Fudge #WEP

 

If you're hell-bent on using this picture of a pan of fudge, go right ahead.

Critique guidelines:

Major points only. Given the subject matter, I can foresee this becoming a real shit show otherwise.

http://writeeditpublishnow.blogspot.com

August 1

I made fudge. If you need a fast chocolate fix, this is the quickest ever.

1 bag of semisweet chocolate chips

1 can of sweetened condensed milk

1 teaspoon of vanilla

Pour the sweetened condensed milk and chocolate chips into a bowl and nuke them for one minute. Add the vanilla and stir until smooth. Pour into a parchment-lined 8x8 or 9x9 pan. Refrigerate for 2 hours. Eat.

This recipe is the epitome of me in the kitchen. I don’t do anything that involves a lot of prep work.

I am once again recovering from severe emotional dysregulation.

I feel hopeless. Even my writing is like horrible homework.

I want to do the writing part of writing and leave the promotion part to someone who knows what the hell they are doing. I am not a social butterfly. I am more of a social pill bug. If I see someone coming, I curl myself up into a ball and hope they won’t notice me. Unfortunately, at my size, it’s hard for them to miss me.

Social pill bugs tend not to be treated well, even at the doctor’s office. Dr. Deborah Serani, a psychologist who lives with clinical depression, writes about this phenomenon in her excellent Psychology Today article.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-takes-depression/201905/medical-shaming-and-mental-illness

This vitally important takeaway from the article sizes up (Heh! See what I did there?) the attitude that heavy people and patients with mental illness just “aren’t trying hard enough.”

In 1948, The World Health Organization defined health as a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being. Regrettably, it didn't take into account chronic illness or disease and the layered challenges individuals face with such conditions. While the definition of health has changed over the years, most professionals - and the general public - believe health is a state of well-being that a person "earns" or "maintains." This social construct goes like this:

If you eat well, you will be well.

If you exercise, you will be fit.

If you don't have good mental health, you just aren't trying hard enough.

And that those who can't, won't or don't achieve well-being are just weak, lazy - or worse - need to be shamed to get it done.

Shaming doesn’t work, but even doctors, who are supposed to be so much smartier than the rest of us, don’t understand this. If shaming worked there would be no addicts of any kind. There would be no fat people, and nobody would have mental health problems. Everyone would eat the exact right amount of the exact optimal kind of food at every meal. Nobody would drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes or weed, snort cocaine, inject heroin, or become addicted to pills. Everyone would be content to do the jobs assigned to them by those in power.

I recommend re-reading Brave New World. Or reading it for the first time if you haven’t read it yet.

As for me, if hating myself thin never worked during the thirty-three years I tried to do just that, it sure as fuck ain’t gonna work now. The doctor should have berated my thyroid, which killed itself and thrust me onto the path to largeness when I was just thirteen years old. She should have berated my ovaries, which developed PCOS once I was old enough to menstruate. She should have berated my pancreas, which waited until I was 49 years old, but then joined my thyroid in death.

If anything, this woman of medicine who is so much smartier than me should have berated me for becoming bulimic at twelve and starting down a path of lifelong food insecurity, both self-imposed (dieting) and involuntary (not having the money to buy adequate supplies of food while social services tells me I make too much money to qualify for assistance.) Better yet, rather than berating an old broad coming to you because she has a fucking sleep disorder and the sleep specialist said she should, why not berate a society that allows food insecurity and pushes people to hate their bodies?

TREAT THE PATIENT, NOT THE CHART!

This doctor, by the way?

A pulmonologist.

I was there to find out if something was awry with my lungs, not to have bad drugs with serious side effects suggested to me on the slim chance (see what I did there?) they might turn me into the svelte, slinky vixen that every woman is supposed to be.

I am not unaware of my size nor of the theoretical correlation between my size and conditions. However, I’m working on making peace with my body and food because dieting and eating disorders (among other factors) have caused me serious trauma. Even if I remain at my current size (given my history, this is the most likely outcome) my overall health will still improve if I am receiving appropriate care for my underlying conditions.

I guess everyone would have been happier if I’d lived fast, died young, and left a good-looking corpse.

Fuck all of them.

