Fat Friday: A Big Fat Fuck You to Anderson Cooper

I did not want to write about this shit today. 

I wanted to write about my characters finding a grim grimoire and all the ghoulish fun that comes with that sort of thing. Instead, I am writing about a shitty, juvenile jab that privileged millionaire asshole anchor Anderson Cooper made about trump resembling "an obese turtle flailing on its back."

If you can't see why this is a really fucking shitty thing to say, sit back, shut up, and let your old Aunt Cie explain this shit to you.

Anderson Cooper just used heavy people--a marginalized group--to insult an odious politician. His insult implies that trump's size is the worst thing about trump. Not trump's policies, not trump's narcissistic behavior, not trump's misogyny, racism, or belittling of disabled people. His fucking size. 

Well, that's a pretty god damn stupid thing to say, but there are plenty of goddamn fools patting Cooper on the back as if the fucker just discovered a goddamn cure for cancer.

I saw some gob-smackingly stupid shit from people trying to excuse Cooper's juvenile jab. Take this bit, for instance.

Colt here excuses using the word "obese" because it's a medical term and trump is, at least according to Colt, "obese."

As I said, "obese" is a medical slur. Its use others large patients and minimizes their concerns. When I worked as a nurse, if a patient was heavy, "obese" was one of the first things that got written on their chart. Doctors looked at this shitty diagnosis and felt that this patient did not need to be taken seriously. Clearly, they had made a "lifestyle choice" to "eat themselves into this condition." All they needed to do is lose weight and everything will be fine. Also, this patient can be treated in a subhuman fashion and psychologically abused with impunity.

You can ask Ellen Maud Bennett how that advice worked out for her.

Oh, wait, no you can't. Because she's dead. Since doctors didn't take her complaints about feeling poorly seriously the multiple times that she made them and instead told her that she would feel better if she lost weight, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer too late to save her life.

Ovarian cancer is very treatable if caught in the early stages.

These doctors are complicit in Ellen's death.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jul/30/canada-ellen-maud-bennett-obituary-fat-shaming

A large body type is rarely the simple result of "calories in, calories out." DNA is the biggest factor in determining a person's body type, but many medical conditions as well as medications play a role as well. Even if being heavy were always the result of a person massively overeating, using such people as the butt of jokes is still a shit thing to do. 

Do you suppose that someone who is a chronic binge eater is happy, and do you really suppose that belittling them will shame them into changing their ways? Do you truly think that your bullying will lead to your target becoming slim and happy and an acceptable member of society, adding to the roster of people that you want to fuck? After all, anyone whom you do not deem fuckable is clearly that way just to piss you off since the world totally revolves around you.

Just admit it. The idea that fat people should be treated with basic decency, including not using them as an illustration of The Worst Thing A Person Can Be, upsets you because you WANT someone that you can scapegoat and be vile to with impunity. Your spirit is so mean and your life such a drag that you must have someone you can shit on in order to prop yourself up.

Now, let's address this foolishness.

"He absolutely deserves to be called the worst things on the planet.

Being obese is not one of the worst things on the planet. If you think that it is, you're part of the problem."

Yeah, but Alexi, Anderson Cooper just implied that it was. That was his big hilarious gotcha. Der Trumpenfuhrer is an obese turtle flailing around on it's back! Hurr hurr hurr! Me so funny! Try again, Alexi.

In closing, Anderson Cooper can go fuck himself, and if you think what he said is the sickest sick burn ever and that he totally deserves a Pulitzer prize for that majorly awesome gotcha, you need to take a hard look at yourself.

Ornery Owl is displeased

Free use image from Pixabay

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Fat Friday: Fuck this Fatphobic Asshole

Image by 微博/微信：愚木混株 Instagram：cdd20 from Pixabay

So I was reading a thread on Reddit about a surrogate who was told by her doctor that she was "tipping the scales" during her last appointment. She said that it was "too late to change doctors." I don't know where she is in the world, but this kind of size shaming bullshit is never appropriate. However, the fact that she is pregnant takes it one step beyond the pale. So, fuck this fatphobic shithead of a doctor. There are far too many of his kind.

However, along comes some champion of diet culture to defend his crappy ass. And they said:

"I understand that this woman should be able to switch doctors, but we also have no clue if she is dangerously overweight and should be keeping it off.

Being obese brings its own health risks and she could be putting herself in danger."

To which I replied:

Good god almighty. The whole BUT TEH OHBEESITEEEEEEEE nonsense benefits no-one except the multi-billion dollar diet industry. It is never appropriate to shame someone for their body type, but during pregnancy is an especially awful time to be telling someone to "LUZ TEH WATEZ AND KEEPZ IT OFF!"

Size shaming results in increased eating disorders and self-loathing. Only about five percent of people (who diet) lose weight long term. Further, chronic dieting slows the metabolism, and people wind up even heavier than they were before they started dieting.

