A haven for creative people living with mental illness. This is the place where you can tell it like it is, not yet another place where you have to pretend to be someone you've been told you should be.
Sunday, November 29, 2020
Dark Hearts Love Too: Hold Me Again
Tuesday, November 24, 2020
Food Bank Feast
note time
If all you wanted was the poem, you're done. See ya! Because now it’s time for the Power Haibun portion of the post. Buckle up, Bitches, ‘cause it’s gonna get wordy!
Every third Sunday, there is a food bank at the church in the little town where I live. There are two households in my house. My son and I make up one household and our unrelated housemate makes up the other. As Thanksgiving is coming up, each household got a turkey.
A giant turkey.
An eighteen-pound turkey.
I will be slow-roasting one of the turkeys all day and overnight starting at about noon tomorrow. Then early Thursday morning, my son and I will make the approximately 125-mile drive to my mother’s house. We will have a Thanksgiving lunch, and then my son and I will head home with a butt-ton of leftover turkey.
The food bank is a wonderful resource. I’ve heard people tell bad stories about food bank volunteers. One of my neighbors in the mobile home park where I used to live said that when she went to the food bank, one of the volunteers said to her: “why do you need to come here when you drive a car like that?”
She had a new car because her mother had given it to her.
The food bank where I live does not ask for proof of income. The food is surplus donated by grocery stores. It would be thrown out if it wasn’t given to people.
Today is Tuesday.
I went to the psychological evaluation part of my disability determination process.
I’ve been accused of being a space cadet, but it’s pretty certain that I don’t have dementia.
I do have depression and anxiety. I’ve had those pretty much my entire life. However, the reason I applied for disability is more because of my physical malfunctions than my psychological aberrations.
I have a lawyer, so I hope that will work in my favor. Because I’ve spent almost everything and am now worried about paying next month’s bills.
That’s 369 words
What follows is the CYA and promotional material that appears on every post.
Thanks for reading.
Have a happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate such.
If you don’t, have a good day either way.
This prosery was posted to these places:
http://poetryofthenetherworld.blogspot.com
https://lbry.tv/@poetryofthenetherworld:9
http://www.goodstufffromgrover.com
The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)
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Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.
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Saturday, November 21, 2020
Tell Me
Friday, November 20, 2020
A Confession in Three Brief Reverse Haibuns for my Father
Random words in front of other random words create a random sentence.
Tuesday, November 17, 2020
Colors of a Life in Shadow (Choka/Senryu)
Monday, November 16, 2020
A Response
Tuesday, November 10, 2020
Still Too Easy To Be Hard (Triple Tanka)
- Old (Middle-aged, anyway)
- Fat
- Ugly
Monday, November 9, 2020
Our Last Stand
When I was young, I believed that my dreams would come true eventually if I just believed hard enough. I believed that when I wished on a star that fairies or angels would work to make my wishes come true.
I believed that if I worked hard, I would be accepted into the Magical World of Shiny Happy People that lay beyond the Wall of Despair.
Then my body failed me.
My son and I moved away from the city to a town far from anywhere.
My Big Bright Dreams are dead and gone, but I believed that perhaps a few people would pay a few dollars to read my little stories.
My money is gone.
I had one last chance
to turn defeat to triumph
I failed our last stand
there is nothing behind the wall
except a space where the wind whistles
144 words
Prompts used:
D’Verse Poets: Write a piece of prose incorporating the given verse.
https://dversepoets.com/2020/11/09/of-houses-walls-and-whistling-winds/
The verse is:
“there is nothing behind the wall
except a space where the wind whistles”
from “Drawings By Children” by Lisel Mueller
What I wrote is a non-standard Haibun. For those who don’t know, a Haibun is a piece of prose followed by a Haiku. Mine is non-standard because I placed the two lines above at the end of the Haibun. I originally had them at the beginning of the piece, but I thought they worked better following the Senryu.
If this form goes utterly against the prompt, the hosts of the hop can feel free to remove my link. I won’t take it personally. I’m too damn tired.
What I wrote is not fiction. It is the Reader’s Digest Condensed Soup version of an entirely autobiographical situation. I would not recommend eating too much of this soup. It will give you heartburn and a bellyache.
The November PAD Chapbook Challenge prompt for today was to write an “our blank” poem. The title of the Haibun is “Our Last Stand,” and those words also appear in the Senryu portion following the prose.
https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2020-november-pad-chapbook-challenge-day-9
The word of the day is Triumph, which also appears in the Senryu. I have to say that I feel anything but triumphant in this moment. In fact, I feel like I’m going to hurl.