I look out of my shell and realize I’ve failed at my goal of opening people’s eyes to the way bias against troubled people or those who don’t conform to a certain rigid standard of beauty and acceptability hurts the world.

I am aware that I’m ugly.

Those who puff up their egos by shaming those who don’t conform to their standards don’t realize they are ugly too.

I had a couple pieces of the fudge. I think I prefer cookie bars.

Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I don’t eat dessert after every meal or even every day.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Image by HK Mennist from Pixabay

It should go without saying, but I know it doesn't. Comments such as "but it's unhealthy to be fat," "but if you just eat less and exercise more," and "but if you just tried the sawdust and metal shavings diet" are not welcome.

As for the first comment, I'm not going to waste time debating with you. Go read this book. 

https://bit.ly/HAESCIE

As for the second comment, I am excellent at starving myself. It is my first reaction to being size shamed, along with suicide ideation. I can't engage in orthorexia the way I used to because of my back problems. Go read the aforementioned book.

As for the third comment:

Open Book Blog Hop + About Me Monday: Disappointment

 

Image by Glauco Gianoglio from Pixabay

Teenage me was nowhere near as pretty as the girl in the photograph, but she believed her life would be perfect if she could become pretty. 

I am not a pretty girl, it isn't what I do.

You may be wondering why I would post a picture resembling my teenage self's ideal appearance. 

Well, today's question for the Open Book Blog Hop is...

Do you think the child you were would be impressed by the person you've become?

Buckle up, Bitches, coz it's about to get real and it's about to get real salty. If you have a problem with profanity or with a frank discussion of topics such as depression and low self-esteem, the back arrow is your friend. I don't take kindly to people telling me how I should feel, what I should think, or whether I should pepper my speech with expletives. 

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

I tackle some difficult subject matter in this post, including:

Discussion of sexual assault

Diet culture

Eating disorders

Internalized fatphobia

If you think any of these points will be triggering for you, please approach with caution or avoid it. Whatever you deem best for your own mental health.

The child I was is disappointed in what I became, but she doesn't have much to say about it.

The teenager I was despises what I became.

So, what about me does my angry inner teen dislike so much about the woman I am?

I am broke and I am broken.

I became old without ever becoming fabulous first.

I have multiple health problems. These include endocrine problems. Thanks to a completely fucked endocrine system and decades of food insecurity both because of insufficient income to purchase adequate sustenance and because of being brainwashed into trying to hate myself thin, I was often in starvation mode. As Caroline Dooner says in The Fuck It Diet, your body doesn't know if you're in the middle of a famine or if you're trying to fit into a ridiculously small bikini. It reacts the same way.

The Fuck It Diet is the only diet anyone needs. I recommend it in conjunction with Health At Every Size. 

https://bit.ly/FIDCIE

https://bit.ly/HAESCIE

Yes, I digress, but I will never pass up an opportunity to help people escape the prison of diet culture for good.

My inner teen doesn't get that chronic dieting destroys the body's ability to lose weight, particularly if said body also has endocrine problems. She is outraged by my "allowing myself to get so fat." 

Yes, I use the word fat. It is a neutral description of a large physique with a high percentage of adipose tissue. I am an old, fat, disabled woman who lives in poverty. There is nothing wrong with any of this except for the poverty part. Nobody should live in poverty. A society that allows anyone to do so has failed. Because the little town where I live has a monthly food bank, my son and I have adequate provisions.

My son is not able to work a normal job either. He is high-functioning autistic and his sleep schedule is very irregular. He speculates that he may have a 25-hour circadian rhythm. He also has issues with depression and anxiety. He is not on disability because one of us needs to be able to amass savings in case of an emergency. People on disability are not allowed more than $2000 in savings. Considering that replacing a water heater, for instance, costs more than $2000, this is pretty fucked up.

Back to my inner teen. Considering that she hoped to become a beloved actress, a famous musician, a renowned writer married to a famous actor, musician, or fellow writer, or some combination of all of the above, I can understand why she is horrified at being stuck back in the early 1980s looking at me and knowing that I am what she will become.

I can understand why my inner teen despises me. I used to despise her too. I thought she was a horrible, spoiled brat who ruined my life. 

