Fudge #WEP

 

If you're hell-bent on using this picture of a pan of fudge, go right ahead.

Critique guidelines:

Major points only. Given the subject matter, I can foresee this becoming a real shit show otherwise.

http://writeeditpublishnow.blogspot.com

August 1

I made fudge. If you need a fast chocolate fix, this is the quickest ever.

1 bag of semisweet chocolate chips

1 can of sweetened condensed milk

1 teaspoon of vanilla

Pour the sweetened condensed milk and chocolate chips into a bowl and nuke them for one minute. Add the vanilla and stir until smooth. Pour into a parchment-lined 8x8 or 9x9 pan. Refrigerate for 2 hours. Eat.

This recipe is the epitome of me in the kitchen. I don’t do anything that involves a lot of prep work.

I am once again recovering from severe emotional dysregulation.

I feel hopeless. Even my writing is like horrible homework.

I want to do the writing part of writing and leave the promotion part to someone who knows what the hell they are doing. I am not a social butterfly. I am more of a social pill bug. If I see someone coming, I curl myself up into a ball and hope they won’t notice me. Unfortunately, at my size, it’s hard for them to miss me.

Social pill bugs tend not to be treated well, even at the doctor’s office. Dr. Deborah Serani, a psychologist who lives with clinical depression, writes about this phenomenon in her excellent Psychology Today article.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-takes-depression/201905/medical-shaming-and-mental-illness

This vitally important takeaway from the article sizes up (Heh! See what I did there?) the attitude that heavy people and patients with mental illness just “aren’t trying hard enough.”

In 1948, The World Health Organization defined health as a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being. Regrettably, it didn't take into account chronic illness or disease and the layered challenges individuals face with such conditions. While the definition of health has changed over the years, most professionals - and the general public - believe health is a state of well-being that a person "earns" or "maintains." This social construct goes like this:

If you eat well, you will be well.

If you exercise, you will be fit.

If you don't have good mental health, you just aren't trying hard enough.

And that those who can't, won't or don't achieve well-being are just weak, lazy - or worse - need to be shamed to get it done.

Shaming doesn’t work, but even doctors, who are supposed to be so much smartier than the rest of us, don’t understand this. If shaming worked there would be no addicts of any kind. There would be no fat people, and nobody would have mental health problems. Everyone would eat the exact right amount of the exact optimal kind of food at every meal. Nobody would drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes or weed, snort cocaine, inject heroin, or become addicted to pills. Everyone would be content to do the jobs assigned to them by those in power.

I recommend re-reading Brave New World. Or reading it for the first time if you haven’t read it yet.

As for me, if hating myself thin never worked during the thirty-three years I tried to do just that, it sure as fuck ain’t gonna work now. The doctor should have berated my thyroid, which killed itself and thrust me onto the path to largeness when I was just thirteen years old. She should have berated my ovaries, which developed PCOS once I was old enough to menstruate. She should have berated my pancreas, which waited until I was 49 years old, but then joined my thyroid in death.

If anything, this woman of medicine who is so much smartier than me should have berated me for becoming bulimic at twelve and starting down a path of lifelong food insecurity, both self-imposed (dieting) and involuntary (not having the money to buy adequate supplies of food while social services tells me I make too much money to qualify for assistance.) Better yet, rather than berating an old broad coming to you because she has a fucking sleep disorder and the sleep specialist said she should, why not berate a society that allows food insecurity and pushes people to hate their bodies?

TREAT THE PATIENT, NOT THE CHART!

This doctor, by the way?

A pulmonologist.

I was there to find out if something was awry with my lungs, not to have bad drugs with serious side effects suggested to me on the slim chance (see what I did there?) they might turn me into the svelte, slinky vixen that every woman is supposed to be.

I am not unaware of my size nor of the theoretical correlation between my size and conditions. However, I’m working on making peace with my body and food because dieting and eating disorders (among other factors) have caused me serious trauma. Even if I remain at my current size (given my history, this is the most likely outcome) my overall health will still improve if I am receiving appropriate care for my underlying conditions.

I guess everyone would have been happier if I’d lived fast, died young, and left a good-looking corpse.

Fuck all of them.

I look out of my shell and realize I’ve failed at my goal of opening people’s eyes to the way bias against troubled people or those who don’t conform to a certain rigid standard of beauty and acceptability hurts the world.

