Showing posts with label ableism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ableism. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 22, 2023

Ugly Fat Old Failure Intro

 

Image created by the author with free-use elements from Pixabay plus text art and enhancements from Pixlr. Base images by Dina Dee and John Hain from Pixabay. The woman depicted is an AI creation, not an actual person.

The reasons for the war I am about to wage date back decades, even centuries in some cases. I was not around in this form centuries ago, but I may have been there in a different one. However, this book is not about reincarnation. I will strive to remain on topic. Having ADHD means going off on unrelated tangents is a far from slim possibility.

I am a woman. A large woman. A woman who has been on the planet for close to six decades. A woman whom no-one would ever mistake for cute, hot, pretty, sexy, or any other such thing that all women are supposed to be in order to be judged momentarily worthy of attitudes other than outright disdain. This explains the presence of the unflattering adjective Ugly in the title. Personally, I feel both Old and Fat are neutral descriptors, but all too many people use these words as insults.

As for the descriptor Failure, my reason for choosing that word stems from an article I read several years ago. Sadly, I don’t remember the name of the person who wrote the article. I believe she was a doctor attending a conference. When she expressed the opinion that shaming larger patients did nothing to improve their well-being and, in fact, prompted them to avoid seeking medical care, many of her fellow physicians laughed at her. One even commented something along the lines of “do you think coddling these losers will do anything to improve their failed lives?”

This is exactly the way many doctors feel about their larger patients. It is an attitude encouraged by medical schools. I somehow survived nursing school without offing myself or anyone else. Fatphobic attitudes are prevalent AND encouraged in nursing schools. They were also prevalent in the hospitals where I did my clinicals. In fairness, the staff at one of these hospitals treated a very large woman suffering from depression severe enough that she had become nonverbal and unable to care for herself with great kindness, never shaming her for her size or for not responding. It is one of the few times I have seen a fat patient treated with real compassion.

Fatphobic attitudes were not encouraged in the EMS program I attended. We were trained that our goal was to help patients get the care they need, not to scold or belittle them. Even if they were chronic substance abusers (known in the business as Frequent Fliers.) Even if they were extremely heavy. Even if they lived in squalid surroundings. The reasoning for this (sensible) rule was a practical one. Shaming patients does not encourage them to get the care they need. We are there to help them get care.

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Saturday, May 21, 2022

Blow Your Stack Saturday: Remember Then

 


If you were to aspire a little higher right now, with no miss-understandings to handicap you, what would be your desire?

I remember what it was like to just write what I wanted to write without worrying about any commercial potential. 

I remember what it was like when exercise was fun before the worries about being good enough or whether it had the potential to make me lose weight.

I remember what it was like to take a walk without having to worry about randos hollering at me or well-meaning but ultimately discouraging people telling me they'll pray for me or admonishing me that if I just prayed harder all my handicaps would fall away.

I have a bad back. My upright walker means I can sit down when it starts hurting and then roll on my way when I'm ready. It helps keep my spine in good alignment. Walking without support, my right side slumps. For fuck's sake, if prayer works, there are people who actually need it. People with terminal or degenerative conditions. Not me. You'd think these people had never seen anyone use a walker before. 

I need to encourage myself to put on my headphones (the universal symbol for "fuck off and leave me alone") and get rolling again. Not today, though. It's cold today.

I have a sketchpad. I should get out there and start sketching again.

Why do people see the need to put stupid conditions on things? Find things you like to do and do them. That's my only advice. I'd rather encourage than discourage.

As a reminder, this blog is a diet talk and weight loss talk-free zone. It's fine to discuss how diet and weight-loss culture have impacted your life. It is not fine to encourage dieting or exercise with weight loss as a goal. That shit fucked up my already fucked up metabolism even worse. I will have to contend with body dysmorphia and my abusive life partner, ED (Eating Disorder), for the rest of this incarnation. ED doesn't need any encouragement. Don't feed him.