I no longer hate the troubled girl I used to be. In the past five years, I've started to understand why my life turned out the way it did. I craved acceptance but never found it. An older boy sexually assaulted me when I was fifteen, but I believed it was not a "true" sexual assault because there was no PIV penetration. It took me 40 years to realize that unwanted digital penetration is sexual assault and to understand why I started acting out following this incident.

My inner child and inner teen are still integral to my creativity. Even though I am more psychologically fractured than someone who was accepted by their peers and had a normal and non-traumatic childhood, I have managed to become someone worthy of my own respect although I may never find it possible to like myself.

 When I hear people saying you have to "love" yourself, that is such a strange concept to me and I think, no, I do not have to "love" myself. Attempting to do so feels forced and artificial. I need to respect myself and have compassion for myself, including all the fractured, wounded, broken bits. I need to realize that although I am not what anyone else would consider even remotely physically attractive, I am still worthy of being treated with common decency and respect and I will accept nothing less.

This is one of my favorite reasonably current pictures of myself despite the bloated "endocrine face." My Crowley doll makes my inner child happy. My inner teen wishes we had more time for writing fan fiction. Adult me realizes that I am a taskmaster when it comes to myself and I don't know if that will ever change.

I was still able to use Henna when this picture was taken and enjoyed changing the color of my hair every couple of months. Unfortunately, I developed an allergy to the Henna and my scalp became full of scabs and scales. It was itchy and unpleasant, so I gave up and went back to my natural gray. I'm not ashamed of my gray hair at all, I just had fun changing the color. My gray hair is very resistant to most dyes so regular hair dye won't work. I can't be arsed to color my hair at this point anyway.

Yeah, so that probably wasn't a pleasant read, but I'm not sorry. It's as real as it gets, and...

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

https://daryldevore.blogspot.com/2022/08/daryl-devore-discusses-whether-kid.html

It would be a straight-up crime not to share the absolutely tan-fastic deep progressive house mix accompanying my writing on this fine day. 

https://odysee.com/@EnglishChannel:4/deep-progressive-house-mix-level-069:8?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

WTF Wednesday Video Preview for FOAD Thursday

https://odysee.com/@auntciesattic:0/eff_your_size_shaming:3?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

I look like I'm about to cry in the preview shot of this video. I'm not. I'm my usual snarky, deadpan self. 

My rosacea is flaring up. I will not cover it with makeup. I think it's important to show my face as it is because I think it's necessary to show the faces of those of us who aren't considered "hot." We have something to say and our voices deserve to be heard.

Anyone who thinks a person needs to be conventionally attractive before they are allowed to speak is too shallow for me to waste my time on. I'm afraid their bottomless levels of stupidity might draw brain leeches to me. 

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

"Fuck's sake, I'm surrounded by idiots!"

(Free use image from Pixabay)

"Don't sweat it, Ornery. Do you want me to carve 'em up, stab 'em with my fork, or both?"

(Free use image from Pixabay)

Blow Your Stack Saturday: Remember Then

 

Image by Tumisu, please consider ☕ Thank you! 🤗 from Pixabay

If you were to aspire a little higher right now, with no miss-understandings to handicap you, what would be your desire?

I remember what it was like to just write what I wanted to write without worrying about any commercial potential. 

I remember what it was like when exercise was fun before the worries about being good enough or whether it had the potential to make me lose weight.

I remember what it was like to take a walk without having to worry about randos hollering at me or well-meaning but ultimately discouraging people telling me they'll pray for me or admonishing me that if I just prayed harder all my handicaps would fall away.

I have a bad back. My upright walker means I can sit down when it starts hurting and then roll on my way when I'm ready. It helps keep my spine in good alignment. Walking without support, my right side slumps. For fuck's sake, if prayer works, there are people who actually need it. People with terminal or degenerative conditions. Not me. You'd think these people had never seen anyone use a walker before. 

I need to encourage myself to put on my headphones (the universal symbol for "fuck off and leave me alone") and get rolling again. Not today, though. It's cold today.

I have a sketchpad. I should get out there and start sketching again.

Why do people see the need to put stupid conditions on things? Find things you like to do and do them. That's my only advice. I'd rather encourage than discourage.

