Ugly Fat Old Failure Intro

 

Image created by the author with free-use elements from Pixabay plus text art and enhancements from Pixlr. Base images by Dina Dee and John Hain from Pixabay. The woman depicted is an AI creation, not an actual person.

The reasons for the war I am about to wage date back decades, even centuries in some cases. I was not around in this form centuries ago, but I may have been there in a different one. However, this book is not about reincarnation. I will strive to remain on topic. Having ADHD means going off on unrelated tangents is a far from slim possibility.

I am a woman. A large woman. A woman who has been on the planet for close to six decades. A woman whom no-one would ever mistake for cute, hot, pretty, sexy, or any other such thing that all women are supposed to be in order to be judged momentarily worthy of attitudes other than outright disdain. This explains the presence of the unflattering adjective Ugly in the title. Personally, I feel both Old and Fat are neutral descriptors, but all too many people use these words as insults.

As for the descriptor Failure, my reason for choosing that word stems from an article I read several years ago. Sadly, I don’t remember the name of the person who wrote the article. I believe she was a doctor attending a conference. When she expressed the opinion that shaming larger patients did nothing to improve their well-being and, in fact, prompted them to avoid seeking medical care, many of her fellow physicians laughed at her. One even commented something along the lines of “do you think coddling these losers will do anything to improve their failed lives?”

This is exactly the way many doctors feel about their larger patients. It is an attitude encouraged by medical schools. I somehow survived nursing school without offing myself or anyone else. Fatphobic attitudes are prevalent AND encouraged in nursing schools. They were also prevalent in the hospitals where I did my clinicals. In fairness, the staff at one of these hospitals treated a very large woman suffering from depression severe enough that she had become nonverbal and unable to care for herself with great kindness, never shaming her for her size or for not responding. It is one of the few times I have seen a fat patient treated with real compassion.

Fatphobic attitudes were not encouraged in the EMS program I attended. We were trained that our goal was to help patients get the care they need, not to scold or belittle them. Even if they were chronic substance abusers (known in the business as Frequent Fliers.) Even if they were extremely heavy. Even if they lived in squalid surroundings. The reasoning for this (sensible) rule was a practical one. Shaming patients does not encourage them to get the care they need. We are there to help them get care.

Here are your three options for reading the rest of the chapter:

https://odysee.com/@crazycreativescheerleadingcamp:2/intro-ufof:e?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

Purchase the PDF for 100 LBC (approximately $1) on Odysee. This is the preferred option for anyone who would like to support my work but doesn't want to commit to a monthly subscription.

https://reamstories.com/naughtynetherworldpress

Subscribe to the $5 tier (Sneak Peeks) on Ream. This gives you early access to chapters from all my independent works plus Lil DeVille's naughty one-off stories if that's your sort of thing. 

https://open.substack.com/pub/naughtynetherworldpress/p/ugly-fat-old-failure?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Subscribe to the official Naughty Netherworld Press Substack. There are only two options with this one, free and $5 per month. The Substack subscription gives you pretty much the same thing as the Sneak Peeks tier on Ream. 

Another Book Beginning: Don't Write a Novella In 24 Hours

 

The following is an excerpt from another of my nonfiction WIPs. This one is called Don't Write a Novella In 24 Hours. 

1. Introduction

First of all, it is necessary for me to state that I’m not trying to start a war with Andrew Mayne, the author of How to Write a Novella in 24 Hours. In fact, I recommend reading his book. It contains lots of useful advice in a small package. I particularly appreciated the building your author empire and book cover sections. However, I found attempting to do what the title suggests soul-crushing.

https://amzn.to/3Yu1sgU

I bought the book back in April while attempting to complete multiple creative projects. I am generally capable of creating the first draft of a 20,000-word story in ten days.

Let me introduce my writing personas. Lil DeVille is my pen name for erotica and C. L. Hart is my pen name for pretty much everything else. My poetry persona is Ornery Owl, but I publish the works under my real name. I write on mental health and recovery topics as Cara H in keeping with the ideals of recovery programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous.