I'm answering a question from The Maestro Monologue.


https://amzn.to/3ltlntN

White, Rob. The Maestro Monologue: Discover Your Genius. Defeat Your Intruder. Design Your Destiny. (p. 15). The Mind Adventure Inc.. Kindle Edition. 

If you purchase a copy of the book through this link, I will earn a small commission from Amazon.



~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~


Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors
Ornery Owl is Fat, Fierce, and Done With This Shyyyyyt


Free use image from Pixabay
Hangry Wyrm says:
"If you're hungry, eat!"






Saturday, March 5, 2022

Blow Your Stack Saturday: Welcome to Whitewashed Utopia

 


Today's prompt from 52 Weeks of Writing was "hey, Ornery, it's Blow Your Stack Saturday! Is there anything you want to bitch about?"

Okay, that was my interpretation of today's prompt, and yes, there is.

I recently fell down the syrupy Hallmark channel rabbit hole and have been watching Cedar Cove. Like so many romantic visions of television utopia, this one has a seedy underbelly. By seedy underbelly, I don't mean that Walter White has set up a meth lab or there is a prostitution ring. I mean that behind the perfect facade of perfect people in a perfect town there is some perfectly putrid prejudice that nobody wants you to notice.

Cedar Cove is the whitest place anywhere. I have not seen a single non-white person even in passing. Everyone is straight and attractive by Hollywood standards. Look all you want, you will see none of those unsightly disabled or fat people. Disabled people simply don't exist and fat people are a bugbear used to scare the Perfectly Pretty Able-Bodied White Straight populace into earning their eating-disordered binges through orthorexia.

Shows like Cedar Cove are the television equivalent of the ladies' magazines you see at the checkout stand in the grocery store. These initially appear to be innocuous fluff but they are actually fronts for insidious attitudes designed to keep impressionable women buying products to keep themselves looking impossibly young and girlishly thin. Do you want to eat a slice of that delicious cake on the cover? Better get ready to force yourself to vomit, take a few laxatives, and engage in a few hours of punishing exercise, you slovenly oinker!

The photoshopped cover models for such magazines have no lines on their faces, no stretch marks on their bodies, and not an ounce of fat. Any model deemed too dark-complexioned has their skin tone lightened. These magazines are chock full of "inspiring" stories of women who lost half their body weight on the latest fad diet. Never mind if you have to cut out entire nutrient groups on these diets and never mind that weight reduction dieting only works long term in approximately five percent of dieters. You don't want to be a bad fatty and not try yet again, do you?

I used to spend a fortune on these dreadful magazines hoping that I was going to finally find THE DIET that was going to work permanently so I didn't have to be ugly anymore. Approximately twelve years ago I realized that the messages these magazines promote are even uglier than I am. I raise my middle finger to the beauty, diet, and fashion industries. Fuck a whole lot of that shit. 

Spirit of the Universe, please help me accept myself as I am. Please help me to keep making improvements that will truly benefit me rather than trying to fit someone else's idea of what I'm supposed to be. Amen.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~





Fat and Ornery
Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors


Hangry isn't having it.
Free use image from Pixabay

Fabulous selfie of my actual middle finger by me.
You can't touch this.
It's not like I really care that much, it's just that I know that most people are cunts.









Resource Books:
52 Weeks of Writing

Self-Help Sucks

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)



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Saturday, November 20, 2021

Cressida de Nova: The Wayra ...57768

Cressida de Nova: The Wayra ...57768:      there is something wrong can't get you out of my head begone dull lothario get behind me satan am too old for this foolishness   ...

Love it, love it, love it!

And, obviously, I'm not done talking about this incident, but I have a new spin on it.