As a reminder, this blog is a diet talk and weight loss talk-free zone. It's fine to discuss how diet and weight-loss culture have impacted your life. It is not fine to encourage dieting or exercise with weight loss as a goal. That shit fucked up my already fucked up metabolism even worse. I will have to contend with body dysmorphia and my abusive life partner, ED (Eating Disorder), for the rest of this incarnation. ED doesn't need any encouragement. Don't feed him.

I'm answering a question from The Maestro Monologue.

https://amzn.to/3ltlntN

White, Rob. The Maestro Monologue: Discover Your Genius. Defeat Your Intruder. Design Your Destiny. (p. 15). The Mind Adventure Inc.. Kindle Edition. 

If you purchase a copy of the book through this link, I will earn a small commission from Amazon.

https://odysee.com/@DiggingInTheCrates:6/THEEARLSREMEMBERTHEN:c?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

Ornery Owl is Fat, Fierce, and Done With This Shyyyyyt

Free use image from Pixabay

Hangry Wyrm says:

"If you're hungry, eat!"

CCCC 2022 Project: Fat Friday: Food Without a Side of Guilt

 

Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

New to this blog? Read the Rules of Engagement before joining the fray!

https://crazycreativescheerleadingcamp.blogspot.com/p/cccc-project-2022-objectives-and-rules.html

Spirit of the Universe, please guide me to the choices that will help me live my own best life while helping others. Please help me overcome the desire to pursue validation or adulation and to instead seek the path that promotes goodness, both for me and those who read my words. Help me to be compassionate rather than defensive. Amen.

"Food without a side of guilt tastes much better." --Laurel Ann Deininger

I remember the bad old days of New Years Resolution guilt.

Every year was going to be the year when I would lose eighty thousand trillion pounds, become drop-dead gorgeous, hit the big time, and be the envy of every woman and the desire of every man. Every year started out with heavy emphasis on food restriction and orthorexia. By the time my birthday rolled around in February I was so hangry I could have eaten my entire family and I'm sorry to say that I was an absolute delight to be around (not.) It was a horrible pattern, and I'm afraid that I repeated it every year for more than three decades.

I don't do that anymore.

I think that New Year's resolutions are kind of dumb, honestly. What difference does it make if you begin a project on January 1 or February 15 or March 17 or April Fools Day or Halloween? None, that's how much. Don't wait for an arbitrary day. If it's something you feel is beneficial, do it. Only don't do it by setting impossible goals for yourself. That only results in disappointment and increased self-loathing.

My resolutions for 2022 include continuing the battle against my abusive life partner ED. I still don't entirely have the restrict-binge-guilt cycle under control although it is under control much more of the time than it used to be. 

Weight loss used to be my most important obsession--I mean goal. These days, weight loss is NEVER the aim of any changes to my eating or exercise habits. Having weight loss as a goal is a shitty recipe for inevitable failure. I don't like shitty recipes. I shoveled that shit sandwich down my own throat every day for more than 30 years, starting when I was twelve years old. It is a sandwich that I refuse to ever eat again.

Becoming "beautiful" is also off my list of must-dos. What the fuck is "beautiful" anyway? It's an arbitrary attribute. It's fucking meaningless. Feast your senses on the brilliance of the late Carrie Fisher.

Carrie was beautiful, particularly in the way that counts most. She had a beautiful spirit. Unfortunately, it was also a wounded spirit. She was undeniably harmed by the arbitrary (and stupid) standards that Western society places on women to be nubile sexpots with massive, perky breasts and not a trace of fat on their backside or thighs, regardless of age. I do not think that Carrie would have died at 60 had she not been a tortured soul. 

People think that it is okay to make shitty comments about other people's looks. My quest to call out this fuckery wherever it occurs will continue in 2022. I'm not saying that anyone has to find me beautiful. I don't even give a single fuck if no one finds me beautiful. I'm saying that no one has the right to be a dick about it, regardless of how unbeautiful they find me or anyone else.

My goals in 2022 include continuing to kick guilt to the curb whenever it comes knocking and to defeat my abusive life partner ED whenever and wherever possible. I suggest that you adopt similar goals rather than succumbing to the usual disappointing New Year's resolution bullshit.

