Friday, April 30, 2021

Fat Friday: Same Old Song and Dance

 I'm not going to link to the post that prompted this response. It contained the "encouraging" image displayed above.

After 33 years of trying to hate myself thin, I was fortunate to discover the principles of Health at Every Size and size acceptance. Otherwise, I would be 56 years old, still fat, and still loathing myself. I not only have endocrine system issues but I completely wrecked my metabolism with dieting. I have an eating disorder (no, not binge eating, which is what most people think when they see someone my size) that will never go away. I fight with ED, my abusive life partner, every day.

Diet culture destroys lives. Being thin doesn't make someone a better person. I don't eat more than my more slender counterparts. Most of the time I eat far less. The medications I'm on tend to kill my appetite. Still fat. Always will be unless I become terminally ill. I refuse to apologize for my body anymore.

Continuing beyond the comment I left on the blog:

I have "just begun" more times than I can count. I used to lose weight each time. Then the weight came back with friends. About 10 years ago, I no longer lost weight when I started dieting.

Below is the only diet that I follow. The Fuck It Diet is the only diet that works long-term for every body.

I also recommend Health at Every Size by Dr. Lindo Bacon.

I'm not really angry at the person who posted this crap because I was indoctrinated into the Diet Mindset for so many decades myself. I just cringe so hard whenever I see it these days. I want to shake people and scream "you're an intelligent person! How can you buy into this shit?" 

We buy into it because we're reminded every day that we're garbage if we're not perfect.

As Ragen Chastain of Dances With Fat ( always says, you're the boss of your own underpants. I can't tell you not to try and manipulate your body's size through dieting. I'd simply like to suggest that maybe YOU aren't "failing" at dieting. Dieting is failing YOU. 

(You can buy Ragen's book "Fat: an Owner's Manual" from her website. You can also purchase this cool book of affirmations for every body that she co-authored.

Dieting fails all but a very small percentage of people who engage in it, and the multi-billion dollar diet industry knows it. They wouldn't stay in business if there were diets that worked. Dieting triggers the body's starvation response, which prompts the body to store fat. That's why whenever a person stops dieting and starts eating normally again (in other words, not starving themselves), the weight they lost returns with friends. Eventually, some people stop losing weight altogether unless something catastrophic happens.

I have diabetes. While I'm not a perfect little saint, I do watch my carbohydrate intake. I often have to prompt myself to eat, because Januvia kills my appetite. I have to fight not to fall into the trap of allowing ED to praise me for not eating.

I wish that dieting wasn't so normalized. When I briefly went back to work in an institutional setting after a couple of years working as a home care nurse, I was reminded of just how obsessed people are with dieting. In the employee lounge, it was all the female employees could talk about. I wanted to go out and sit in my car so I didn't have to listen to the constant diet talk. It was, honestly, insufferable.

I'd love to be able to discuss good low-carb recipes without everything always cycling back around to TEH WATE LOOZE!!!111!! 

I know...thinness is next to godliness, and I am a dreadful fat devil tempting all the pretty, young, thin people away from their youth and slenderness with my devil's food cake and devil dogs and other devilish treats by refusing to buy into the diet industry's lies anymore. 

I honestly don't care about your size, how much you exercise, or your preferred diet. As the late Carrie Fisher opined, that shit's boring. I really hate it when I end up talking about it. I'd rather talk about almost anything else.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Free use image by Open Clipart Vectors

Thursday, April 29, 2021


Worditude: THE SURVIVOR: Submitted to Poets & Storytellers United, and to dVerse   April 25, 2021 ****************** THE SURVIVOR She left in disarray, thoughts ...

I've been thinking a lot about my late maternal aunt and the abuse she endured at her first husband's hands. To describe him, he sounds like a work of fiction because he is that intensely awful. But he was very, very real.

I'm glad my aunt's second marriage was to someone much better. She made my Uncle Fred wait 13 years before she was finally able to trust him enough to say "yes." He took care of her up to the end of her life when she developed dementia and needed round-the-clock care that was more than he could provide because she would go wandering.

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: Late April Thoughts

Dark Hearts Love Too: Late April Thoughts:   Image source: NASA It’s around the time of my son’s birthday My soul, restless The first rain ...

A brief poem about the way that I'm feeling.
Fortunately, the cyst that was causing my son a fair bit of rather debilitating pain seems to have ruptured on its own, so he may not have to have any surgery for it.