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

When writing works such as this one, I am not Cara Hartley, Aspiring Poet and Hack Writer. I’m just Cara H, a fatally flawed fuckup who would love to change the world but doesn’t know what to do. I’m no better or worse than anyone else.

Truthfully, I don’t have problems with thinking I’m superior to others. Believing I’m inferior comes naturally. Toning down the acid-tongued diatribe of my inner critic, whom I call Ayce Hole, is an uphill battle. Ayce Hole is pretty much every mean girl from every teen movie combined with every abusive headmistress. She’s flat-out awful. She and Rick Springfield’s inner critic, Mr. Darkness, would probably get on like a house on fire. They both want to watch the world burn.

If you’d like to read Rick’s autobiography, you can find it here.

https://amzn.to/3qq5Dh8

I never would have guessed Rick Springfield was a kindred spirit. He seemed like someone who had it all. He’s good-looking and talented. However, looks and talent can’t heal deep emotional wounds.

Back to the April breakdown that inspired me to write this book.

I was working on a story called The Quest for Captain Sammy’s Treasure under the C. L. Hart pen name for potential inclusion in the Pirate Gold anthology from Dragon Soul Press. I’m happy to report that the story was accepted. You can follow this link to grab your copy of the anthology.

http://books2read.com/PirateGold

I was also doing a poem a day for potential inclusion in the Soul Ink anthology from Dragon Soul Press. I’m pleased to report that all 25 of the poems I submitted were accepted. You can purchase Soul Ink through the following link. I’m a poet, and I know it!

https://amzn.to/3CL4fs5

There are three options available to read the rest of the chapter.

https://odysee.com/@crazycreativescheerleadingcamp:2/dwanin24intro:a?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

Purchase the PDF for 100 LBC (approximately $1) on Odysee. This is the preferred option for anyone who would like to support my work but doesn't want to commit to a monthly subscription.

https://reamstories.com/naughtynetherworldpress

Subscribe to the $5 tier (Sneak Peeks) on Ream. This gives you early access to chapters from all my independent works plus Lil DeVille's naughty one-off stories if that's your sort of thing. 

https://open.substack.com/pub/naughtynetherworldpress/p/dont-write-a-novella-in-24-hours?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Subscribe to the official Naughty Netherworld Press Substack. There are only two options with this one, free and $5 per month. The Substack subscription gives you pretty much the same thing as the Sneak Peeks tier on Ream. 

https://odysee.com/@LastScoutRadio:1/video1894846070:a?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

When I want to hear radio done right, I head for Last Scout Radio on Odysee. It's like old-school FM radio before it went to crap. 

Stick it to YouTube and subscribe to Odysee. It's free and you can find all sorts of cool and unique stuff. You can even create your own channel or channels and potentially make a coin or two. 

Charity Sunday: Team Beans Infant Brain Tumor Fund

 

First, I am going to share the letter from Francesca's parents.

Help us fight childhood brain cancer for Beans

Today should be Francesca’s third birthday.

March 11, 2020 was the happiest day of our lives, getting to start a new exciting adventure with our first baby girl. Sadly, Beans got just nine short months on this Earth. 

We would love your support in honoring Francesca’s third birthday with a donation of $11 or more to the Team Beans Infant Brain Tumor Fund’s team in the Pan Mass Challenge. 

We try to honor her and remember her everyday. She should be running around and talking and getting ready to start school. Sadly, infant brain cancer stole that life from her that she should have gotten to live. 

We’ve set a goal of $150,000 for Dana-Farber Cancer Institute - and would love your support to hit it and help us pass $3 million raised for infant brain tumor research!

Donate here:

https://profile.pmc.org/AK0302

Regardless of the number of comments, I intend to donate $11 to the Team Beans fund.

I am sharing a snippet from the memoir/workbook that I have been trying to create for years. Writing fiction is challenging. Revealing my own vulnerabilities is difficult in a different way. I discover time and again that most people don't understand what it is to live with a brain that works differently, and most of them don't want to. 

So, why in the world would I continue putting my truth out there?

Because I believe there are still young people whose neurological and cognitive differences and reactions to trauma are being misinterpreted and/or ignored. I want them to know it isn't their fault. So, here we go with a little snippet from my maybe memoir/workbook.

