Fat Friday: Weight Loss is Not the Happily Ever After that Diet Companies Want You To Believe

 

How a lot of people think

I would love to be able to discuss carbohydrate intake and eating disorder issues without some fucking fucknugget concern troll always bringing the conversation back around to weight loss.

These fuckers always think that the only kind of eating disorder a fat person can have is binge eating.

I actually do not binge eat. I used to, but I don't anymore and haven't in years. I didn't stop because I became a saintly Thinlier Than Thou. I stopped because when I started treating my diabetes, the ravenous cravings that I used to have for simple carbohydrates were quelled. I stopped because when I was forced to quit working high-stress jobs that left my mind entirely numb and left me feeling like an empty vessel, I was able to consider my meals in a more analytical fashion.

What I actually have problems with is food restriction.

Type 2 diabetics have issues with paradoxical fasting highs.

I'm actually great at restricting food. Today, I've been restricting food since I woke up at 6:15 this morning. I have to hold off on eating for a half-hour after I take my thyroid medicine. That half-hour usually turns into several hours.

So, I'm great at food restriction. Still fat. 

My son isn't fat, but he's on the stocky side. He's prone to skipping meals, not because he's trying to lose weight, but because he doesn't feel like eating or he gets busy and forgets. Still stocky.

Here's the thing. It should not be about whether I'm fat. Since I'm diabetic, a big part of the focus should be on my A1C and blood glucose readings.

However, neither of those should be used as a reason to shame a person either.

Here's the other thing.

STRESS.

It drives up blood glucose.

It drives up blood pressure.

When you create a climate of self-loathing, you create a climate of constant stress. 

Stress increases cortisol.

Cortisol promotes weight gain.

However.

"Fat is the very worst thing a person can possibly be, and food insecurity and stress increase a person's chances of getting fat, so I shouldn't encourage dieting and self-loathing" should not be your reason for not being an asshole to someone.

Just don't be an asshole.

I would like to discuss my diabetic and eating disorder issues without fucking diet talk, fat-shaming, and thin praising always pushing their way into the conversation.

Fuck a whole lot of that shit.

Ornery Owl has Spoken

Fat and Ornery

Free Use Image by Open Clipart Vectors on Pixabay

Hangry

Free use image from Pixabay

Fat Friday: That Which Doesn't Kill Me Doesn't Kill Me

Image by Виктория Бородинова from Pixabay

I wish I was like the woman in the above image: a tough badass who gave no fucks and who will kill your ass without remorse if you cross her. Unfortunately, I'm actually more like:

Image by Vicki Lynn from Pixabay

I am an unwanted thing that has managed to remain alive through a degree of resourcefulness but mostly fate or dumb luck. 

I am not stupid. I am well aware that most people see me as "other." They don't want me around because I am not pretty and not "normal."

I don't tend to encounter too many incidents of overt size hate in my everyday life. Most people keep their damn fool mouths shut. Store clerks don't treat me with derision. Your average person doesn't tend to see it as their business to say something shitty about my body to my face. I've found that as I've gotten older, people have been a little less directly awful about it. Older women are invisible anyway in this society, which affords me a little protection.

The "othering" is all around me, though, and don't even think about telling me that it isn't there. I see it in every shitty ad that pops into my Twitter or Facebook feed encouraging "intermittent fasting" (otherwise known as an eating disorder with a stamp of approval) or a "lifestyle change" (otherwise known as a diet.) 

I see it in every crappy "so and so lost weight and now they look amazing" bullshit clickbait headline. Because they couldn't possibly have looked amazing while fat. Only thin people look amazing. I see you.

I see it in the fact that advertisements never include fat people just doing stuff. There are no fat people just modeling clothes without it being pointed out that these clothes are for THE OTHER. There are no fat people just drinking a beer with friends. There are no fat people having a meal unless it's being pointed out that this is diet food to make their fat ass temporarily thin. There are no fat people walking without it being pointed out that if you exercise you might not be fat and horrible. Fat people never get to just BE.

You can tell me to "just ignore it" or to "love myself no matter what anybody else says." That's all fine and good, but I can't shut off the analytical part of my brain. I see the fact that I am "other," that I am reviled, that I am The Outsider. 

No matter how much I may want to, I can't not be aware of being THE OTHER. I'm fat, not stupid.

The answer is not for me to do whatever it takes to become what others think I should be in order to stop them from bullying me. The answer is for all of us to say NO to the bullshit, to not laugh at the shitty jokes made at the expense of big people, to call out the bullies rather than ignoring them.

