Friday, March 5, 2021

If I Had Only...


Image by Dina Dee from Pixabay

This is my response to a post by C. Lee Mackenzie.

As someone who has been sexually assaulted, I resonate with the feeling of wondering what I did to provoke it. Even years after the event, I wonder if maybe I could have prevented it if I had behaved differently at the time.

The image that I chose for the post reminds me of a dream that I had at six years old. In a tomb within a pyramid was a woman wrapped in bandages like a mummy whose body had been cut into perfect cubes, yet she remained alive. Her face had not been wrapped. She was anywhere between 25 - 40 years old. Her eyes were closed and her expression was one of sadness and resignation to her fate. There were at least two men in the tomb with her. I could sense that she felt like she might as well play dead because a woman is not allowed to live her own life, she must live to serve man.

I can't recall being consciously aware of the prevalence of chauvinistic attitudes and the fact that women are always supposed to be pretty and compliant while men can look however they look and do whatever they like, but I suppose that I must have had some awareness of the inequalities that I was destined to face because I was a girl. I wasn't pretty, but I wanted to be. Still, perhaps there was an awareness that being perceived as pretty is a trap too. It sucks to only be desired for beauty.

Even at that young age, I was aware of the way that men looked at women and what they expected of women. My mother did not get to have her name as "Susan Ornery" or even "Mrs. Susan Ornery" on her credit card. The name on the credit card was "Mrs. Roger Ornery." The department stores and credit card companies viewed married women as their husband's property.

At six years old, I had the silly idea in my head that I wanted to have twelve children named after each month of the year. I later altered this to the more sensible idea of having twins, a boy named Glen and a girl named Glenda, because I loved Glen Campbell's song "Rhinestone Cowboy." However, I knew damn well that I never wanted my name on my credit card to be "Mrs. Dick Grayson," even though I was head over heels in love with Burt Ward as Robin. Even if I changed my last name, the first name on my credit card would be my own.

I honestly see that dream as precognitive. I have had a difficult go of things and many of the abuses that I have endured are 100% because I am female and there are a lot of angry males in the world who use women and children as punching bags.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Free use image by Open Clipart Vectors on Pixabay


  1. Oh yes.
    At the moment over here that self entitled, self serving attitude that so many men have is making headline news. A young political staffer was raped in her Minister's office after a boozy night out. She was too afraid to continue with her complaint to police - because she felt she would lose her job. Years later (and out of the job) she is. I so hope that justice is served.
    Running parallel is a story about a senior minister (the attorney general no less) who reportedly raped a young woman decades ago when they were both young. She finally did go to the police - but then sent a message saying that she didn't want to pursue her claim and killed herself. The Minister says that it is not true. Our Prime Minister says that he supports him and is refusing to stand him down or have an enquiry. There are LOTS of Australian women raging.

    1. We have a tRump-appointed Supreme Court justice, Bret Kavanaugh, whom I have no doubt raped the woman who spoke out against his appointment. tRump himself has sexually assaulted several women and is a complete misogynist pig. Yet people excuse this behavior in powerful men. Anyone who thinks that we don't still live in a sexist society is willfully ignorant.


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