I used to hate the child I was. “What a little fuckup!” I thought. “If she could have just paid attention and done things ‘right,’ I’d be much further along in life!”

I now wish I could go back in time and reveal what I know now to my younger self. I wish I could hug her and let her howl out all her rage and pain. I’ve lived close to six decades and typing these words bring tears to my eyes. The world let that child down, my adult self included. It’s later than it should be, but now I’m trying to give her the understanding she missed out on.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

http://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com

Book Beginnings/First Line Friday: The Maestro Monologue

 

For Book Beginnings and First Line Friday, here is the First Beginning Line from The Maestro Monologue by Rob White.

IT’S TRICKY Grab hold, you are about to awaken to what you “already know” about yourself but aren’t yet aware that you know.

White, Rob. The Maestro Monologue: Discover Your Genius. Defeat Your Intruder. Design Your Destiny. (p. 1). The Mind Adventure Inc.. Kindle Edition. 

I am reviewing the book for the Online Book Club.

http://onlinebookclub.org

If you purchase a copy of the book through the following link, I will earn a small commission from Amazon.

https://amzn.to/3ltlntN

https://www.rosecityreader.com/2022/05/the-double-life-of-katharine-clark-by.html

https://readingismysuperpower.org/2022/05/19/first-line-friday-week-290-fascination/

I've been having a little trouble coming to terms with myself this year. If this book can help me get closer to doing that, then it will exceed my expectations. It's well written, but I often find that self-help books only get me so far. I tend to engage better when I'm able to do something active, like play a game or answer a question.

 Back in school, I always learned better through games than with methods such as flashcards. I had a very good instructor for my medical terminology class in nursing. She noticed that I was distracted when practicing with the flashcards. She said, "you aren't getting anything out of this, are you?" 

Surprised, I said, "honestly, no." 

She said, "then try some of the other activities and find one that works for you."

I excelled when doing the crossword puzzles and other word games and ended up with an A in the class.

I like to discuss learning and coping strategies for ADHD because I hope that if someone recognizes themselves in the stories I'm telling, they'll realize that they aren't stupid, they simply learn and interact with the world differently. Many people have been punished for not learning in a very specific, rigid way. 

Okay ProWritingAid, that's a terrible suggestion. ProWritingAid is telling me that I should replace "many people have been punished" with "I have punished many people." I did nothing of the kind, and I resent that accusation.

That's about it for now. I may do these blog hops again, although I tend to be a sporadic participant.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

FOAD Thursday: Secret Scam

 

Free use image copyright Open Clipart Vectors on Pixabay

https://pixabay.com/vectors/comic-characters-man-mann-1296081/#

A fellow on Twitter asked if we believed in "The Secret," to which I replied:

I believe "The Secret" is a way to get large amounts of money from desperate people. When my son was in 8th grade, one of his teachers had the students read it & write letters to themselves to be opened @ 21. My son wrote, "dear future me, I hope you still think this is BS."

In continuation, when my son opened the letter from his teenage self at 21, he chuckled and said:

"Dear younger self, yes, I do."

When I was 18, I excommunicated myself from the Catholic church because I could no longer abide by the rigid, dogmatic, "my way or the highway" thinking. I was a rudderless ship being captained by a lost soul. Initially, I latched onto basic Paganism, reading Tarot cards, and doing spell rituals with candles and incense.

Unfortunately, my desperate need to understand myself and to BECOME SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!11!!! led to my falling down the rabbit hole of self-help books and New Age thinking. I stayed in this hole from 1985 until 2010 and spent thousands of dollars trying to "fix" myself.

I learned a few things on this long, strange trip.

First, the New Age and self-help industries are just as toxic and dogmatic as any church, and they love to blame the victim. Did you get sexually assaulted? Hey, it's not just because you wore that dress, Sunshine! It's also because you were sending out a low-energy vibe that attracted predators! If you put yourself into a den of wolves, you shouldn't be surprised when you get attacked.