"But Cie, that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!!!11!!!"

No, that which doesn't kill me just hasn't succeeded in killing me.

I am alive and I persist despite being told that I should bow down. But that doesn't mean that I don't hurt every day of my life, and that doesn't mean that my initial feeling about myself when I first wake up before my rational mind kicks in isn't utter self-loathing for something that should be considered a neutral attribute.

Fuck a whole lot of this shit.

Ornery Owl is Fat, Ornery, and Pissed Off 

(But I only have a picture of her pissed, so that will have to do)

Free use image from Pixabay by Open Clipart Vectors

Come As You Are Party at the Camp 5 January 2020

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

I am not okay today.

Not at all.

I don't expect anyone to say anything about it.

People gave up on trying to cheer me up long ago because it doesn't last. The fact that my darkness returns hurts their ego.

"Well, I helped you. If you can't stay helped, that's your problem."

"Life's hard, Honey. Get a helmet."

"You think you have problems? Everyone has problems."

"Suck it up, Buttercup."

People like to help things that are tiny and cute.

Not big, ugly things.

People see the outside.

People focus too much on the outside.

I know that what's inside of this big, ugly body is kind of an interesting person. 

But the idea of "loving myself" is such an absolutely foreign concept to me that you might as well be telling me to go dance on Jupiter.

How am I supposed to even like myself a little when every day I get the message that anyone who looks like me is The Worst Thing That Could Possibly Exist?

How am I supposed to feel encouraged to take care of myself when every day I receive the message that I Brought My Health Problems On Myself by Being Too Fat?

It never occurs to any of these Dr. Oz wannabes that perhaps the ratio of adipose tissue is CORRELATED to the condition as opposed to causing it.

It doesn't help me encourage myself when all I ever hear is "if you just TRIED HARDER you could be thin and pretty and then Some Wonderful Guy would fall in love with you and Take Care Of You."

Hell, it doesn't occur to these fuckers with their platitudes that THE LAST FUCKING THING I WANT is for "Some Wonderful Guy" (TM) to swoop in and solve all my problems. Or Some Wonderful Woman (TM). If I were looking, I'd want the guy, seeing as I'm (gasp) straight. Which is the second or third worst thing that a person can possibly be and not just, you know, a sexual orientation. 

Of all THE WORST THINGS that a person can possibly be, I'm a lot of them.

First and foremost, I'm fat.

Fat.

FAT

FAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!!!!

Which is, you know, worse than being a serial killer or a horrible monster who tortures little animals, or a child molester.

To hear people tell it, the Worst Thing A Person Can Possibly Be is Fat.

Fat people never get to be neutral in stories. Certainly, they don't get to be the star of the story, at least not if they remain fat. They can be The Star if they Lose Weight and Become Hot (TM). They can't just be a cool fat hero or heroine being their badass self. They have to be Redeemed from their Fat. Because Fat is the Very Worst Thing That A Person Can Possibly Be.

I can't read cookbooks without the focus being Losing Weight so you can Become THIN (aka, godly). Even though I now reject all the stupid, sickening women's magazines telling me to how to be The Perfect Thin Pretty White Lady (I'm two out of those five things. Guess which two) I still have the THINNESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS crapola shoved in my face constantly just by going on the internet and looking for fucking recipes. For food to eat. Hopefully inexpensively, because I am far from rich. And hopefully with lower carbohydrate content because I'm fucking diabetic. Hopefully without the side order of Fat Shaming and Thin Praising that seems to be fucking inevitable.

I am feeling a little better for having said it.

I am going to keep saying it until it starts to sink in.

If your go-to is to ridicule and behave sanctimoniously towards fat people, you, not they, are the problem.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

Check out the one and only diet endorsed by the Crazy Creatives Cheerleading Camp.

Inner Champion Workbook Chapter 5: Take the First Step (Fat Friday Edition)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through any of the links in this post, I receive a small commission from Amazon.

Fair warning that I am having a dark day despite it being bright and sunny outside. In fact, the bright sunniness makes the inner darkness worse. I hate when people say things like "how can you be depressed when it's so beautiful outside?" Please, if you say that sort of thing to someone who tells you they're feeling depressed, STOP! It doesn't help.

And now, on with the show.

An important goal that I’m going to achieve:

I don't know if this will happen or not, but there is an empty building across the street from my home which is zoned for commercial use. I will be able to access my 401K without penalty at 59, in other words, about four years from now. If the building is still available at that point, I am thinking about investing in it and bringing my idea to life.