I am aware that I’m ugly.

Those who puff up their egos by shaming those who don’t conform to their standards don’t realize they are ugly too.

I had a couple pieces of the fudge. I think I prefer cookie bars.

Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I don’t eat dessert after every meal or even every day.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Image by HK Mennist from Pixabay

It should go without saying, but I know it doesn't. Comments such as "but it's unhealthy to be fat," "but if you just eat less and exercise more," and "but if you just tried the sawdust and metal shavings diet" are not welcome.

As for the first comment, I'm not going to waste time debating with you. Go read this book. 

https://bit.ly/HAESCIE

As for the second comment, I am excellent at starving myself. It is my first reaction to being size shamed, along with suicide ideation. I can't engage in orthorexia the way I used to because of my back problems. Go read the aforementioned book.

As for the third comment:

Fat Friday: Same Old Song and Dance

 I'm not going to link to the post that prompted this response. It contained the "encouraging" image displayed above.

After 33 years of trying to hate myself thin, I was fortunate to discover the principles of Health at Every Size and size acceptance. Otherwise, I would be 56 years old, still fat, and still loathing myself. I not only have endocrine system issues but I completely wrecked my metabolism with dieting. I have an eating disorder (no, not binge eating, which is what most people think when they see someone my size) that will never go away. I fight with ED, my abusive life partner, every day.

Diet culture destroys lives. Being thin doesn't make someone a better person. I don't eat more than my more slender counterparts. Most of the time I eat far less. The medications I'm on tend to kill my appetite. Still fat. Always will be unless I become terminally ill. I refuse to apologize for my body anymore.

Continuing beyond the comment I left on the blog:

I have "just begun" more times than I can count. I used to lose weight each time. Then the weight came back with friends. About 10 years ago, I no longer lost weight when I started dieting.

Below is the only diet that I follow. The Fuck It Diet is the only diet that works long-term for every body.

http://bit.ly/FIDCIE

I also recommend Health at Every Size by Dr. Lindo Bacon.

http://bit.ly/HAESCIE

I'm not really angry at the person who posted this crap because I was indoctrinated into the Diet Mindset for so many decades myself. I just cringe so hard whenever I see it these days. I want to shake people and scream "you're an intelligent person! How can you buy into this shit?" 

We buy into it because we're reminded every day that we're garbage if we're not perfect.

As Ragen Chastain of Dances With Fat (danceswithfat.wordpress.com) always says, you're the boss of your own underpants. I can't tell you not to try and manipulate your body's size through dieting. I'd simply like to suggest that maybe YOU aren't "failing" at dieting. Dieting is failing YOU. 

(You can buy Ragen's book "Fat: an Owner's Manual" from her website. You can also purchase this cool book of affirmations for every body that she co-authored. http://bit.ly/BodyLoveAffirm)

Dieting fails all but a very small percentage of people who engage in it, and the multi-billion dollar diet industry knows it. They wouldn't stay in business if there were diets that worked. Dieting triggers the body's starvation response, which prompts the body to store fat. That's why whenever a person stops dieting and starts eating normally again (in other words, not starving themselves), the weight they lost returns with friends. Eventually, some people stop losing weight altogether unless something catastrophic happens.

I have diabetes. While I'm not a perfect little saint, I do watch my carbohydrate intake. I often have to prompt myself to eat, because Januvia kills my appetite. I have to fight not to fall into the trap of allowing ED to praise me for not eating.

I wish that dieting wasn't so normalized. When I briefly went back to work in an institutional setting after a couple of years working as a home care nurse, I was reminded of just how obsessed people are with dieting. In the employee lounge, it was all the female employees could talk about. I wanted to go out and sit in my car so I didn't have to listen to the constant diet talk. It was, honestly, insufferable.

I'd love to be able to discuss good low-carb recipes without everything always cycling back around to TEH WATE LOOZE!!!111!! 

I know...thinness is next to godliness, and I am a dreadful fat devil tempting all the pretty, young, thin people away from their youth and slenderness with my devil's food cake and devil dogs and other devilish treats by refusing to buy into the diet industry's lies anymore. 