What a doctor should be looking at with extreme weight gain during pregnancy is the possibility of toxemia. A sudden increase in fluid can be a sign of serious complications. I still have stretch marks on the backs of my calves because of the amount of fluid I gained when I developed toxemia. Fortunately, my doctor was not a fatphobic asshat. He realized that there was a serious problem.

In conclusion:

Seriously, fuck both of these assholes.

Free use image by Open Clipart Vectors on Pixaby

Fat and Ornery

Free use image from Pixabay

Insecure Writers Support Group Meets COVID-19

April 1 question - The IWSG’s focus is on our writers. Each month, from all over the globe, we are a united group sharing our insecurities, our troubles, and our pain. So, in this time when our world is in crisis with the covid-19 pandemic, our optional question this month is: how are things in your world?

The world wags on. I live in a remote rural area, and if I didn't have to emerge to do stupid things like going to the pharmacy (it's always a fight to get the necessary amount of insulin), going to finish clearing out an old mobile home to get it ready to put on the market or paying the weekly visit to my mother (300-mile round trip) I would rarely emerge. (Not saying that going to visit my mother is stupid, but the other two things are definitely a source of aggravation.)

Since I do freelance work from home due to being disabled, my life has, fortunately, not been significantly impacted by the Hell Virus. I know that if I were to be infected by a serious case of it, I'd be dead. I have asthma and diabetes. I'm 55 years old and disabled, and the world already thinks that people who look like me should die. I would be triaged as not worth saving. I probably should be scared, but if I put my energy into being scared nothing gets done. So, I get on with things.

I loathe the Orange Menace occupying the White House. His narcissism during this time of crisis is beyond the pale. He should have been hauled out in handcuffs when he was impeached, but like toenail fungus, he remains. I have more respect for toenail fungus than I do for my country's so-called "president."

Yeah, that's about what I've got for now. My snarky alter-egos Ornery Owl and Sly Fawkes collaborated to make this post, which is worth what you paid for it.

Fat and Ornery

Image copyright Open Clipart Vectors on Pixabay

Sly and Snarky

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

Fat Friday: Standing My Ground

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Nothing is wrong with your big body.

The way people with big bodies are abused, bullied, and devalued is wrong.

So, I told myself that I was doing all right, but I was actually starting to spiral. It all came crashing down after I ended up making a casserole that was a culinary disaster and then reading a post on a medical site by a dietitian looking for a punching bag so she turned to fat people, but of course. The sharticle in question used terms like "glorifying obesity." 

After leaving this unoriginal twatwaffle a scathing reply pointing out that there is no "glorifying obesity", there are merely people daring to exist in public while fat and it offends her delicate sensibilities, I deflated like a balloon that had been poked with a pin. I crawled under the covers and went to bed without dinner, falling asleep while watching Clone Wars and wishing I was dead.

People do not take care of things that they hate, and that includes our bodies.

Assholes like this dietitian who rail against fat people like we were the fucking second coming of the black death end up pushing fat people away from seeking help for whatever may be ailing them rather than engaging in preventative or maintenance care. Fat people tend to only go to the doctor when things become critical because of the way we are treated by the medical establishment. This goes a long way towards explaining why doctors only see unhealthy fat people. Who the hell wants to go to a place where they know they are going to be bullied?

This is why size shaming and diet culture don't work. Health at Every Size works.

I'm fat, not stupid. I know when I'm being othered and scapegoated. It's a bullshit approach, and if you use it, I'm going to tell you to go fuck yourself. 

Believe it or not, I used to be a really nice, sweet person. Being bullied and made to feel ashamed of myself at every turn beat that right the fuck out of me.

Right now, t 'is the season for "so, how's your New Years Resolutions (translate: diet culture adherence and burst of orthorexia) going?" posts.

I ditched diet culture ten years ago after 33 years of yo-yo dieting and trying to hate myself thin. I don't do new year's resolutions. If I'm going to exercise, I'm going to exercise. It's hard to do much at this point with my disabilities, but I do try to get in a walk every day. 

I absolutely do not diet. Dieting destroys a person's metabolism. I was a serial dieter and every time I dieted, the weight I lost came back with friends. 

Yes, I'm fat, and if people are going to be jerks about it, they are not people I want around me anyway.

“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.”

― J.K. Rowling

Fat and Ornery

Image copyright Open Clipart Vectors

"Fat isn't the problem. Dieting is the problem."
--Dr. Linda Bacon

Sly's Tackle It Tuesday Holiday Edition + Inner Champion Workbook: Chapter 9: Find Strength in Adversity

Disclosure: If readers purchase a copy of the book through the above link, I earn a small commission from Amazon.

Today's post is written by my social activist alter-ego, Sly Fawkes.