One day when I went out for a walk with my mobile park bench (my upright walker) this aggravating fellow greeted me to give me one of his unsolicited pep talks. On this occasion, he told me "you have beautiful hair. If we could get your body to match your hair, you'd be a real doll."
I wish I'd thought of saying "yes, and if you'd just shut your mouth, you might be handsome."
Unfortunately, I live in a small town and don't want to make enemies of anyone here, so I probably wouldn't have said it even if I'd thought of it.

Wednesday, October 6, 2021

WTF Wednesday: A Fearful Fall

 

Image by Mark Payton

A response to this post:

https://pipersadventures.blog/2021/10/05/facing-a-fearful-fall

I love this rhyming anecdote and the perspective of meeting the end with humor. I have to say that I didn't react with humor either time that I was looking the grim reaper in the eye. On one occasion, I was angry and swore to come back and haunt the driver coming up my tail way too fast for me to react. (These thoughts occurred in the space of about 3 seconds.) Obviously, the jackass swerved at the last minute or I wouldn't be here to say this.

When a wave of water slammed into my car during a flood, I felt one moment of abject terror, and then I went into shock. I managed to brazen my way through, but I had PTSD following the event.

If you'd like to see my response to the above photo, sashay on over here.

https://poetryofthenetherworld.blogspot.com/2021/10/helloween-2021-day-666-two-perspectives.html

In other thoughts, if any of you have ever wondered why disabled people tend to shut themselves off from the world, wonder no longer. I can't speak for anyone else, but I am certainly tired of being treated like a retarded child, getting pep talks, having people ask me if I'm okay when I'm just fucking sitting there looking at the sky and trying to figure out what to make for dinner, having people offer me rides when I'm just trying to take the fucking walk that I'm told I should take more and longer of because I'm too fat (probably according to the same people), and having people talk about nothing but my fucking disability or my fucking mobility aid. It makes me really fucking grouchy.

"But how should I talk to disabled people, Ornery? I mean, they're special and handicapable and all that!"

If I am special (an idea that I find questionable) it certainly isn't because my back and endocrine system are fucked beyond repair. And if anybody ever uses the term "handicapable" in my presence, I will hulk out and drop a car on them. I much prefer the term "disabled, not incapable." 

I'm thinking about having a snarky bumper sticker made to put on my walker. Something like "I'm just taking a walk," or "not dead yet," or "disabled, not incapable." What I'd really like is a bumper sticker that says "fuck off," but I think that's probably a bit confrontational.

Ornery Owl is...


(Free-use image from Pixabay)

with everyone's patronizing shyyyyt

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


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Monday, October 4, 2021

About Me Monday: Dis-Ability

 

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

A response to the following post:

It may appear that I'm scolding the author for their thoughts. That honestly is not my intent. If I were still fully able-bodied, it is likely that I wouldn't have thought about the fact that being physically incapable of performing certain activities does not only affect the elderly. People can become disabled at any stage of their lives. There are elderly people who are more physically able than I am and young people who are less so.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am on the high side of 56 years old at the time of this writing.

Sometimes it isn't age hindering a person but physical disability. If my body had allowed me to, I would have been one of those people that participated in "youthful" activities at an advanced age. Unfortunately, by the time I hit 50, my crap endocrine system plus all the injuries over the years of working physically demanding jobs caught up with me and ran me over. At not even 60, I require a walker to ambulate more than very short distances.

This is something that I didn't mention in the original comment. There's a fellow in town who always takes it upon himself to give me pep talks whenever he sees me. "You're doing great, Honey, keep up the good work!" When I try to tell him that I'm just taking a walk and I don't expect any significant physical improvement, he tells me "you've gotta believe in yourself, Honey!" 

Sigh.

There's another fellow who always asks if I want help bringing my walker up the stairs. Unfortunately, we don't have the money to have a ramp put up. The walker isn't that heavy. It doesn't weigh more than 10 pounds on the outside, and I don't think it weighs that much. I leverage it so that "walking" it up the stairs doesn't hurt my lower back. 

I always tell this chap that if I can't do it myself, I can't do it, so thanks but no thanks.