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

N. R. Williams, Fantasy Author: WEP April Challenge When Love Takes Your Freedom Away

N. R. Williams, Fantasy Author: WEP April Challenge When Love Takes Your Freedom Away: Greetings. It's April 2021. How is your year going? I trust it's better than last year.  It's time once again to post for the Wr...

It took my aunt (RIP) 25 years to finally be able to break away from her abusive first husband. My mother has expressed the thought that one of the reasons my aunt developed dementia was because of all the head injuries she sustained while married to this dreadful man. (I refuse to refer to him as my uncle.)

Monday, April 26, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: Appointment With an Epidemic

Dark Hearts Love Too: Appointment With an Epidemic:   Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay The rat ran and she chased, the plague chased and she ran kisses can serve as vectors for disease an...

a poem addressing my many abusive relationships over the years.

Sunday, April 25, 2021

Blog of Author J Lenni Dorner: #atozchallenge T is for Tyra in the Paperclip-Sana...

Blog of Author J Lenni Dorner: #atozchallenge T is for Tyra in the Paperclip-Sana...: T is for - Tea Time Ruminations I love THIS blog because: I can always use more fem...

Oh, good, she escaped! I would find an existence where I was told what to do and how to dress insufferable. (See "why Cie hated working in an office.") The only good thing about that place was the apple pie and cheese. :-)

Saturday, April 24, 2021

ADHD and Me


Free use image from Pixabay

This is my response to a post by Amber Corinne about ADHD in girls and women.

I wasn't aware that I had ADHD until I was in my 50s. It explains nearly everything. I also have complex PTSD. I was misdiagnosed with type II bipolar disorder. I've also been diagnosed with OCD, but I don't think I have true OCD. I think my OCD-like symptoms are actually part of ADHD.

I resist using the term "wrong" to describe the way my brain works. I've been called "wrong" all my life. I honestly wouldn't want to change the way my brain works. I'd just like to have learned ways to work with my brain instead of against it earlier in life.

Friday, April 23, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: Sail Me to China

Dark Hearts Love Too: Sail Me to China:   Qianhu Miao Village Image by 波 胡 from Pixabay winding river of time Every year one more piece of the past Floats away on the winding rive...

Some gloomy, Chinese-inspired poetry for your reading displeasure.

Thursday, April 22, 2021

Tea, Sigh, Create: Write, Edit, Publish - April - Freedom In the End

Tea, Sigh, Create: Write, Edit, Publish - April - Freedom In the End:   I originally wanted to share a memoir piece of working to fight against colorblindness, but it was really difficult to do in just 1000 wor...

This is wonderful. I was Chryssa in my youth, only I wasn't magical. I was just a stupid, ugly child who was picked on unrelentingly, and I dreamed of being magical.

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Naughty Netherworld Press: Jana

Naughty Netherworld Press: Jana:   Image by Tumisu from Pixabay Jana Content warning: suicide  Although Jana Evans was shy and plain, she managed to stand out. When her s...

My story for April's WEP Challenge. Content warning for profanity and suicide.

Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: Pooh Bear is My Hero: A Quadrille and Sort of a Sijo

Dark Hearts Love Too: Pooh Bear is My Hero: A Quadrille and Sort of a Sijo:   Would you believe that I am trying to be more like Pooh? That willy-nilly silly old bear is my real hero. Because he’s good-natured even w...

Why I'm trying to be more like Pooh.

Sunday, April 18, 2021

Rainbow: he had lots to learn!

Rainbow: he had lots to learn!:                                                                                          Author: anon Image: A Football Star (here) Theme: A...

Football is a rough sport. A fellow from my old neighborhood received an injury to his knee while playing football in his junior year of high school. He always walked with a limp after that.

Saturday, April 17, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: Same Old Sob Story: Lone Prairie Version

Dark Hearts Love Too: Same Old Sob Story: Lone Prairie Version:   Image by Thank you for your support Donations welcome to support from Pixabay I'm here to tell you a story that you already know so w...

Just the unvarnished truth in free verse.

Friday, April 16, 2021

Naughty Netherworld Press: A Leap of Folly #8Sunday #MFRWHooks #SnipSun

Naughty Netherworld Press: A Leap of Folly #8Sunday #MFRWHooks #SnipSun:   Image by Marta Cuesta from Pixabay Note: I had a really odious week and was not up to sharing fiction or even poetry this go-round. This...