"It won't be available then, Cie," you are probably saying. "Real estate goes fast!"

In the city, yes. Not out in the middle of nowhere. The house I'm currently living in had been empty since 2013.

"Well, what the hell do you think you're going to do with a building in the middle of nowhere, Cie?" you say now. 

I am thinking about opening a goat yoga studio.

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

"Goat yoga?" you sniff. "Who the hell is going to drive to your stupid goat yoga studio in the middle of nowhere?"

As my son observed when I postulated that I could probably pull in a few yuppies from Denver to drive out to Podunk on weekends for a goat yoga session:

"Denver? You mean Boulder."

He's right.

"Oh, and are you going to teach yoga, you disabled lardass? Who would want to take a class from you?"

No, I'm not, because I don't know the first thing about teaching yoga. I plan to put out a call for volunteer instructors, who would be allowed to record their sessions, pass out business cards, recruit people to sign up for their regular classes, and have a tip jar available.

By the way, a big rule at my studio will be this:

NO BODY SHAMING!

No fat-shaming.

No thin praising.

No encouragement of weight loss. No selling weight loss programs.

I want to provide an encouraging environment for every body. I want my studio to operate with a Health at Every Size (and every ability) approach.

Why this goal is important to me:

Most yoga classes shame larger students, behaving as if a literal monster just walked into the room when a big person comes in. It is also difficult for disabled students to find a class. I want the classes at my studio to encourage EVERY BODY, regardless of size or physical ability.

Image by filinecek from Pixabay

Why goat yoga?

Well, for those who have never heard of it, goat yoga is actually a thing. The presence of the goats is shown to have a calming and encouraging effect on those participating in the class. The goats won't have to learn the yoga poses. They'll be free to wander in and out of the classroom. And if a participant spends the entire session just playing with the goats, that's perfectly fine! Basically, the goats are therapy animals.

What has been preventing me from taking the first step?
Lack of access to funds.

How can I remove these obstacles or work around them?

Currently, I'm just waiting for four years and hoping nobody buys the place in the meantime. I also have a potential secondary site in mind.

The first step I am going to take toward achieving my goal:

I am currently making micro-investments with my small and undependable pay. I am hoping these will start generating passive income. I am also trying to promote my freelance literary services, as well as continuing to do reviews. I am going to apply to Kirkus Reviews at the beginning of next year in the hopes of bringing in another income stream.

For support and accountability, I am going to share my goal with:
My son knows, and now you all do too.

I feel better after writing this post. Sending positive energy to Lauren for the gift of her workbook, to Linda for the gift of Health at Every Size which helped me break out of the diet mindset almost 10 years ago, and to Caroline for the encouragement not to fall back into that limiting mindset.

Here are a couple more books to help you say FUCK YOU to diet culture and instead concentrate on REAL health, both mental and physical.

FOAD Thursday: "Think Thin" foods

It's not that Think Thin's food tastes bad. 

Their instant oatmeal is less sweet than Quaker's instant oatmeal, plus it has added protein and fiber.

Their snack bars taste pretty good.

But they can FOAD with their push for obsession on thinness.

"Think Thin."

In other words, obsess about your weight. 

It doesn't matter if you feel better physically when you aren't fashionably emaciated.

It doesn't matter if you have no energy when you're fashionably emaciated.

It doesn't matter if the hair on your head starts falling out while the hair on your body increases and your periods stop although you're too young for menopause and you become prone to stress fractures when you become fashionably emaciated.

It doesn't matter if you think about food constantly because your body is malnourished.

It doesn't matter if you'd rather focus on other things beside your weight, either because its stupid to obsess about your weight in the first place, or because you have a history of eating disorders so you don't want to obsess about your weight, or you have a fucked-up endocrine system so you know you're always going to be fat unless you become critically ill.

You need to THINK THIN, Bitch.

Because nothing is more important than being thin.

Not satiation.

Not happiness.

Not peace of mind.

Better deat than fat, amirite?

There is nothing worse in the world than being fat.

So, you better THINK THIN!

No matter what you'd rather be doing, THINK THIN!

No matter if you want to make peace with yourself because trying to hate yourself thin is a fucking waste of time and energy.

THINK THIN!

Obsess on that thinness, you bitches!

Obey the edict that grown-ass women should look like pre-pubescent girls.