It's one thing to offer help to a disabled person--or anybody--who is really struggling, i.e. with multiple parcels or such. I can't speak for everybody, but I've heard other disabled people say the same thing. We don't want pity, pep talks, or offers of help for things that we can do for ourselves.

If you really want to help me, you can come to clean my house. Housekeeping is something that I royally suck at. I sucked at it when I was able-bodied too.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Image by Tanuj Handa from Pixabay
Ornery Owl has had enough of your shyyyyt. And by shyyyyt, I mean unsolicited pep talks.

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


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Wednesday, April 14, 2021

WTF Wednesday: Some People Just Suck

Things that make you facepalm.

This is a response to a post on Quora.

https://qr.ae/pGTY3P

Leigh says:

I was working in a upscale Canadian restaurant while 7 months pregnant. It was later in the evening and I was serving two older British tourists, both women in their late 60’s. They were polite for the most part. As I delivered their meal one of the ladies asked “when are you due?” And I answered honestly. The other lady asked “do you know what you’re having” and I replied with a smile “it’s a girl”. What she said next will stay with me forever because I still can’t believe that someone could be so rude. She said “well let’s hope she aspires to be something more than a waitress”. I was floored, speechless, utterly aghast. I walked away immediately and asked my manager to continue looking after that table because I couldn’t bear to approach it again after being insulted so badly. My manager walked up to the table, took their only-just-started plates off the table and told them to leave the restaurant immediately, that they weren’t welcome. I’ll also never forget the way he stood up for me that day.

Cie says:

Good on your manager. My son’s fifth-grade teacher was a real piece of work. One time when I was talking to her and I said it was my hope for him to do better than I had in life. She said, “yes, we certainly don’t want him ending up being a waitress like his mother.”

I said “lady, I’m leaving now before I do something you’ll regret.

I later found out that this woman was singling my son out as a bad example because he fidgeted in class. She would keep him behind when the other kids were sent to lunch, and when she finally allowed him to go, they weren’t serving anymore, so he went hungry. He never told me until the end of the school year.

My son has ADHD, and this woman and the principal tried to force me to put him on Ritalin. I wouldn’t do it so they expelled him from the school.

The story has a bit of a humorous ending. Many years later when my son was in his 20s, this woman came to his apartment campaigning for some local candidate or other. He recognized her but pretended not to. She finally said, “Don't you remember me, Michael? I was your fifth-grade teacher.”

He said “yep,” and shut the door.

My son is normally very polite, but he had nothing nice to say to this woman who had emotionally abused him during his fifth-grade year. I guess he was being polite nonetheless by not giving her the earful that she deserved.


Sunday, April 11, 2021

Dark Hearts Love Too: Flipping the Script

Dark Hearts Love Too: Flipping the Script:   Free use image by Fotografirende on Pexels walker blue, rectangular assisting, extending, supporting supportive mobility-aid standing shin...

This poem begs the question: is it really that hard to not treat physically compromised people like feeble-minded children?

Saturday, March 27, 2021

Blow Your Stack Saturday: I'm Not Special or an Inspiration and I Don't Want to Be

Guerrero Words: Dancing… in Ink: The COVID-19 pandemic has stolen a lot from people. It has taken loved ones, work, health, sleep, easy smiles, peace of mind… It has left mi...

I'm a hermit by nature, so isolating doesn't bother me. In fact, even in a town of 154 people, sometimes it's too "people" outside for my liking. 

I mostly have an "it is what is" attitude towards my various physical issues, but I bloody well wish that people would stop calling attention to my walker! 

I bought myself an upright walker so I could walk further without my back and right leg screaming at me. I can now walk a mile in relative comfort if I take brief breaks whereas before the walker I could do a quarter-mile at best. 

I swear sometimes if one more person gives me an "attagirl" when I'm just trying to take a walk in peace, my head will explode so hard that the whole town will be wiped off the map.