Lessons I’ve learned from challenging experiences:

When it comes to people who are hateful towards me, I've learned that it really isn't me, it's them. Note that this does not prevent the things they say from hurting or stop me from going into a downward spiral of self-loathing in every case. However, these days I am more likely to consider the source. 

If you feel the need to say crappy things about another person, it says more about you than it says about that person. I am not talking about criticisms of bad behavior, I am talking about ad hominem attacks and negative stereotypes. 

dumb blonde

lazy welfare recipient

lazy fatty

lazy (insert race here)

slut

they could just try harder

at least I'm not...

like a girl

maybe if they laid off the cheeseburgers

it's for their own good

users are losers

just get a job

if they just tried they could (insert oversimplified action here)

if they just didn't look so gay people wouldn't pick on them

godless (person who doesn't worship as I do)

disgusting bum

looks too healthy to be sick

probably faking their illness to get out of things

needs to just be more positive

was probably asking for it

Have you ever said any of these things?

Then your New Year's resolution should be to stop being judgmental and hateful. You don't know what anyone else is going through or what conditions or circumstances led them to be where they are now.

Even "if I can do it anyone can" is no excuse for being horrible to someone else. No, not "anyone can." Everyone's circumstances are different. 

Five ways I can positively channel negative energy in my life:

1. You think I'm bad at the things I do? Fine, you are welcome to think that. I'm going to do them anyway.

2. Try to educate through action. I hate the fact that damn near everything I read has to have its Moment of Size-Shaming, which immediately lowers my opinion of the work and its author. It doesn't make me popular, but I call this out wherever I see it. I also try to put my money where my mouth is. I try to have at least one large character in every story who makes a positive contribution. Actions rather than appearances are what makes a person good or bad. Fat is not synonymous with slovenly or lazy. Small is not synonymous with weak. Old is not synonymous with incapable. 

3. Realize that seeking approval from others doesn't work. Anyone who needs me to be perfect or they will ostracize me is not someone I want to keep company with.

4. Tell my story so that others who are being bullied and ostracized realize that they aren't alone.

5. Engage in activism. Try to encourage change in the way people like me are treated. Call out the use of words like "obese," which are used to stigmatize, shame, and silence larger people. 

Obese is a word used to excuse poor treatment of larger patients, to shame them into silence, and to practice lazy medicine, attributing any malady the patient reports to their adipose tissue. This attitude results in dead patients, and I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that.

Ellen Maud Bennett was a 64-year-old Canadian woman. She had been feeling ill for years, but every time she went to a doctor to try and find out what was wrong, they told her that if she just lost weight, she would feel better. When a doctor finally took her seriously, it was discovered that she had stage 4 ovarian cancer. She died a short time later.

Ovarian cancer is extremely treatable in the early stages. If doctors had listened to Ellen instead of dismissing her because of her physique, she would probably still be alive.

Ellen did not want her death to be in vain. In her obituary, she called out the lazy and bigoted practices which resulted in her untimely demise.

Personally, I think that one Ellen is worth a million sanctimonious medical "professionals" half-assing their way through patient "care." Either treat your patients--all of your patients--with respect or find another profession. 

Sometimes doing the right thing means distancing yourself from people or ideologies who refuse to treat you with respect. I have stopped calling myself a feminist after 46 years of proudly bearing the title. I began identifying as a feminist in 1973 when I was eight years old and sick to death of being told what I couldn't do because I was a girl.

Feminism, however, has changed a lot since then. These days, it seems more and more that feminism is only for women who meet a certain standard of attractiveness, and that certainly doesn't include fat women. In fact, most feminists will tell you that they refute size activism because it "promotes obesity and unhealthy lifestyles." Meanwhile, all fat people, but fat women, in particular, experience great difficulty in obtaining compassionate and competent healthcare. Women's concerns already tend to be dismissed by a sexist healthcare system as "hysterical." Fat women are seen as hysterical, lazy, and stupid.

Our current healthcare system literally kills people due to size bias. This bias, by the way, kills thin people too. A thin person is automatically assumed to be healthy, which leads to health problems being overlooked. Medical "professionals" believe that fat people would all be healthy if they'd just lose weight, thus their real health concerns are overlooked. 

Model and photographer unknown

The fact that fat women are seen by modern feminism as unworthy of activism to improve and in some cases save their lives means that modern feminism is unworthy of my support. This does not mean that I will no longer fight for all women's rights to equal treatment and opportunities. It simply means that I will no longer identify as a feminist while doing so. My actions may be feminist A.F., but until feminism embraces all women, including the round ones and those deemed "unattractive" in other ways, then feminism and I must part ways.

Sly wishes you happy holidays, be you thick or thin, and hopes that one day we can find more reasons to embrace rather than ostracize one another.

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

Blow Your Stack Saturday: Feminism That Turns Against Our Fat Sisters is Not Feminist

I'm still discouraged by the use of the term "promoting obesity" regarding plus-size Instagram models by a feminist activist whose work I've long respected. Regardless of whether one feels these (generally young) women are exploiting themselves or seeking attention by posing in skimpy outfits, they are not, in fact, "promoting obesity.' 