And be subservient like pre-pubescent girls.

THINK THIN!

How about fuck right off with that shit?

Honestly, it would have been better if they'd named this product High in Fiber So You Can Take A Proper Poop. Or Eh, It Tastes Better Than The Wrapper It Came In. Or, This Shit Doesn't Have As Many Preservatives As Some Similar Shit. 

Anything but Think Thin.

So, here's a big fat FOAD for the manufacturers of Think Thin products for this Thursday's FOAD.

Fat Friday #2: A Constant Barrage of Hate Leads to Suicide Ideation--Shocker!

Dear Debby Ryan:

Your garbage fat suit doesn't look anything like an actual fat person's body or face. Fuck right off with that shit.

Love,

An Actual Fat Person Who Is Sick to Death of This Kind of Bullshit

This is a response to a post on Medium Daily Digest by Your Fat Friend.

A lot of the time, Medium Daily Digest is a trash fire of self-congratulatory mental masturbation. However, there are a few pearls of wisdom among the rubbish. This post is one of those pearls.

The following is my response to said post:

Oh, Honey, if I could reach through the computer and hug you, I would.

I will tell you first off that I'm a fat adult. I'm also a mythological creature. I'm a fat adult who is food insecure. I only eat one or two meals a day. I am not so disabled that I can't work at all, but I can't work anything even close to full time. I don't get food benefits. But I can't possibly exist because fat people are constantly stuffing our faces, amirite? The thing that makes my situation even worse is the fact that not only does the entire world think I'm a glutton when I'm half-starved, there is this horrible personality in my brain whom we can call ED.

As you may have guessed, ED stands for Eating Disorder.

ED praises me when I starve myself.

The thing is, all of society's revulsion and all of ED's praise don't mean doodly squat. I'm still fat. Not "a little bit chunky" fat. Full on fat. 300 pounds fat.

With all of my endocrine problems, it's extremely unlikely that I'll ever be anything but fat.

I yo-yo dieted, engaged in orthorexia, and tried to hate myself thin for 33 years.

When I was young, I would lose weight with my dieting attempts. It always came back with friends. Once I was in my late 30's, the weight stopped coming off. 

I finally discovered size acceptance and Health at Every Size.

Maybe if I'd stop receiving constant messages that I'm disgusting and worthless, I wouldn't always be thinking that I wish I had the courage to end things. Believe me, I hate myself. I despise what I see in the mirror. I think I'm the worst kind of failure. I'm not even allowed to see myself in a neutral light, let alone a positive one.

Shows like "Insatiable" do nothing to help. 

By the way, is that trash still on? I gave it a thumbs down immediately. I was utterly disgusted. When I was still able to work as a home care nurse, I would sometimes watch the Disney channel with my patient. I thought that Insatiable's star, Debby Ryan, had created a really cute show with "Jessie," which she both produced and played the lead role. I was utterly disgusted with her for going along with this "Insatiable" garbage.

You're fine the way you are. I'm fine the way I am. It's our society that's messed up and wrong.

Here's a link to my comment if you want to give me hand claps for it or something.

Conclusion:

Fat people are not here to be the butt of your shitty jokes for your shitty TV show or anywhere else. 

Fat people are bullied to the point of mutilating our bodies and sometimes to the point of suicide, and society sanctions this behavior.

Fuck right off with that shit. If you're the kind of person who sanctions bullying and scapegoating, you need to check yourself, because you're an asshole.

Also, fuck your concern trolling about fat people's "health." If you care so much about my "health," give me some fucking money so I can purchase adequate food. That will go a long way to improving my health.

Oh, but I can only be "healthy" if I'm fuckable in your eyes?

That's what I thought.

Fuck right off with that shit.

~Cie~

13 Things I Would Like To See Disappear

Here are some things that I'd like to see gone.

*Weight loss "compliments."

*Size shaming

*Fat bashing

*Thin praising

*Weight loss being touted as the answer to everything

*"Flattering" clothing (aka "it makes you look thinner")

*Terms like "tummy tamer" and "thigh hider" on swimwear

*People going on and on and on and on and on about their latest die-t or their "weight loss journey." Did you have a good poop today too? 

*Larger people only appearing in movies and television shows to be ridiculed or to show how they go from being fat and "ugly" to being thin and "beautiful"

*Teaching girls to hate their bodies from an early age

*Sexy clothing for little girls

*Sexed-up Halloween costumes

*People resorting to ad-hominem attacks rather than focusing on behaviors