I suppose people mean well, but I find it demeaning and the trepidation at being confronted with praise for going out and taking a walk makes me not want to go out. 

I'm just a person taking a walk who has to use a tool so their back doesn't kill them. I don't want special treatment, praise, or pity. I just want to walk in peace.

Anyway, this post inspired me to lay down these thoughts, which means it was thought-provoking, and that's good. So, thank you!

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~




Angry and Ornery
Free-use Image from Pixabay




Saturday, December 5, 2020

Barriers

 


Barriers

5 December 2020

Written in response to the Tale Weaver prompt “Barriers.”

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2020/12/03/tale-weaver-304-barriers-december-3rd/

What barriers exist in your life?

Are they barriers that can be overcome?

I will probably use this prompt to create both a fiction and a non-fiction piece. It is inspiring thoughts for the latest chapter in my WIP, The Key Of Eidolon. However, I also have answers to the above questions.

I have both physical and psychological barriers to accomplishing my goals. They don’t stop me from trying, but they make things harder.

There are physical goals that I will never be able to accomplish because of my handicaps.

At this point, I can walk up to two miles a day using an upright walker. Without the upright walker, I can only manage between a quarter of a mile and a half mile, and a half mile is pushing it. I never thought I would be having to use a walker at 55 years old, and the promotional material for this item indicates that no-one else thinks that people my age are using such a device at my age either.

We need to stop with the assumption that only elderly people need assistive devices or that there is some sort of shame in needing an assistive device if you are not elderly. I have a lot of problems with my back. I am not ashamed to use this device, but I am very conscious of the fact that people are conscious of my use of it and some of them pity me for it.

I have diabetes. This is a disease that can be managed, but, conversely to the bill of goods that some overpriced snake oil sellers are trying to hand you, there is no cure for it. Type 2 diabetes does occasionally go into remission, but this happens so seldom that I do not expect it any more than I expect to grow several inches taller.

Diabetes does not really frighten me. I am aware that it makes me vulnerable to kidney failure, which also doesn’t particularly frighten me, although I would not want it. The one that scares me is the vulnerability to strokes and vascular dementia. Fuck a whole lot of that shit. Fortunately, I also take antihypertensive medication, so my blood pressure remains in the safe zone.

My thyroid destroyed itself when I was in my early teens, so I have been on and off thyroid medications since then. I can’t tolerate Synthroid. It gave me headaches and it almost put me in the E.R. because it was elevating my blood pressure and heart rate so much. Rather than consider that the Synthroid was the culprit, the doctor I was seeing at the time blamed my weight for causing my blood pressure to rise and put me on propranolol, which is a beta blocker. I have asthma. Beta blockers make me feel like I’m breathing underwater.

Because of the panic attacks I was experiencing when I became tachycardic (talk about your vicious feedback loops), he also put me on clonazepam. I tend to have paradoxical reactions to benzodiazepines, and I had the worst panic attack of my life. I went off ever single one of the medications. It took me three months to return to normally abnormal.

I have been on Armour thyroid for the past 14 years. My current P.A. has adjusted the dosage a couple of times to strike a balance between my TSH reading and my blood pressure and pulse. We seem to have found the sweet spot. I like my current P.A., who has been respectful and treats the patient rather than the chart.

Alas, although my TSH is now in the zone, I am still tired all the time. It is what it is.

I have been trying to get on disability this year. I have been working with a lawyer, and it is still taking forever. I lived in a state of constant anxiety for literal decades due to not being able to sleep properly because I was afraid that I would oversleep. I worked night shift because it worked out better for me than day shift. However, I can no longer do the punishing physical work that I used to do.

My son and I moved to a remote rural area in September of 2019, and we both love this house and this town very much. My son is high-functioning autistic. He has a lot of skills and he is physically able-bodied, but he has never been able to work a normal job.