Do you have a chronic illness? Well, it's all the fault of your low self-esteem and the fact that you aren't adhering to our approved diet plan. Your throat chakra is out of alignment because you don't like yourself, so now your thyroid gland has gone to pot. WHY DON'T YOU LIKE YOURSELF, YOU PIECE OF SHIT???? JUST LIKE YOURSELF, AND YOUR HYPOTHYROIDISM WILL BE CURED!

I shit you not, I read something pretty much like that.

I honestly don't have a problem with practices such as chakra meditation, which can contribute to relaxation and well-being. But tying these practices into a victim-blaming guilt trip isn't helpful, it's toxic.

I believe that stress can and does trigger and exacerbate certain disease processes. But it helps absolutely no-one to scold them about the need to be less stressed. The answer to that is, well, no shit, Sherlock! But it isn't always so easy to make it happen.

I was always struck by the fact that those who have money are more readily able to go on retreats, get massages, and, you know, get things fixed when they break down. I lived for years in a place that had no working furnace. I was working at the time, but couldn't afford to get it fixed. I also couldn't afford to get massages or even take time off from work.

We live in a society of haves and have-nots that is more Metropolis or Brave New World than some sort of egalitarian utopia. Those who perform the mundane, necessary jobs to keep society running are relegated to working in low-paying, stressful, demeaning, and often dangerous conditions rather than being given necessary protections, respites, and respect.

New Age thought preaches that everyone should aspire to become one of the upper echelon living life in the cloud city, high above the low-paid lower class. The lower class deserves to be in their strata, whether because they were born with inferior genes or because they are sending out "low" vibrations, making it their own fault that they are suppressed and living out a life of misery.

The Secret is horseshit. It has done a great job of making money for its creator, not such a good job at helping anyone else although there are a lot of people who have convinced themselves that it is their salvation.

Ornery Owl Has Spoken

Ornery Owl

Free use image by Open Clipart Vectors on Pixabay

Ornery Reviews: Happy Healing and a Testimony

Genre:

Nonfiction/Health/Alternative Medicine

Rating:

Four out of Four Stars for Online Book Club

Disclosure:

I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.

If readers purchase a copy of the book through the above preview link, I earn a small commission from Amazon.

Click here to read my exclusive review for Online Book Club.

As I explain in my Online Book Club review, this book does not fall into the category of mysticism or metaphysics. Although the author occasionally suggests what might be interpreted as prayer, the techniques outlined in Happy Healing are self-hypnosis. Self-hypnosis is not a new treatment, but the approaches offered in the book are novel.

In my review, I offer a story of how the techniques in Happy Healing helped me come to peace with the injury which led to my being unable to continue working at my job delivering groceries and alcoholic beverages.

Two years ago, I worked for a company called GoPuff, which is a subsidiary of GrubHub. I advise that no-one work for any subsidiary of GrubHub because they do not care one iota about the well-being of either their employees or their contractors. They never had enough drivers on the schedule on weekend nights. They would have four managers in the warehouse. Three of the managers would switch over to driving, leaving one manager running around like a chicken with her head cut off. I have nothing bad to say about any of the onsite managers. They worked very hard. GrubHub, however, gets no love from me.

I started feeling tingling in my left hand, which I ignored. I was carrying very heavy loads, sometimes over distances of several blocks because the deliveries were often in the middle of downtown Denver and there was no place to park, sometimes up several flights of stairs in buildings where there were no elevators. One time I almost fell through a porch that had rotting wood. Many times, the stoners who would order from us wouldn't answer the door. After pounding on the door for several minutes, I would call the warehouse and the manager would call the customer. There were times when the manager couldn't reach the customer either. I liked those customers better than the ones who would cuss me out because the delivery was made several hours after they ordered it and GrubHub customer service couldn't be bothered to call and tell them it was going to be late.

There was no interim "this is getting worse" with my arm. It went from numbness and tingling in my hand to unbearable pain from shoulder to fingertips. At that point, I had no insurance. I had to quit working so I could get Medicaid back. I couldn't sit up for more than about 45 minutes before the pain in the arm became unbearable and I had to lie down on it to numb it. I have lived most of my life with chronic widespread low-grade to mid-grade pain due to fibromyalgia. Chronic severe pain is a different animal entirely. There were times when I very seriously considered suicide because the pain was so intense. I forced myself to wait until I had Medicaid so I could get physical therapy.