I've heard the dismaying argument that feminism should not support size activism on numerous occasions. To believe this is to believe that a person's size is "a choice" and that everyone could "easily lose weight" if they'd just "eat less and exercise more." If this grossly oversimplified belief were true, there would be virtually no fat people because everyone who could do it would do it. If this oversimplified belief were true, I would have been a willowy twig during the years that I starved myself and engaged in orthorexia. I never was.

The woman above was Ellen Maud Bennett, a 64-year-old Canadian who died from ovarian cancer. Ovarian cancer is highly treatable if detected during the early stages. 

Ellen had complained to doctors of feeling poorly for years. Their response was to tell her that if she lost weight, she'd feel better. When one of them finally decided to take her seriously, it was discovered that she had stage 4 ovarian cancer. She died a short time later.

Ellen did not want her death to be in vain, so she had her family include a letter in her obituary. I hope that everyone will take the time to read it, especially those "feminists" who believe that there is a certain weight at which your sisters should be disowned.

Here is Ellen's obituary.

For evidence-based arguments against current size-shaming medical treatment and societal prejudices against larger people, I recommend these three blogs.

Big Fat Science

Dances With Fat

Heavyweight Heart

Heavyweight Heart, in particular, has discussed the racism that was instrumental in forging our adherence to the hateful and unhealthy belief that a woman can never be too rich or too thin. All of these blogs are rich with scientific evidence against the currently held beliefs that fat is the very worst thing a person can possibly be. 

There are certain conditions that are correlated with a larger body type. Correlation is not causation. Generally speaking, telling a fat patient to lose weight in order to resolve underlying health conditions is like telling a man with male pattern baldness to regrow his thinning hair in order to lessen his chances of developing prostate cancer. There is a correlation between male pattern baldness and an increased likelihood of developing prostate cancer. Thinning hair does not cause prostate cancer. The underlying issue, increased testosterone levels, increases the likelihood of developing prostate cancer.

The Minnesota Starvation Experiment reveals what happens to the body and mind when a person engages in restrictive dieting behaviors. Diets do not work long-term in more than five percent of people who engage in dieting. Most people gain the weight they lost back and then some. After many years of weight loss attempts, the possibility of dieting bringing about significant weight loss sharply decreases.

I for one do not enjoy having every waking moment of my day focused on food because I am starving. I went through thirty-three years of yo-yo dieting, and all it brought me was "failure" and weight gain. Combining dieting behaviors with multiple endocrine conditions was a sure-fire recipe for a large body type. But neither I nor anyone else should be having to defend our right to exist and be treated with common decency in the bodies we have. 

If the majority of my sisters have decided to disown me and other women like me because we are fat, or to give lip service to supporting women of all sizes but then tearing down fat women as being lazy and "glorifying obesity" for not hiding our disgusting fat selves away from the view of decent people, then feminism has let me and my fat sisters down.

I will continue fighting for what's right, but I may no longer be able to identify as a feminist while doing so. I consider this a great loss. I first began identifying as a feminist in 1973 when I was eight years old and already tired as fuck of being told that I couldn't do anything interesting with my life because I was "just a girl."

Now I'm hearing "girls can do anything guys can do, but not if they're fat."

Fuck right off with that shit.

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

Sly's Fat Friday: There Is No "Promoting Obesity"

Apparently, the singer Lizzo went to a Lakers game wearing a mini-dress with the butt cut out. Feminist Current correctly pointed out that this was one of those "WTF" things to do, which I agree with. However, the post then used the term "promoting obesity," and that is where they and I parted ways. The following is my response to the post. The comments are, predictably, a shit storm.

While I agree with pretty much everything you say here, I am disappointed to see the term "promoting obesity" used. In fact, I am disappointed to see the term "obesity" used at all. Obesity is a term used to shame, silence, and deny care to patients with larger bodies. There is no "promoting obesity." Further, that you would say such a thing implies that you feel that larger people are all gluttons who revel in their physique. Nothing could be further from the truth. The reality is, when you are looking at an "obese" person, you are probably looking at someone who is well-acquainted with restrictive dieting. You are most certainly looking at someone who is well-acquainted with self-loathing.

A person's physique does not indicate what or how much they eat as much as you think it does. DNA is the primary factor in determining the physique. Medical conditions and medications also play a factor. There is a high correlation between a heavy body type and poverty.

It is distressing to see the "feminism is for women, but not if they're too fat" ideal in play.

I am one of those horrible fat fatties, and I have always appreciated the fact that Feminist Current didn't seem to buy into this awful idea that women only deserve respect if they are thin enough.