Ornery Owl is defying convention

Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

Hangry is defying diet culture and defeating ED whenever possible.

Free use image from Pixabay

I begin my diary entries with a variation on the prayer I learned from the book Self Help Sucks by Tony Blankenship. You can pick up a copy of the book here. If you purchase a copy through this link, I earn a small commission from Amazon.

https://amzn.to/3sCWA9q

I appreciated Tony's personable and flexible approach to the Twelve Step program. You don't need to be perfect in your efforts to improve your life. You don't have to believe a certain way or pray a certain way or to a certain or any deity. I like to use the term "Spirit of the Universe" rather than God.

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)

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Fat Friday 9 July 2021: Viewing Eating and Exercise in Terms of "Success" or "Failure"

 

Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay

This is a response to the following post. The author of the post stated that she had "failed" at her fitness goals.

https://luccav.com/2021/07/05/goals-update-for-may

I always advise people that seeing exercise in terms of "success" or "failure" is unhelpful and can lead to stopping exercise altogether. 

I often have difficulty making myself go for walks because even though I kicked diet culture to the curb 11 years ago, I still struggle with the mentality that if it doesn't make me lose weight, I'm a "failure." 

With my endocrine problems, I will never lose weight unless I become seriously ill. I honestly think that (weight loss) should never be the goal. 

I still struggle with my abusive life partner ED (stands for Eating Disorder) and I am formerly orthorexic. Diet culture has taught us toxic ways of viewing eating and exercise. 

Did you exercise? Good! Did you not exercise? Fine. Tomorrow is another day.

(Staggers broken body in a wobbly fashion from the soapbox.) 

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Fat and Ornery

Free Use Image from Open Clipart Vectors

Hangry

Free Use Image from Pixabay

Fat Friday: Fuck this Fatphobic Asshole

Image by 微博/微信：愚木混株 Instagram：cdd20 from Pixabay

So I was reading a thread on Reddit about a surrogate who was told by her doctor that she was "tipping the scales" during her last appointment. She said that it was "too late to change doctors." I don't know where she is in the world, but this kind of size shaming bullshit is never appropriate. However, the fact that she is pregnant takes it one step beyond the pale. So, fuck this fatphobic shithead of a doctor. There are far too many of his kind.

However, along comes some champion of diet culture to defend his crappy ass. And they said:

"I understand that this woman should be able to switch doctors, but we also have no clue if she is dangerously overweight and should be keeping it off.

Being obese brings its own health risks and she could be putting herself in danger."

To which I replied:

Good god almighty. The whole BUT TEH OHBEESITEEEEEEEE nonsense benefits no-one except the multi-billion dollar diet industry. It is never appropriate to shame someone for their body type, but during pregnancy is an especially awful time to be telling someone to "LUZ TEH WATEZ AND KEEPZ IT OFF!"

Size shaming results in increased eating disorders and self-loathing. Only about five percent of people (who diet) lose weight long term. Further, chronic dieting slows the metabolism, and people wind up even heavier than they were before they started dieting.

What a doctor should be looking at with extreme weight gain during pregnancy is the possibility of toxemia. A sudden increase in fluid can be a sign of serious complications. I still have stretch marks on the backs of my calves because of the amount of fluid I gained when I developed toxemia. Fortunately, my doctor was not a fatphobic asshat. He realized that there was a serious problem.

In conclusion:

Seriously, fuck both of these assholes.

Free use image by Open Clipart Vectors on Pixaby

Fat and Ornery

Free use image from Pixabay

Sly Speaks + Fat Friday + Friday Flashback: Diet Culture Rhetoric Is Not Poetry

This poignant gem was originally published on 17 January 2010 on my now-retired poetry blog.

life It would be far easier to diet if I didn't like food.

This, apparently, was the entire-ass poem.

A year later, I would finally take the long-needed step of ditching diet culture for good.

That is a terrible statement, let alone being a terrible poem. 

It isn't even a poem, it's a blurb. A very stupid and brainwashed blurb. It's a tweet that shouldn't have been tweeted. It is a lot of things, none of them good. A poem it is not. 

The Chili Bean Tanka is a better poem, and it is not a good poem. In fact, it is close to Vogon poetry in its poetic injustice.

