Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay
I am not okay today.
Not at all.
I don't expect anyone to say anything about it.
People gave up on trying to cheer me up long ago because it doesn't last. The fact that my darkness returns hurts their ego.
"Well, I helped you. If you can't stay helped, that's your problem."
"Life's hard, Honey. Get a helmet."
"You think you have problems? Everyone has problems."
"Suck it up, Buttercup."
People like to help things that are tiny and cute.
Not big, ugly things.
People see the outside.
People focus too much on the outside.
I know that what's inside of this big, ugly body is kind of an interesting person.
But the idea of "loving myself" is such an absolutely foreign concept to me that you might as well be telling me to go dance on Jupiter.
How am I supposed to even like myself a little when every day I get the message that anyone who looks like me is The Worst Thing That Could Possibly Exist?
How am I supposed to feel encouraged to take care of myself when every day I receive the message that I Brought My Health Problems On Myself by Being Too Fat?
It never occurs to any of these Dr. Oz wannabes that perhaps the ratio of adipose tissue is CORRELATED to the condition as opposed to causing it.
It doesn't help me encourage myself when all I ever hear is "if you just TRIED HARDER you could be thin and pretty and then Some Wonderful Guy would fall in love with you and Take Care Of You."
Hell, it doesn't occur to these fuckers with their platitudes that THE LAST FUCKING THING I WANT is for "Some Wonderful Guy" (TM) to swoop in and solve all my problems. Or Some Wonderful Woman (TM). If I were looking, I'd want the guy, seeing as I'm (gasp) straight. Which is the second or third worst thing that a person can possibly be and not just, you know, a sexual orientation.
Of all THE WORST THINGS that a person can possibly be, I'm a lot of them.
First and foremost, I'm fat.
Fat.
FAT
FAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!!!!
Which is, you know, worse than being a serial killer or a horrible monster who tortures little animals, or a child molester.
To hear people tell it, the Worst Thing A Person Can Possibly Be is Fat.
Fat people never get to be neutral in stories. Certainly, they don't get to be the star of the story, at least not if they remain fat. They can be The Star if they Lose Weight and Become Hot (TM). They can't just be a cool fat hero or heroine being their badass self. They have to be Redeemed from their Fat. Because Fat is the Very Worst Thing That A Person Can Possibly Be.
I can't read cookbooks without the focus being Losing Weight so you can Become THIN (aka, godly). Even though I now reject all the stupid, sickening women's magazines telling me to how to be The Perfect Thin Pretty White Lady (I'm two out of those five things. Guess which two) I still have the THINNESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS crapola shoved in my face constantly just by going on the internet and looking for fucking recipes. For food to eat. Hopefully inexpensively, because I am far from rich. And hopefully with lower carbohydrate content because I'm fucking diabetic. Hopefully without the side order of Fat Shaming and Thin Praising that seems to be fucking inevitable.
I am feeling a little better for having said it.
I am going to keep saying it until it starts to sink in.
If your go-to is to ridicule and behave sanctimoniously towards fat people, you, not they, are the problem.
~The Cheese Hath Grated It~
Check out the one and only diet endorsed by the Crazy Creatives Cheerleading Camp.
I hate the focus on appearance. There are so many more qualities that have value and worth.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the focus on shaming larger people insures that they won't seek help unless things become critical. One of the biggest reasons why doctors tend to only see fat people with critical health problems is because fat people normally avoid doctors because no-one likes to be shamed and berated. As a health care professional myself, I know that in a hospital setting the narrative about me would go exactly like this:
Delete"Patient is an obese 54-year-old female."
The first (and possibly last) thing they notice about a patient is that horrible qualifier.
Obese is a shitty word that denies compassionate treatment and basic humanity to larger people.
I honestly think that the medical profession should go back to using the terms endomorph, ectomorph, and mesomorph. Those were neutral terms. Obese is a shaming admonition.