I am also discouraged to see the number of commenters dragging this woman's body type into the conversation. It isn't necessary to mention her body type at all, even to say "nobody of any size should have worn such an asinine outfit." You wouldn't say that if a thin woman had done this. Why say it in this case?

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

The Cheese Grates It: Dehumanizing Language

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

I am not providing a link to the blog that I left this comment on. I don't think they intended to be insulting, and I don't want to start a war of some kind. 

The author of the post used this quote regarding the effects of the herbicide glyphosate.

“Consequences are most of the diseases and conditions associated with a Western diet, which include gastrointestinal disorders, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, depression, autism, infertility, cancer, and Alzheimer’s disease”

MDI

I responded thusly:

I think most autistic people, my high-functioning 29-year-old autistic son included, would be insulted to have autism referred to as a "disease". It is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder, but many autistic people do fantastic things and many of them do not exhibit the stereotypical "autistic" behaviors that people unfamiliar with the condition expect. Autism encompasses a wide spectrum of manifestations. People with the condition are more sensitive to environmental stimuli and react in different ways. Some people with the condition react with self-soothing behaviors such as rocking and some become hysterical when overwhelmed. However, there are those like my son who do not act out when overstimulated but will withdraw for a time when able to be away from the stimulus.

My son is much more aware of sounds than most people are. He can hear the sounds of water running through pipes, for instance. I did not know until he was older and he informed me that some sounds are very unnerving to him and that he has an urge to strike his head to get the sounds out. He will notice anomalies in sounds, for instance, if the furnace fan sounded "off" in even a subtle way, he would be aware of it.

Like many autistic people, my son finds comfort in weighted items such as heavy blankets. He will turn fans on surrounding his bed so he can still use his comforter in the warm months because it helps him sleep.

My son processes information a little differently, but I think it is quite unkind to refer to him and other people like him as being "diseased." Listening to and reading the writings of autistic people, I know they find such terms insulting.

As for the word "obesity," pathologizing people's bodies is unhelpful and dehumanizing. People labeled "obese" are treated as inhuman and receive worse care in medical settings. A person's body type is the result of multiple complex influences, not the oversimplified "calories in, calories out" that uninformed individuals love to spout. A larger body type is primarily the result of DNA, but can also be influenced by endocrine conditions and medications. My endocrine system, for instance, is a trash fire. None of it works properly. Unless I contract some sort of flesh-wasting terminal illness, I will never be thin. I do not accept dehumanizing and pathologizing terms such as "obesity." I am a person who has a fat body. I am a fat person. In other words, I am a person, not a disease.

My intent is not to start some kind of war, but to call attention to the fact that it is very easy to pathologize and dehumanize those different from ourselves. When we do this, our message tends to end up getting lost and we may end up shutting out people who could benefit from what we were attempting to promote.

Further thoughts:

I concur with the belief that glyphosate and other pesticides and herbicides cause health problems. They may, in fact, contribute to higher incidences of autism and higher body fat percentages. There are a few things we can take away from this.

Having a larger body is not in and of itself a disease. It may be one of the manifestations of certain diseases or disorders, but it is not itself a disease.

Fat (adipose tissue) is an organ. It grows in response to certain conditions. Some people naturally have more of it. It exists to protect other organs such as the heart, liver, and kidneys and to provide nutrition to the organism in times of food scarcity.

Instead of accusing people with larger fat stores of lacking self-control and gorging themselves, isn't it about god damn time that the medical community instead studies the real reasons why people are getting fatter? Rather than making fat people miserable, how about some unbiased scientific studies about why people are fat? If adipose tissue is growing in response to certain stimuli such as exposure to environmental toxins, wouldn't it be good to know that rather than shaming people and promoting eating disorders?

These are diseases:

gastrointestinal disorders, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and Alzheimer’s disease.

Depression can have several possible causes. Some of these are environmental or situational. It is not a disease in the same way that the aforementioned conditions are diseases.

Autism is a condition with a wide spectrum of expressions. Referring to it as a disease pathologizes and dehumanizes the people who have the condition.

Obesity is a slur. That fucking word needs to die in a fire. It is used to dehumanize and deny medical care to people. 

Having autism is nothing to be ashamed of. Being big is nothing to be ashamed of. 

Be careful when imparting your message that you don't alienate people who might potentially benefit from your message by pathologizing and dehumanizing them.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

Fat Friday #9: Psychology, Psychiatry, Fatphobia, and Misogyny

I have rapid cycling type 2 bipolar disorder. I have paradoxical reactions to most medications. I am a big woman.

I was told to “just stay on” Zoloft, which made me feel like my brain had grown tiny hands and was trying to pick its way out of my skull. I didn’t stop feeling the hands picking at the inside of my skull until I quit taking the Zoloft, against the doctor’s orders.

Effexor made me manic and psychotic as well. I normally do not experience psychosis or full manias.

