Friday, February 16, 2018

The Cheese Grates It: How "Should" a Sexual Assault Victim Behave?

Copyright Antonio Guillem

Shit that grinds my gears:
Trigger warning for discussion of sexual assault. No graphic descriptions.
The media (i.e. movies on the Lifetime channel) tend to depict victims of sexual assault as acting in one given way. They cry, they spend a lot of time sitting in the shower, and then they get over it and find a good man and live happily ever after. While some of this happens for some people, as far as the way victims of sexual assault express their feelings, there is no one "right" way.
The first year after my ex-boyfriend assaulted me I had panic attacks every 20 minutes for 5 hours straight. I dreaded going to sleep again because I knew the next day it would start all over again. This happened for literally a year to the day after the assault, and then the panic attacks stopped.
Some people think a victim of sexual assault should be afraid to go out at night. I'm not, really never have been. However, I do some things that people would consider "weird."
I am only comfortable sleeping in a confined space, such as a twin bed or a couch. If I have a larger bed, I tend to put things on it so the space becomes smaller.
I sleep in my clothes.
I sleep pressed up against the wall.
 I can't sleep in complete darkness.
 It also galls me when people think I need to find a boyfriend to make my life complete. Like, no, and also fuck off.
As to the person who said maybe I should "try sex with women," I find it pretty offensive to assume that anyone's sexuality can change because you tell it to. In fact, when I was still an utter mess and hadn't yet been properly diagnosed for bipolar disorder, I did just that because my relationships with men (the gender that I'm attracted to) had always been so fucking awful. Well, guess what? It was far from a "hot lesbian scene." Why? Because it just wasn't my thing.
I would never tell a lesbian that she should "try sex with men." I find that incredibly offensive. So, why is it okay to tell a woman who is wired as straight to "try sex with women?" I didn't choose my stupid sexuality.
At this point, I'm celibate, and that's how it stays.
My ex-boyfriend's come-on line was, as it happens "you don't want to be celibate for the rest of your life, do you?"
As it happens, I do. I'm perfectly fine with it. What I don't want is another bad, abusive relationship ever again, fuck you very much. One asshole in my pants is quite enough.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~