Both of us would be happy enough to do certain types of remote work. However, even though it has been shown through the pandemic that certain jobs can be done remotely, nobody wants to hire the smelly poors or icky disabled people.

My physical appearance has also been a barrier to achieving certain of my goals, including, oddly enough, my writing goals. You’d think that it wouldn’t matter if a writer has a good face for radio, so to speak, but I’ve seen that, at least with female writers, people tend to want us to be pretty. Seriously, what the hell? Would looking like a beauty queen or a Playboy centerfold make me a better writer? I get so fed up with the bullshit and am disgusted that I’m still fighting the same battles at 55 that I was at 25.

So, what’s to be done? Well, I am nothing if not pig-headed, so I will keep hammering away at things until I make some headway.

I’ve been working to craft my Rough Writer monthly zine, which includes my WIP chapters, poems, and daily-ish nonfiction blather as well as anything else I may write in a month. Sometimes I think that this is a great idea and I’ll be sharing some wonderful wisdom. Other times I’m afraid it’s just another one of my crackpot ideas and that I’m not nearly as deep as I imagine myself to be. I suppose it remains to be seen, but at six bucks for some 50,000 words, you can’t beat the price!

And there you have my thoughts on the barriers in my life.

 ~cie~

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


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Sunday, November 8, 2020

Come As You Are Party: An Open Letter to Anderson Cooper

 

Letters I’ve Written I: Anderson Cooper

8 November 2020

12:34 PM

Dear Mr. Cooper,

When you said these words:

“That is the president of the United States. That is the most powerful person in the world. And we see him like an obese turtle on his back flailing in the hot sun, realizing his time is over."

I saw fit to light you up because that is some rank-ass bullshit.

tRump is an odious human being. His size is not what makes him an odious human being. That fault lies in his behavior.

You have since issued an apology for those remarks, because, as you said, “that is not the person that I really want to be.”

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/anderson-cooper-expresses-regret-comparing-085928301.html

I genuinely hope that it is not, Sir, because there are plenty of those kinds of people, and they do untold harm to innocent individuals whose only “crime” is not measuring up to modern society’s arbitrary standards of attractiveness.

I am a large person with multiple health issues, including mobility issues. I move slowly. If I were to fall on my back in the hot sun, I might very well resemble “an obese turtle flailing around on her back in the hot sun, wondering if her time is over.”

Is it really okay for you to ridicule people like me?

I rather wonder if people were only incensed by tRump’s mocking of the disabled reporter because the man is slim. Were he heavy, how many of you would have said, “yeah, but tRump does have a point—look how fat he is!”

I feel that it is as if you and I come from different planets, Mr. Cooper.

You are wealthy, able-bodied, and most people looking at you would consider you handsome.

My earnings put me below poverty level. I have multiple disabilities, and I am considered ugly. Doubly so because I am heavy.

Fat is not the worst thing that a person can be, and that is what your initial statement implies.

Fat is not a hallmark of laziness, slovenliness, or any other negative thing. It is a neutral state. Why should people be treated abominably because they have a surplus of adipose tissue?

You will never know what it is to have people yelling at you that you are “eating yourself into an early grave,” even though your food intake is no more than that of your smaller counterparts.

You will never know what it is to have people tell you that you “just need to exercise more” as if you could just turn your mobility, pain, and weakness off.

You will never know what it is to realize that the only reason any time a man is propositioning you is because he thinks you’re desperate enough to have sex with anybody who asks, or because he’s doing so on a dare.

You will never know what it is to have people not want to hire you because they assume that fat people are “always taking time off” because of their poor health. I am unable to work at a regular job anymore, but I rarely called in sick during the last twelve years of my working life. I did call in sick a lot previously, but it was not because I was fat. It was because I had untreated PTSD and nowhere to turn for help.

While everyone was patting you on the back for your “obese turtle” comment, I was seething.