Most counselors and doctors have gone the “weight loss is the be-all and end-all route,” even though I have serious endocrine problems and weight loss is extremely unlikely. I am food insecure. I don’t even eat three meals a day. I’m still big. Even though I told them to stop pushing weight loss because it was triggering anorexic behaviors. Obviously, I can’t be happy until I’m a petite delicate flower who is pleasing to the male gaze.

Psychology and psychiatry are absolutely misogynist. These doctors don’t care if their patients are happy. They want women to be pleasing to the eye and obedient.

Shrinks: I don't trust them damn crooked vultures.

Yas Qween! Jameela Jamil on Size Discrimination

If calories in-calories out were true, I would be underweight. I am food insecure and only eat one or two meals a day. Being diabetic means that I should be eating regularly, but I can’t afford to. 

My endocrine system is a dumpster fire. It is highly unlikely that I will ever be thin unless I become critically ill.

People get angry about having to give up their hateful attitudes towards larger people because they’ll be losing their scapegoat. There are a lot of really pathetic, petty people who need to have someone they can stomp on in order to make themselves feel powerful. These are shitty people, and I don’t see any reason to continue kissing their asses.

~Cie~

Sly Speaks: Why I Noped Out of my Hysterectomy

I'm 53 years old and I have a history of sexual trauma and issues with my endocrine system including my reproductive system. I have PCOS. I have a degree of endometriosis, and I have polyps and fibroids in my uterus. The fibroids are small, not some grapefruit-sized thing.

I avoided having pelvic exams for close to 30 years because of past sexual trauma and fear of being shamed for being a larger person. I finally found a doctor I could trust to be honest with about my plumbing problems, so to speak. I see her quarterly because of my endocrine issues. When I told her that I had my "annual period" and was hoping this would be the last year for that mess, she said that wasn't normal and referred me to a gynecologist.

The gynecologist was a very sweet person who made me feel at ease. She never shamed me for my size. She did a D&C, which sucked because I felt like someone had been up in my business with a cheese grater, but I wanted to rule out cancer. The biopsy showed that I have simple endometrial hyperplasia with no cellular atypia. My risk of developing uterine cancer is 1.6% greater than the risk for someone who has no hyperplasia.

Hyperplasia is par for the course in someone with diabetes and PCOS. I produce too much estrogen. My primary care doctor is having me try a bio-identical progesterone, which may reverse some of the issues with my plumbing. One can always hope.

I was scheduled to have a hysterectomy, but I canceled the night before. Let me be clear that I'm not fanatical about women keeping their uterus come hell or high water. My son's best friend's mother had such horrible endometriosis that it had invaded her digestive tract. Some people have fibroids the size of a full-term fetus. There is no reason that these people should be forced to keep an organ that is malfunctioning to that degree. But this is not my case.

I always had miserable periods from hell and was glad when they came to an end. Initially, I was gung-ho to get rid of my reproductive organs, but after doing some research I realized I might be trading one problem for another (i.e. my incontinence could get significantly worse) and the inside of my hoo-hah could turn into the Great Southern Desert for the remainder of my life. In the end, it didn't seem worth it to undergo major surgery for a 1.6% higher risk of possible uterine cancer down the line.

Although two of the doctors involved in the process are women themselves (the person who would have done the surgery is a man) and they were all respectful to me, not a single one of them said a thing about the downside of having a hysterectomy. I think that doctors are taught to have this attitude that post-menopausal women are no longer able to have children, so why not just take the uterus out? But major surgery comes with risks. For me to agree to it, the risks have to outweigh the benefits, and they simply do not in this case.

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright Juliahenze @123rf.com

A Very Personal Post: My Hysterectomy and Sub-Par Treatment of Women and Larger Patients

Ragen Chastain of Dances With Fat, a blog which people of every size should read

I normally try to keep my money-saving and life hacks blog confined to products, recipes, and apps which can help put money in your pocket and keep it there. However, sometimes I feel it is important to share personal and societal issues. This is one of those times.

I have blogged recently about having my eldritch horror of a uterus removed on December 17th. My uterus is full of polyps and benign fibroid tumors. There are other treatments for this (ablation, breaking up the tumors with ultrasound, hormones), but they tend to have to be repeated down the line. I no longer have a need for my uterus in this life. I feel that the most efficient course of action at this point is a once and done option: take it out and be done with it. Then there will be no future ablations, no future d and c's, and no more pap smears ever again in this lifetime. Weighing the pros and cons, I believe this to be the best option in my case.

Reflecting on the situation, my uterus probably should have come out ten to fifteen years ago. I always had brutal periods. I do not joke when I say I didn't bleed, I hemorrhaged. However, due to past trauma (sexual assault) and fear of being shamed for my body type (I am built similarly to Ragen, but am nowhere near as beautiful and graceful), I avoided having any sort of "well woman" type of exam for close to thirty years.