It goes a little bit something like this.

I ate the chili

between the beans and the spice

digestive horror

beneath the cover of night

noxious eruptions take place

As I mentioned previously, I struggled over the holidays. My abusive partner ED (Eating Disorder) reared his ugly head and I relapsed into my old restrictive eating and self-loathing patterns. Which, by the way, never made me thin, they just fucked my metabolism over and made me hate myself even more. 

However, reading this micro-poem that should not be, I could see where I'd been myopic in my criticism of a poet whose book I reviewed recently. I gave the book overall high praise, but I stated that her "poem" which read as follows, and I quote:

love ends but calories are forever

was not so much a poem as unfortunate diet culture rhetoric, and I wouldn't want to read it as a tweet, let alone in a book of poetry.

Given the unseemly evidence above, that critique was hypocritical of me.

However, there is a lesson to be learned.

Next time you think publishing a pithy pearl of poignant perspicacity such as this...

Go to the kitchen and grab yourself a snack. Or at least have something to drink. Your blood sugar may be low because if you think that's worth publishing, you obviously haven't been thinking clearly. Step out for a breath of air and clear your head of the Diet Culture nonsense. You've obviously bitten off more of it than you can chew.

That being said, Words Written in the Dark is, overall, a thoughtful and thought-provoking volume of modern poetry, and I recommend it highly.

Fat and Ornery

Image copyright Open Clipart Vectors

Ornery Literary Services

Sly and Snarky

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

FOAD Thursday: Jillian Michaels Can FOAD Forever

A response to this post.

You know, it's hard enough having to deal with diabetes without having it made into a character flaw by sanctimonious assholes. I'm glad that Kai Hibbard came at Jillian Michaels full force. 

I give no quarter to those who say things like being fat causes diabetes. I would hazard a guess that in the case of people like me there is a genetic factor that both caused my train wreck of an endocrine system and promotes a heavy body type. But many people who are built like me (myself included) are actually very good at restricting food. Yo-yo dieting has also been implicated in causing the problems that being fat gets blamed for, because, you know, starving yourself isn't good for a body.

Image copyright Open Clipart Vectors

Fat. And ornery.

About Me Monday: Ornery and Sly: Stop the Bullying and Stigma

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Today isn't FOAD Thursday, but "The Biggest Dickweed" and anyone who supports it can FOAD every day. Please read about and sign the petition to stop this horrible, hateful garbage from being resurrected.

If you're one of these people who are so indoctrinated into diet culture (I was one of those people for 33 years, and it never made me thin, it just made me miserable) that you believe that shaming and bullying large people "for their own good" is a great idea, here are some key points refuting that belief.

This show caused so much harm to the health of contestants and viewers alike by perpetuating weight stigma. Since the show went off the air, we have research related to how weight stigma and yo-yo dieting actually harms people in larger bodies. Additionally, there is research from prior Biggest Loser contestants indicating long term negative effects:

Participants not only gained the weight back due to a slowing of the metabolism but that participants had increased leptin levels that cause extreme hunger: 
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/02/health/biggest-loser-weight-loss.html

From The National Association of Eating Disorders:
“Weight stigma, also known as weight bias or weight-based discrimination, is discrimination or stereotyping based on a person's weight. Weight stigma can increase body dissatisfaction, a leading risk factor in the development of eating disorders.” 
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/weight-stigma

From Abby's Kitchen:
DANGEROUS SECRETS FROM THE BIGGEST LOSER & MY PETITION TO MAKE IT STOP
“A study published in the Journal of Obesity suggested that watching even one episode of the Biggest Loser increased hateful weight bias among viewers! This is particularly concerning to me when there are children watching, as it’s easy to sense and duplicate the disgust for fatness when they see it in their peers or even themselves."
https://www.abbeyskitchen.com/nutrition-dangerous-secrets-biggest-loser-my-petition-make-i/

From Today’s Dietitian:
January 2018 Issue

The Health Impact of Weight Stigma
By Carrie Dennett, MPH, RDN, CD
Today's Dietitian
Vol. 20, No. 1, P. 24

“The health risks of weight discrimination are consistent with the observed effects of racial discrimination.”

