There is no calm at the eye of this hurricane
I attempt to be stoic while confronting the fiasco
Of fools who think it is their duty to command in patronizing voices
That I oughtn’t to overeat
When I am sitting at the table
Minding my own business while having a cup of gelato
I am not given to overeating or veisalgia these days
I do not enjoy the feeling of having overdone things
But despite my tendency to moderation, which is no-one’s business but my own
People who don’t even know me take it upon themselves
To be throwing their derision in my direction
Because I dare to exist in public while fat
And even to eat where I can be seen sometimes
I try to stand sturdy like an ilex
I try to bear up under the heat like irons in a fire
I try to add a ferrule of positive thinking to my arsenal of weapons
But I can feel the whirlwind of self-loathing brewing in my psyche
Turning my soul indigo in the face of disdain known all too well
There will be no waterfall of tears
I learned long ago not to cry
But the desire to destroy myself surfaces in my soul
The need to vomit up all I eat rises in my gullet
The self-loathing starts to consume me, and I wish I could eat myself from within
Nibble myself down bit by bit until I disappear
I once wanted to be pretty
Now I just want to be invisible
I can rail about the fact that my body betrayed me
My endocrine system went awry
Fat is what I am
Regardless of what I eat or how little
Though I damn well should not have to feel beholden to explain such things
And nor should anybody else
When you see a fat person that you don’t know
You can say hello with a genuine smile in your voice
Just like you would say to someone you wanted to fuck
Now, wasn’t that easy?
No need to moralize anyone’s body or food intake or appearance
No need to make anybody feel
As if they should eat themselves until they waste away
~cie~
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