I feel like the current approach to focusing on a patient's weight first and, often to the exclusion of all else, is lazy medicine. Doctors fail to take into account that weight is only one part of the equation and correlation is not causation. There are multiple factors at play in a person's body type. DNA is the first and most powerful of these. 

Repeat after me: a rhino is not a unicorn. A rhino does not even know what a unicorn is. I doubt there is a rhino anywhere in the world that dreams of being a unicorn. Also, unicorns aren't real, much like the ridiculous appearance ideals that we learn to impose on ourselves from a very young age.

Dr. Oz (Oprah's pet snake oil salesman) once said that he never sees a fat person who doesn't have cardiac problems. What he neglected to mention is that he never sees a thin person who doesn't have cardiac problems either. He's a cardiologist. But there isn't a big market for weight gain products. There is a multi-billion dollar industry built on convincing people that their bodies are wrong and it's their fault that diets fail time and time again.

Doctors don't tend to see (or notice) healthy fat people, because when a person avoids the doctor's office like the plague for fear of being shamed and lectured about their weight, they tend not to seek medical treatment until the situation becomes catastrophic. Further, poor people regardless of size often can't afford medical treatment and thus avoid seeking medical treatment until the situation becomes catastrophic.

Teaching doctors to shame and scold patients for their physique (or anything else) leads patients to avoid seeing doctors. This is counterproductive. The Western medicine focus also tends to be on treating illness rather than maintaining health. This is counterproductive. The U.S. medical system is broken, and the definition of insanity is insisting on doing something that doesn't work and hoping it will work this time. It doesn't work and it isn't going to work this time. The dead horse needs to be replaced rather than flogged and shocked in hopes that it will wake up and gallop around the pasture like a healthy young colt.

In any case, after many years of going to a doctor who wasn't the worst but seemed to be burned out and going through the motions, I was doing a search for doctors with a Health at Every Size approach. I hope the future will present with many, many more such doctors, but currently, such a search can be extremely frustrating. I happened on a doctor in my general area who stated that she provides a safe space for patients of any race, sex, orientation, or size. I made an appointment right away.

Even though I got on well with this new doctor and trusted her, she had a difficult time examining the plumbing, so to speak. However, we got through it. The results of the dreaded pap smear were normal. But there was more to come.

I see my doctor quarterly because of my endocrine problems. During my April visit, I told her that I'd had my "yearly period." I said it was frustrating to me because I thought I was completely done with the blasted thing, but every year for the past couple years I had a really dreadful, heavy, but fortunately painless period. 

My doctor said that this wasn't normal and referred me to a gynecologist. I was extremely worried, but this incredibly kind and wonderful woman never once shamed me about my body. She focused on the issue at hand and was compassionate about my fears. After performing a biopsy and examination of the inside of the troublesome organ, I was informed that it was housing numerous fibroids and polyps and was sent for a consultation with a surgeon who specializes in gynecologic surgery.

My case is a walk in the park for this fellow. He has a lot of patients dealing with various cancers and severe pathologies. I present with a straightforward, uncomplicated condition, and the surgery should take less than an hour. I'm still terrified and want to run screaming. I hate going under anesthesia. 

The doctors involved in this chain of events have all done things right. They have treated me with respect and not shamed or scolded me for having a body which does not fit society's definition of "ideal" by any stretch of the imagination. This means that I listen to them rather than saying: "well, fuck this shit, I guess I'm going to just have to live with my problems because I don't want to deal with these assholes."

I worked in the medical field for most of my working life. There are patients who are frustrating to deal with. They are noncompliant and expect miracles. There are patients who demand antibiotics for the treatment of viruses. There are patients who seem to believe that doctors are hiding secret cures in their doctor arsenal. There are patients who can't stop smoking even though it's killing them. All of these people need to be treated with kindness and respect, even if the medical staff feels the need to headdesk repeatedly following a visit with said patient.

I've known more than one person who was so addicted to smoking that even though it had serious negative health consequences, they were unable to stop. One was my maternal grandmother, who died in 1992 at the age of 75 from complications of alcoholism. She had emphysema and couldn't make herself stop smoking. She successfully stopped drinking once, but then my cousin (a very broken person) brought over a six-pack one night, and she was right back at it. 

My grandmother had a hard life. It would be frustrating to treat a patient who is committing slow suicide, but it would never be appropriate to belittle or berate such a person. My grandmother only had an eighth-grade education, but she was by no means a stupid person. She had a lot of "horse sense." She was also deeply conflicted and had a very low self-esteem and untreated mental health issues.

I don't know the other person's backstory. She was a customer who came into a restaurant where I worked as a bartender and waitress. She would get coffee and stay for a long time in the afternoon, chain-smoking, reading, and drinking her coffee. She was a social worker who was getting ready to retire. She had a daughter who had borderline personality disorder.

