't be about "flattering" attire. Flattering is code for "hiding the unacceptable parts of your body." I get pissed off when I try to buy a swimsuit and the manufacturer thinks that terms like "hip hider" or "tummy tamer" are going to make me want to buy their product. Fuck that shit. 
I'm still not sure what my "tummy" might be doing that requires it to be tamed. Granted, my IBS sometimes flares up at inopportune moments and renders me an unhappy camper. Other than that, my "tummy" has never bitten anyone, and I guarantee that it's had its shots. I inject insulin into my abdomen multiple times on any given day.
Posts can discuss dieting and weight loss as it relates to the problems they have caused. You are welcome to share posts about how diet culture negatively impacts you, about eating disorders, about weight fluctuations due to medical conditions, about your struggles to accept your body as it is rather than trying to make it be something it doesn't want to be. I developed an eating disorder at twelve years of age. I tried to hate myself thin for 33 years. I struggle with the fact that food insecurity means that the part of my brain which thinks it's good for me to starve gets amped up and keeps encouraging me to starve even when I have food. It's fucking horrible what society does to people, and we should be able to talk about that.
The posts I don't want to see and will remove links to contain subject matter such as "my weight loss journey!" "My journey to a slim new me!" "I lost 666 Kilos and now look like Skeletor's Sexy Sister!" "I'm on the new Keto Paleo Cabbage Soup Juice Fast Death Cleanse And My Bones Evaporated But I Look Really Hot," or "How my Spanx Hides the Fat on my Ass So I Look 25 Pounds Thinner, Never mind That I Feel Like I'm Wrapped In A Sausage Casing." 
That shit is not "inspirational." That shit promotes eating disorders. I'm not saying you can't write that shit. I am a firm believer in The Underpants Rule, which states that you are the boss of your own underpants. However, I refuse to be a party to promoting toxic, size-shaming beliefs.
A lot of blog hops insist that you only share "family friendly" posts. I really don't think there are a lot of young children reading the posts on this blog. You can share pretty much whatever you want, except for the types of posts mentioned above and hardcore porno pictures. This is a "Come As You Are" party, so, come as you are!
I should have a Mr. Linky next week. This week, please post your link in the comments. Apologies to those who don't have a Google account and don't want to get one. I've had problems with trolls in the past and am not up to dealing with their bullshit, which tends to run rampant when I allow anonymous comments.


A Fat Bitch With A Bad Attitude Attitude Committed to Providing Alternatives to Fucked-Up Mainstream Culture Whenever Possible

Cie and Crowley welcome you

Saturday, May 18, 2019

Sometimes a Hero Appears

Copyright Getty Images

After school lunch lady Bonnie Kimball was fired for giving a lunch to a kid who didn't have enough money to pay for his lunch, Chef Jose Andres, pictured above, offered Bonnie a job working with him.
Sometimes a hero appears at just the right moment.
Most of the time there isn’t a hero at hand. Cases like Bonnie's are the exception. 
I got fired two years ago when I suffered reversals in my health. I was making $40,000 a year as a homecare nurse. I now make less than $10,000 a year. 
I get Medicaid but no assistance with food or housing. I generally don't eat more than one or two meals a day, despite having diabetes. I sleep on my son’s couch. 
Most of the time I want to commit suicide but I’m too much of an asshole to do so even though the ruling classes would be just as happy to stomp people like me out for being a “burden on society.” My son is high-functioning autistic. He still needs my help, compromised though I am. 
Unfortunately, what appears far more often than an angel like Jose Andres are devils like these:

Thursday, May 16, 2019

Tan Renga Challenge 2019: Day 12: Miscanthus Bud

the Dutchmen, too,
kneel before His Lordship --
spring under His reign.
inevitable forces
to which all must bow someday

by my new banana plant
the first sign of something I loathe --
a miscanthus bud!
all things must have their season
even those things undesired

another year is gone
a traveler's shade on my head,
straw sandals at my feet
straw soon replaced by leather
weatherproof boots are a must

now then, let's go out
to enjoy the snow ... until
I slip and fall!
not such a big deal in youth
in old age a bone may break

Basho & Cie

All Hokku stanzas were created by Matsuo Basho (1644 - 1694). All Ageku (closing) stanzas were written by me.
I would like to dedicate this set of poems to my mother's and my late father's friend Richard, who passed away yesterday from complications stemming from ALS. I hope that one day a cure is found for this terrible, debilitating disease.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Tan Renga Challenge 2019: Day 11: Tan Renga Hineri: Only Tracks

late summer
alone on the beach
with only tracks
leading me to the unknown
who can know where the time goes?

I follow the tracks
to the melancholy sea
sorrow grips my voice
I remember who I was
I remember her lost dreams

Dreams impossible
foolish girl with head in clouds
she not of this world
she visited the seashore once
dreaming she could swim away

Jane & Cie

The first Hokku (Haiku) in this Tan Renga Hineri was created by Jane Reichhold (1937 - 2016). The other stanzas were created by me.