Although I was already sympathetic, I came to a personal realization of exactly how people in chronic pain become addicted to painkillers. When you are in chronic intense pain, the thing you want most is for the pain to stop, and you will do anything to achieve that. If you have never endured intense pain, imagine that someone was whacking your arm repeatedly with a hammer--hard. That's what chronic intense pain is like. Sufferers of chronic intense pain just want relief. How anyone can fail to understand that very simple idea is beyond me. Sanctimoniousness never helped anyone.

Back to my story. The physical therapy helped greatly. My arm went from being in constant severe pain to constant mid-grade pain with flares of severe pain to constant low-grade pain with flares of mid-grade pain to feeling like a lump of clay with flares of low-grade to mid-grade pain. Unfortunately, Medicaid only pays for twelve sessions of physical therapy per injury, so that was where things leveled out, and I was very grateful. Over time, the arm regained enough sensation that it no longer feels like a lump of clay. It is always slightly numb and I do not have a full range of motion in the shoulder area, but it is a vast improvement over being in constant intense pain which makes me consider suicide.

One of the exercises presented in Happy Healing involves giving the body part in pain a name and "talking" to that part. I named my arm Amelia. As I talked to Amelia, I realized that I was still angry with her for betraying me and making it so that I couldn't work physically demanding jobs such as delivering packages anymore. I also realized that Amelia had been trying to warn me that something was going wrong, and I ignored her to my detriment. I apologized to Amelia for blaming her for what happened and promised to listen to her (and the rest of my body) in the future.

As a result of reading and engaging in the exercises outlined in Happy Healing, I have a truce with my body and am no longer as prone to pushing myself to the point of collapse or injury. I appreciate this book and think that it was useful and helpful. The author's approach may seem a bit "goofy" to the more skeptical sorts, but I recommend trying the exercises. I didn't really think I'd get much from them when I started reading the book, but they turned out to be surprisingly beneficial.

~Cie the Ornery Old Lady~

Cie Reviews Books

Free Use Image from Pixabay

Fearless Thinking, Stress-Free Living Exercises: An Experiment

Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.

I am currently reading the above book as a member of the Online Book Club review team and have decided to take part in some of the exercises and see if I find them helpful. I already like the book well enough that I feel confident in recommending that you preview it and see if you might benefit from it as well.

I have decided to participate in the first recommended exercise, which involves recording one's thoughts for a minute four times a day. I can't promise that I'll do this four times a day, but I can commit to doing it daily. I will sometimes share these thoughts.

This is not a writing exercise. It is not meant to be edited. It is a means of determining where the mind is currently focused. Here is my first entry.

Unedited thoughts, one minute

08/29/2019 16:12

The bandage on my finger is making me feel crazy.

Will this stupid wart dissolve?

My ankle hurts, my right foot hurts. 

It feels like there is something sticky on my fingers.

Will things be all right after we move?

Will we actually start eating better?

Why the hell can't I just finish packing? What's stopping me?

I'm worried about the move.

I'm not going to try to analyze this very much. Lots of worry and trepidation is the theme of the moment, and I can't say I'm surprised.

~Cie~

Real Cie Reviews: The Wayne Dyer Material

Dr. Wayne Dyer

10 May 1940 - 29 August 2015

My dear writing sister Blooming Psycho was up early this morning, and she sent me links to videos of lectures by the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, a psychologist and motivational speaker. Dr. Dyer's works encouraged positive focus and meditation to clear the mind of negative fixations.
Although Dr. Dyer's work addresses Buddhist concepts, it is not necessary to be a Buddhist to benefit from his teachings. His later work had a more spiritual focus than his earlier books. Even if one rejects the spiritual aspects of his books, one can still benefit from the ideas of positive focus.
I'm glad that Bloomy reminded me of Dr. Dyer's work. I invite you to listen to the videos she shared with me and decide for yourself if his approach resonates with you.

Best Wishes,

Cie

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