Being the target of weight stigma increases the risk of poor mental health outcomes, including depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem, suicidal thoughts and behaviors, and eating disorders. These associations happen regardless of BMI, so it's unlikely that body weight itself is a cause.”

“Harrison says. "The majority of the clients I've treated for disordered eating cite bullying or shaming for their weight by parents, peers, coaches, or health care professionals as the initial trigger for their issues with food."
https://www.todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/0118p24.shtml

My reason for signing the petition is this.

Promotion of size shaming and eating disorders does not equate with "health."

I have had an eating disorder since I was twelve years old. I was not fat at twelve, but I was so terrified of becoming fat that I became bulimic. 

I never felt direct hatred for fat people, but I saw the way that they were bullied and shamed. I was already the target of bullying. I couldn't bear the idea of the bullying being stepped up if I got fat. 

I am fat at this point. Not the "I feel fat" kind of fat. (By the way, "fat" is not a feeling.) I am really, genuinely, truly fat, and yes, I am "that" fat. My size, like everyone's size, results from a combination of factors. The first and most important factor in determining a person's body type is DNA. 

One of the waitresses I worked with at the job I had eighteen years ago was a tall, sturdy young woman. One time in the break room she ended up telling me about her sister, who was bulimic and anorexic. She told her sister: "we're big people. We come from a line of big people. It isn't natural for us to be skinny." 

So, which sister was the "healthier" of the two? The one who accepted the way she was built and went on with her life, or the one who was so obsessed with the idea of becoming thin that she was going to extremes to manipulate her body to a perceived point of acceptable slenderness?

By the way, health is not a measure of personal worth. I am not asking which of these sisters was more worthy of being treated with common decency. They are both worthy of that.

I had a very difficult time during this past holiday season. My feelings of self-worth plummeted to the depths. I ended up starving myself. I also ceased my daily walks. I didn't feel motivated to walk, and I felt as if everyone was staring at me and judging me. Also, walking can be painful for me. No, not because I'm fat. I was fat back when I was waitressing. I was fat when I was working as a nursing assistant and later as a nurse. These jobs contributed to the spinal problems I now have. So did engaging in behaviors consistent with orthorexia, such as spending five hours a day at the gym on my days off from work. My size did not.

I don't know how people can fathom that it's okay to say whatever they want to a big person. Okay, I actually know how it happens. It happens because larger people have been othered and dehumanized. One of our neighbors saw me having trouble shoveling the snow off the porch. He came over to help. In fairness, he wasn't trying to be cruel, and I think he is in the early stages of dementia. But this is what came to his mind, and what society has led him to think is perfectly okay to say.

"My wife was built like you. She was obese. But at least you're trying. She didn't try, so she died."

If you think that "obese" is a harmless word, think again. Obese is a shaming, othering, dehumanizing word which leads to people being denied proper health care and even basic respect. Obese is a word that kills people.

I'm fat. I'm not stupid. I know when I'm being condescended to. I know when I'm being looked down on. I know when I'm being othered.

Sometimes my bad attitude prevails and I let the middle finger fly and go on about my life.

Sometimes I get broken and relapse into unhealthy behaviors (starving myself) and self-loathing.

I got broken over this holiday season. I starved myself, and I stopped taking my walks because I felt like I was being watched and judged and the walks weren't bringing on the almighty WATE LOOZE!!11!!! Which, of course, is the only thing that matters.

I am getting back in the saddle and charging back into action on my very large horse.

So, if you're one of those people who thinks it's okay to behave badly towards me and others who look like me because we don't fit your criteria of beautiful or fuckable or because we don't fulfill your criteria of perfect "health"...

Let's face it. It's never really about health. 

You may expect that this is where I tell you to FOAD.

Actually, I'm going to ask you to read the words above mine again.

Then I'm going to ask you to go read these blogs.

Big Fat Science
Dances With Fat
Heavyweight Heart

If, after reading those blogs you still think it's fun to ridicule fat people or concern troll fat people or you still think The Biggest Dickweed is good wholesome entertainment for the family...

Then you can fuck off forever.

Fat and Ornery

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Sly and Snarky

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The last diet you will ever need.