A snippet of an autobiographical piece that I wrote for the Reedsy prompt this week.

Thursday, April 15, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: From Where I'm Sitting

Dark Hearts Love Too: From Where I'm Sitting:   The above photo was taken by me just before starting work on this poem from the spot where I park my ass to write. No filters, no retouchi...

A slice of life poem from a decidedly unglamorous viewpoint.

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

WTF Wednesday: Some People Just Suck

Things that make you facepalm.

This is a response to a post on Quora.

Leigh says:

I was working in a upscale Canadian restaurant while 7 months pregnant. It was later in the evening and I was serving two older British tourists, both women in their late 60’s. They were polite for the most part. As I delivered their meal one of the ladies asked “when are you due?” And I answered honestly. The other lady asked “do you know what you’re having” and I replied with a smile “it’s a girl”. What she said next will stay with me forever because I still can’t believe that someone could be so rude. She said “well let’s hope she aspires to be something more than a waitress”. I was floored, speechless, utterly aghast. I walked away immediately and asked my manager to continue looking after that table because I couldn’t bear to approach it again after being insulted so badly. My manager walked up to the table, took their only-just-started plates off the table and told them to leave the restaurant immediately, that they weren’t welcome. I’ll also never forget the way he stood up for me that day.

Cie says:

Good on your manager. My son’s fifth-grade teacher was a real piece of work. One time when I was talking to her and I said it was my hope for him to do better than I had in life. She said, “yes, we certainly don’t want him ending up being a waitress like his mother.”

I said “lady, I’m leaving now before I do something you’ll regret.

I later found out that this woman was singling my son out as a bad example because he fidgeted in class. She would keep him behind when the other kids were sent to lunch, and when she finally allowed him to go, they weren’t serving anymore, so he went hungry. He never told me until the end of the school year.

My son has ADHD, and this woman and the principal tried to force me to put him on Ritalin. I wouldn’t do it so they expelled him from the school.

The story has a bit of a humorous ending. Many years later when my son was in his 20s, this woman came to his apartment campaigning for some local candidate or other. He recognized her but pretended not to. She finally said, “Don't you remember me, Michael? I was your fifth-grade teacher.”

He said “yep,” and shut the door.

My son is normally very polite, but he had nothing nice to say to this woman who had emotionally abused him during his fifth-grade year. I guess he was being polite nonetheless by not giving her the earful that she deserved.

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: Get Bent! (The Walker Strikes Back): A Choka

Dark Hearts Love Too: Get Bent! (The Walker Strikes Back): A Choka:   The Thing of Evil in front of the house where my son and I live. I cannot imagine why the hell anyone would want to use this picture, but ...

My walker strikes back at me for writing a derogatory poem about it.

Monday, April 12, 2021

Cressida de Nova: National Poetry Writing Month

Cressida de Nova: National Poetry Writing Month:       Day 8 Weekly Scribbles 64 my refuge my pink queen size bed so cosy so secure my place to hide from the world to find peace and sleep ...

I mostly sleep on my left side. It might have something to do with the sciatica on the right side. 

I don't like sleeping on my back as I tend to be more vulnerable to sleep paralysis in that position. 

My bed is an old, dilapidated couch that sags in the middle. I still like it better than most people.

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: Flipping the Script

Dark Hearts Love Too: Flipping the Script:   Free use image by Fotografirende on Pexels walker blue, rectangular assisting, extending, supporting supportive mobility-aid standing shin...

This poem begs the question: is it really that hard to not treat physically compromised people like feeble-minded children?

Saturday, April 10, 2021

Hope. Dreams. Life... Love: Beyond the Book: Desks

Hope. Dreams. Life... Love: Beyond the Book: Desks:   “What is in your desk drawers?” I had a desk in my study for maybe twenty five years. It was a cheap if well designed desk with plenty of ...

I work at a desk for projects like scrapbooking but I haven't used a desk for writing and the like in years. My feet swell when they are in a dependent position for too long. It actually works better for me to sit with my legs up on a couch or bed so my feet aren't hanging down. I have a wireless keyboard and mouse, so that is how I roll.

Friday, April 9, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: Similar Houses (Tanka)

Dark Hearts Love Too: Similar Houses (Tanka):   Free use image from Pixabay similar houses dark havens for Stepford girls sinister shelters mold and shape little women made delicate like...