I honestly don't care about your size, how much you exercise, or your preferred diet. As the late Carrie Fisher opined, that shit's boring. I really hate it when I end up talking about it. I'd rather talk about almost anything else.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Free use image by Open Clipart Vectors

Fat Friday: Weight Loss is Not the Happily Ever After that Diet Companies Want You To Believe

 

How a lot of people think

I would love to be able to discuss carbohydrate intake and eating disorder issues without some fucking fucknugget concern troll always bringing the conversation back around to weight loss.

These fuckers always think that the only kind of eating disorder a fat person can have is binge eating.

I actually do not binge eat. I used to, but I don't anymore and haven't in years. I didn't stop because I became a saintly Thinlier Than Thou. I stopped because when I started treating my diabetes, the ravenous cravings that I used to have for simple carbohydrates were quelled. I stopped because when I was forced to quit working high-stress jobs that left my mind entirely numb and left me feeling like an empty vessel, I was able to consider my meals in a more analytical fashion.

What I actually have problems with is food restriction.

Type 2 diabetics have issues with paradoxical fasting highs.

I'm actually great at restricting food. Today, I've been restricting food since I woke up at 6:15 this morning. I have to hold off on eating for a half-hour after I take my thyroid medicine. That half-hour usually turns into several hours.

So, I'm great at food restriction. Still fat. 

My son isn't fat, but he's on the stocky side. He's prone to skipping meals, not because he's trying to lose weight, but because he doesn't feel like eating or he gets busy and forgets. Still stocky.

Here's the thing. It should not be about whether I'm fat. Since I'm diabetic, a big part of the focus should be on my A1C and blood glucose readings.

However, neither of those should be used as a reason to shame a person either.

Here's the other thing.

STRESS.

It drives up blood glucose.

It drives up blood pressure.

When you create a climate of self-loathing, you create a climate of constant stress. 

Stress increases cortisol.

Cortisol promotes weight gain.

However.

"Fat is the very worst thing a person can possibly be, and food insecurity and stress increase a person's chances of getting fat, so I shouldn't encourage dieting and self-loathing" should not be your reason for not being an asshole to someone.

Just don't be an asshole.

I would like to discuss my diabetic and eating disorder issues without fucking diet talk, fat-shaming, and thin praising always pushing their way into the conversation.

Fuck a whole lot of that shit.

Ornery Owl has Spoken

Fat and Ornery

Free Use Image by Open Clipart Vectors on Pixabay

Hangry

Free use image from Pixabay

Dear Betty Crocker: How About Skipping the Size Shaming With your Soup and Salad Suggestions?

So, I get the Betty Crocker newsletter and I appreciate the helpful suggestions for people like me who are in a time crunch and don't have a lot of money. Recently, I discovered a cool page with tasty soup and salad pairings.

Well, it was almost a cool page. But it screwed that up from the giddyup with the size shaming bold as brass just below the initial picture.

"Fend off winter weight gain with these deliciously light soup and salad pairings."

You know what, Betty? I used to worry about that kind of shit. So, over the course of 33 years, I went on diet after diet. If there was a new diet, I tried it. I lost a lot of weight over the years. It always returned with friends. I had to stop dieting so I wouldn't get any heavier. Lo and behold, my weight stabilized. 

If I eat soup and salad, it's because I want to eat soup and salad, not because I give a flea fart in a category five hurricane about "winter weight gain."

I left this comment on the page:

I prefer my food suggestions without the side order of size shaming. It would have been easy enough to suggest soup and salad pairings without dragging terms like "winter weight gain" into it. Interestingly enough, there are links to dessert or cake-like bread recipes at the top of the page. Which, I suppose, one is supposed to have a nibble of and then throw the rest away due to the fear of "winter weight gain."

Making everything about weight and shaming larger people leads to bullying and eating disorders. That is a side dish I can do without.

It seems to me that the content writers over at the Betty Crocker website need a good dose of the Fuck It Diet. Or, as I like to call it, the last diet you'll ever need.

I only wish I had known about the Fuck It Diet back when I was a bulimic teenager. I also wish there had been big, beautiful role models like Adele, Beth Ditto and Tess Holliday back in the 1970s and 1980s. There might have been fewer vulnerable young women ending up with eating disorders if we had been able to see women of all sizes looking confident and fashionable.

~Cie~