You see, I may be a mean old bitch who doesn’t give a rip what a rich pretty boy news anchor or his fans think of me now, but I still struggle with the eating disorder that onset when I was twelve years old because I was terrified of getting fat. I did everything I could not to get fat. I exercised obsessively. I missed a lot of moments with my son when he was little because I was at the gym for up to five hours a day trying to get ridiculously thin.

That gym put up “motivational” pictures of celebrities talking about how they were up to a “gargantuan 132 pounds” before they obsessively dieted and exercised themselves down to “a slim 102,” or something equally unsustainable.

I weighed a good deal more than 132 pounds. If that was gargantuan, what the hell was I?

I tried to hate myself thin for 33 years, Mr. Cooper. It didn’t work. You see, my endocrine system conspired against me, starting with my thyroid, which fried itself when I was in my early teens.

I worked for many years in very physical jobs taking care of people or serving food and drinks while not taking care of myself.

My working life mostly ended in March 2017. I was working as a home health nurse caring for medically fragile pediatric patients. I was very, very sick with a bad respiratory infection, but the coordinator from the agency that I worked for insisted that I go to work because I had contracted the infection from the patient that I was working with so it was reasoned that I could not re-infect that patient.

My diabetes was getting worse. I had not yet started using insulin. My coordinator was always telling me that they were going to get rid of the other nurse on the case, who had lupus, and replace her with me, because she was always calling in. I didn’t want them to do that.

During the night, I fell into a very deep sleep. I do not remember doing so. I would occasionally doze lightly for brief periods of times during a night shift, but I was easily roused. That was not the case on this occasion. The last time I looked at the clock on my laptop, it was 4:00.

I woke from complete oblivion to see the patient’s father sitting on the edge of the patient’s bed glaring at me. It was 4:20 A.M. I gathered my things and left. I was fired, which I expected would happen. The patient’s mother lied and told the agency that I had been ordered to leave. That is not what happened. The patient’s father told me that I could finish the shift. I said that I did not think that would be a good idea and I terminated the shift of my own accord.

At this point, I think that I may have lupus because of my weakness and fatigue and the redness across my cheeks and the bridge of my nose. It is like pulling teeth to get tested.

I tried to work in a long-term care situation after my last case ended with a second homecare agency where I had been working. I only lasted one night. I felt like I was going to pass out and I was confused by tasks that I had handled easily during my clinicals, such as med passes and treatments. The nursing staff was running from the time they arrived and never had time for breaks. Because of my diabetes, I needed to be able to take breaks to check my blood sugar and eat. This was not possible.

Mr. Cooper, it is not people like Donald tRump who get hurt when people like you make cracks like the “obese turtle” remark. It is people like me.

Seeing everyone laughing because someone like you implied that fat is the worst thing that a person can be, and fat people are deserving of derision and scorn is very painful.

My life is already difficult enough.

I try to take daily walks through the little town where I live using my upright walker so I can walk for longer distances than I would be able to if I were compensating for my spine problems. It is one of the poorest towns in the state of Colorado. I would not want to live anywhere else. I do not want to return to the Denver area. I want this to be where I live for the rest of my life. Which, by the way, may be longer than you expect, given my horrible, horrible fatness.

My very fat great grandmother, who had obvious endocrine problems, lived to be 79. It was not any “disease of obesity” that killed her. It was acute myelogenous leukemia, a disease that kills people of all sizes. In fact, she lasted a good deal longer than a thin person would have. She went from 300 pounds to 95 pounds in the space of a year. Then she died.

But hey, at least she cut a svelte figure in her casket, am I right? She was no longer an obese turtle in the sun deserving of the scorn and ridicule of elite news anchors and their cronies.

Mr. Cooper, I hope that you mean it when you say that you don’t want to be the guy who made the “obese turtle” remark. I was extremely disappointed when that guy surfaced, because, prior to that moment, I did not think that you were him.

I’m willing to forgive, but I never forget. I have my eye on you.

Acknowledgments

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