Everyone should be outraged at the expectations for girls to give up their dreams in favor of becoming supporters of their future husband's goals, but society continues to behave as if this is the "natural order" of things. These ideals are benefiting someone to be sure, and it isn't the girls.

Thursday, April 8, 2021

Graham Lester's Poetry Blog: Blessed Lives

Graham Lester's Poetry Blog: Blessed Lives: We lead blessed lives, Safe lives, Never facing combat, The slashing of iron against bone; Never realizing How resolutely the laws of p...

"We go on gut instinct,
Ignorant of how quickly it all falls apart,
Of how readily we start putting people on trains."

The last four years in the United States were a stark illustration of how Nazi Germany could happen. Yet some people continue to stick their fingers in their ears, close their eyes, and yell "LALALA, CAN'T HEEEARRRR YOU!" at the top of their lungs.

"Good" people have done (and continue to do) atrocious things.

We must all be aware of that possibility in ourselves and do whatever is necessary to keep ourselves from becoming THAT person.

Wednesday, April 7, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: At Purple Twilight

Dark Hearts Love Too: At Purple Twilight:   Image copyright Diztant Dreamer at purple twilight red lights coming on inside similar houses ~cie~

A poem that ended up tying in with a story written by my sixteen-year-old self.

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

How Did You Get Here? How Did I?


The following is a response to a post by Addison Albright. The artwork is theirs as well.

Oh, my word–I remember the one time I woke up to a relative stranger in my bed. It wasn’t nearly this romantic. It was my one semester of college. I was 18 and a hot mess, but I didn’t usually bring strange guys back to my dorm room. Fortunately, we were both fully clothed. The only thing I knew was that his name was Ted and I met him in a line waiting for concert tickets, which tells you how long ago this was.

Okay. It was 1983.

My response was “you’ve gotta go!” I hustled him out the back stairs, hoping that no one saw us.

Monday, April 5, 2021

Rainbow Lyrics and Mellow Mushrooms: Rainbow Snippet 4/3/2021

Rainbow Lyrics and Mellow Mushrooms: Rainbow Snippet 4/3/2021:   

"You’re a workaholic and would probably require an alarm and reminders to get you to eat and come to bed at a descent time,” Slade replied. “He also said you were a bit of a perfectionist, tended to get obsessed with a task, and had a tendency to run yourself ragged without even realizing it."

Hey! Quit writing about me! ;-)

Seriously, I saw myself in this snippet. Even though I'm disabled now and unable to work a "normal" job I tend to do this to myself.

I love the rapport between the characters here.

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Come As You Are Party: Physical Phucquery

 This is a reply to a post by Helen regarding her Dupuytren's contracture.

So far my hands are okay. I suffered a serious injury to the median nerve in my left arm three years ago and was in agonizing pain for a month before I was able to start physical therapy. I still don't have full range of motion in the arm and have to be very careful of how much I lift. My back is also a hot mess.

I think that diabetes is a very stupid name for one of the unfunny conditions that I have. I would like to rename the condition hypopancreatism, which I feel is a much more accurate term. I have hypothyroidism, so hypopancreatism makes sense. Or we could just say that my endocrine system is a trash fire, I suppose.

Glaucoma is kind of an amusing name for a scary condition. But, so far, the interestingly-named Timolol eye drops are keeping things in check.

Saturday, April 3, 2021

Blow Your Stack Saturday: The Truth Must Be Told


This is a response to a post by Mubashshira. The image is their work.

My usual spring depression was mercifully brief this year, but I'm having really messed-up dreams.

The doodle is a real work of art. My doodles look like a pre-schooler stuck a crayon between the toes of their non-dominant foot.

I appreciate it when people tell their truth. I think it's wretched the way society shames people for being honest like we're always supposed to be giddy with glee and the sky is filled with unicorns farting rainbows and pooping ice cream cones.

A lot of my poetry tends to be pretty dark. Hence, I don't have much of an audience. I've tried to give the people what they want, but that always ends up feeling like a lie. So I always end up going back to being my old salty, snarky, and melancholic self.

Thursday, April 1, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: A Rumpled Thing Left Out to Dry

Dark Hearts Love Too: A Rumpled Thing Left Out to Dry:   Image by Kranich17 from Pixabay and now, introducing me when you look at this rumpled old thing just what is it that you see? I've sp...

A full load of metaphor as I hang my dirty laundry out to dry.