A haven for creative people living with mental illness. This is the place where you can tell it like it is, not yet another place where you have to pretend to be someone you've been told you should be.
Saturday, August 27, 2022
Writing Off the Edge: WEP August 2022 Challenge: Moonlight Sonata
Saturday, July 30, 2022
Blow Your Stack Saturday/Snippet Sunday/Weekend Writing Warriors 30 July 2022
On July 5, I received a few books that I ordered from Thriftbooks.
You, the reader, need to check out Thriftbooks.
One of the books was The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.
I wrote my name in my new book the way I did when I was a little kid.
“This book is the property of Ornery Owl, July 2022.”
Okay, I didn’t write the Ornery Owl name when I was a little kid because I didn’t think of that one until 2019. But The Artist’s Way is the property of Ornery Owl, because that is the persona that will heal the rest of me.
One of the first things Julia talked about is writing three journal pages every day. These are supposed to be handwritten. I don’t know if that’s going to happen.
OFFICIAL SNIPPET END
(Spoiler: it's been happening all month. I'm actually kind of surprised.)
I've really been struggling this year, so thank you for indulging me with this snippet from something that may or may not ever be published depending on how evil I'm feeling. If I'm feeling especially evil, I will probably unleash it on the world.)
Saturday, June 18, 2022
Blow Your Stack Saturday Lax Postmortem Procedures: UK and US
I'm in the US. My father wasn't given a proper post-mortem, and it would have cost too much money to insist on one. The cause of death listed on his death certificate was listed as the vague "delirium."
I'm not suggesting that there was any wrongdoing in my father's death. There wasn't. He was given good care in the hospice. His health had been in decline for years, even preceding the major hemorrhagic stroke at 68 that left him handicapped. In retrospect, he had been having TIAs even in his 50s. His vascular system was a mess.
In the years following the big stroke, he had several smaller strokes. He developed vascular dementia and lost the ability to walk. He had been a college professor, but at the end of his life, he sat reading the same page of a catalog repeatedly. He was starting to sundown, and confused scenes on TV with reality. He also developed congestive heart failure, which caused fluid buildup in his trunk and extremities.
When he died, his lower legs were dark purple and edematous.
So no, there were no signs of foul play in my father's death, but the cause of death was not "delirium." It was vascular problems and congestive heart failure. We simply would have felt better if there was a more thorough report on the cause.
Saturday, May 21, 2022
Blow Your Stack Saturday: Remember Then
If you were to aspire a little higher right now, with no miss-understandings to handicap you, what would be your desire?
I remember what it was like to just write what I wanted to write without worrying about any commercial potential.
I remember what it was like when exercise was fun before the worries about being good enough or whether it had the potential to make me lose weight.
I remember what it was like to take a walk without having to worry about randos hollering at me or well-meaning but ultimately discouraging people telling me they'll pray for me or admonishing me that if I just prayed harder all my handicaps would fall away.
I have a bad back. My upright walker means I can sit down when it starts hurting and then roll on my way when I'm ready. It helps keep my spine in good alignment. Walking without support, my right side slumps. For fuck's sake, if prayer works, there are people who actually need it. People with terminal or degenerative conditions. Not me. You'd think these people had never seen anyone use a walker before.
I need to encourage myself to put on my headphones (the universal symbol for "fuck off and leave me alone") and get rolling again. Not today, though. It's cold today.
I have a sketchpad. I should get out there and start sketching again.
Why do people see the need to put stupid conditions on things? Find things you like to do and do them. That's my only advice. I'd rather encourage than discourage.
As a reminder, this blog is a diet talk and weight loss talk-free zone. It's fine to discuss how diet and weight-loss culture have impacted your life. It is not fine to encourage dieting or exercise with weight loss as a goal. That shit fucked up my already fucked up metabolism even worse. I will have to contend with body dysmorphia and my abusive life partner, ED (Eating Disorder), for the rest of this incarnation. ED doesn't need any encouragement. Don't feed him.
I'm answering a question from The Maestro Monologue.
White, Rob. The Maestro Monologue: Discover Your Genius. Defeat Your Intruder. Design Your Destiny. (p. 15). The Mind Adventure Inc.. Kindle Edition.
If you purchase a copy of the book through this link, I will earn a small commission from Amazon.
Saturday, March 19, 2022
Blow Your Stack Saturday: I Found Myself Again
Saturday, March 5, 2022
Blow Your Stack Saturday: Welcome to Whitewashed Utopia
Saturday, November 6, 2021
Kestril's Rhythms and Groove: Origin Story
Saturday, October 23, 2021
Blow Your Stack Saturday: Con Men
A response to a smart bit of prose:
https://rugby843.blog/2021/10/18/mlmm-wordle-262
Peter is more clever than the would-be con man who tried to take advantage of my "desperation" back in 2006. The thing he didn't anticipate was the fact that my being middle-aged and fat didn't make me desperate. Having to deal with guys like him made me grouchy. Hopefully, everyone he targeted gave him a similarly cool reception.
Seriously, this guy was as stupid as a box of rocks. He was obviously looking for a green card and he thought referring to me using terms such as "sexy angel" and telling me that he fell in love with me on first sight would do it. Who could have anticipated me telling him to go fuck himself when he also inquired if I was "lazy" because I bemoaned not enjoying housework.
Even if he hadn't added the "lazy" bit, I still would have blocked him. He was a nuisance.
~Old Fat Ornery Owl Has Spoken~
Saturday, April 3, 2021
Blow Your Stack Saturday: The Truth Must Be Told
This is a response to a post by Mubashshira. The image is their work.
https://musingsbymubashshira.com/2021/04/01/saving-myself-poem/
My usual spring depression was mercifully brief this year, but I'm having really messed-up dreams.
The doodle is a real work of art. My doodles look like a pre-schooler stuck a crayon between the toes of their non-dominant foot.
I appreciate it when people tell their truth. I think it's wretched the way society shames people for being honest like we're always supposed to be giddy with glee and the sky is filled with unicorns farting rainbows and pooping ice cream cones.
A lot of my poetry tends to be pretty dark. Hence, I don't have much of an audience. I've tried to give the people what they want, but that always ends up feeling like a lie. So I always end up going back to being my old salty, snarky, and melancholic self.
Saturday, March 27, 2021
Blow Your Stack Saturday: I'm Not Special or an Inspiration and I Don't Want to Be
I suppose people mean well, but I find it demeaning and the trepidation at being confronted with praise for going out and taking a walk makes me not want to go out.
Anyway, this post inspired me to lay down these thoughts, which means it was thought-provoking, and that's good. So, thank you!

