This woman eventually had to have part of one lung removed. She tried to quit smoking, but people would see her around town hiding behind buildings for a puff, even though she had to carry an oxygen tank at that point. She died within a year of the surgery.

Scolding this woman would not have made it easier for her to quit smoking. She wasn't stupid. She knew that smoking was causing her health problems. Addiction is a complicated and misunderstood issue.

Some people equate having a large body type with addiction. This is erroneous. Some people with larger body types have binge eating disorder, as do some people with slender and medium body types. Binge eating disorder is not an "addiction to food," it is a pathological relationship with food. Even if it was "an addiction to food," scolding and shaming a person suffering from said disorder will do nothing but make that person withdraw and stop listening. Nothing good ever comes from scolding and shaming a patient.

What I am getting around to is that I have a health issue which should have been dealt with years ago, but I avoided exams that might have revealed the problem sooner because I was embarrassed and afraid of being shamed for my body. This should never be the case. All patients have the right to compassionate, respectful treatment. 

Pathologizing certain body types doesn't work. Health at Every Size does.

This is why I am committed to never deliberately advertising or promoting weight loss products on the Deliver Me blog. I struggled for 33 years with disordered eating and low self-esteem because of society's attitudes towards people with larger bodies. I went on diet after diet and "failed" every time. Any weight lost always came back with friends. I literally had to stop dieting so I wouldn't gain more weight. 

It wasn't until I discovered size acceptance and Health at Every Size that I realized I hadn't failed, the diets failed. The diet industry thrives on two factors:

Diets don't work

Dieters believe that they, not the diet, are at fault for the diet not working.

I will never knowingly sell snake oil or false promises. 

I will only promote products and services which I believe can be helpful in some capacity. Diet and weight loss products never are.

~Cie~

The Cheese Grates It: Fake Friends, Fibroids, Incontinence, and Keeping it Real

Me (puffy endocrine face and all) and Crowley

I don't give one single fuck if you find me attractive or not

Every person is deserving of basic common decency, not just the ones you've deemed "fuckable"

This post is a response to Nicole at Cauldrons and Cupcakes. I tried to leave a comment on her blog, but. like so many Wordpress blogs, the overly aggressive Spam filter ate my comment. See "why Cie hates Wordpress."

Nicole, thank you for sharing your struggles. I started being real about my health struggles back when I was first diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder at age 38 and have been doing so ever since. I was raised in a family that believed in hiding their problems. I've since had to become used to more and more physical issues while trying not to hate myself for having them, because ill health was seen as a weakness when I was growing up.

The one thing that I was disinclined to discuss even after I started being honest about my psychiatric and endocrine issues was the incontinence that I've suffered with since I was 40 years old. I never saw a doctor about it until this past year because of a history of trauma and because I didn't want to be humiliated for my size while in a compromising position. I am a big person, and, given my endocrine issues, it would be almost impossible for me to be anything but and still be standing. The treatment of larger people by the medical establishment is unconscionable and leads larger people to avoid treatment until they experience critical health problems. 

I finally found a doctor that I felt I could trust to discuss my "plumbing" issues, including my "annual period" that I've had even after menopause. She told me that this sort of bleeding was abnormal and referred me to an OBGYN who turned out to be wonderful and compassionate. She never once made an issue of my weight. I had a D&C done, which revealed that my uterus is chock full of fibroids and polyps. Given that I no longer have a need for this particular organ, it is coming out in three weeks.

I've read that fibroids can promote urinary urgency. I have urge incontinence as opposed to the more common stress incontinence. I'm crossing my fingers that the hysterectomy might help improve this problem. I'm not one of those people with "light bladder leakage." Sometimes I can stop it before it becomes a full-on flood, but not always. Those dainty little panty liners wouldn't do doodly squat when I lose urine. I have to wear the big overnight incontinence pads.

It's possible that I should have had a hysterectomy years ago. I've always had really miserable, heavy periods, but I attributed them to my endocrine problems. People with hypothyroidism are, apparently, prone to heavy periods. I might have done something about it sooner, but because of the trauma I've suffered, I really don't like people "up in my business." Not that anyone likes gynecological exams, but I am psychologically traumatized by them. The idea that I might be belittled for my size made it a real no-go, and, thus, I avoided having such an exam for close to 30 years.

The medical establishment really needs to change their approach to larger people, to women, and probably to people as a whole. Many people who go into medicine lack compassion. I am a former nurse (still licensed, no longer practicing) and I can attest that nursing school was one of the most fatphobic environments that I ever had the displeasure of finding myself in. If we want a healthy population, we need to treat people of all sizes and with all issues including addiction with respect and compassion.

As for your "friend," I'm sorry that you discovered that she really wasn't one. (One of Nicole's "friends" berated her for being open about her health issues and sharing "unflattering" photos of herself.) I hate those discoveries. But in the end, it's kind of freeing to drop away from the people who like to imitate millstones.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~