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/09/triumph/
This poem was posted to these places:
http://poetryofthenetherworld.blogspot.com
https://lbry.tv/@poetryofthenetherworld:9
LBRY is a decentralized content marketplace. I price the PDF versions of my work at approximately half of the Kindle price because I receive the entire amount rather than a royalty percentage.
You can get a free LBRY account through this link. You can earn LBC for viewing content on LBRY as well as from selling your content.
https://lbry.tv/$/invite/@naughtynetherworldpress:d
The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
This work is the intellectual property of Naughty Netherworld Press/Poetry of the Netherworld.
Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. LBRY’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on LBRY. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.
Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.
Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.
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Sunday, November 8, 2020
Come As You Are Party: An Open Letter to Anderson Cooper
Letters I’ve Written I: Anderson Cooper
8 November 2020
12:34 PM
Dear Mr. Cooper,
When you said these words:
“That is the president of the United States. That is the
most powerful person in the world. And we see him like an obese turtle on his
back flailing in the hot sun, realizing his time is over."
I saw fit to light you up because that is some rank-ass
bullshit.
tRump is an odious human being. His size is not what makes
him an odious human being. That fault lies in his behavior.
You have since issued an apology for those remarks, because,
as you said, “that is not the person that I really want to be.”
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/anderson-cooper-expresses-regret-comparing-085928301.html
I genuinely hope that it is not, Sir, because there are
plenty of those kinds of people, and they do untold harm to innocent
individuals whose only “crime” is not measuring up to modern society’s arbitrary
standards of attractiveness.
I am a large person with multiple health issues, including
mobility issues. I move slowly. If I were to fall on my back in the hot sun, I
might very well resemble “an obese turtle flailing around on her back in the
hot sun, wondering if her time is over.”
Is it really okay for you to ridicule people like me?
I rather wonder if people were only incensed by tRump’s
mocking of the disabled reporter because the man is slim. Were he heavy, how
many of you would have said, “yeah, but tRump does have a point—look how fat he
is!”
I feel that it is as if you and I come from different
planets, Mr. Cooper.
You are wealthy, able-bodied, and most people looking at you
would consider you handsome.
My earnings put me below poverty level. I have multiple
disabilities, and I am considered ugly. Doubly so because I am heavy.
Fat is not the worst thing that a person can be, and that is
what your initial statement implies.
Fat is not a hallmark of laziness, slovenliness, or any other
negative thing. It is a neutral state. Why should people be treated abominably
because they have a surplus of adipose tissue?
You will never know what it is to have people yelling at you
that you are “eating yourself into an early grave,” even though your food
intake is no more than that of your smaller counterparts.
You will never know what it is to have people tell you that
you “just need to exercise more” as if you could just turn your mobility, pain,
and weakness off.
You will never know what it is to realize that the only
reason any time a man is propositioning you is because he thinks you’re desperate
enough to have sex with anybody who asks, or because he’s doing so on a dare.
You will never know what it is to have people not want to
hire you because they assume that fat people are “always taking time off”
because of their poor health. I am unable to work at a regular job anymore, but
I rarely called in sick during the last twelve years of my working life. I did
call in sick a lot previously, but it was not because I was fat. It was because
I had untreated PTSD and nowhere to turn for help.
While everyone was patting you on the back for your “obese
turtle” comment, I was seething.
You see, I may be a mean old bitch who doesn’t give a rip what
a rich pretty boy news anchor or his fans think of me now, but I still struggle
with the eating disorder that onset when I was twelve years old because I was
terrified of getting fat. I did everything I could not to get fat. I exercised
obsessively. I missed a lot of moments with my son when he was little because I
was at the gym for up to five hours a day trying to get ridiculously thin.
That gym put up “motivational” pictures of celebrities
talking about how they were up to a “gargantuan 132 pounds” before they
obsessively dieted and exercised themselves down to “a slim 102,” or something
equally unsustainable.
I weighed a good deal more than 132 pounds. If that was
gargantuan, what the hell was I?
I tried to hate myself thin for 33 years, Mr. Cooper. It
didn’t work. You see, my endocrine system conspired against me, starting with
my thyroid, which fried itself when I was in my early teens.
I worked for many years in very physical jobs taking care of
people or serving food and drinks while not taking care of myself.
My working life mostly ended in March 2017. I was working as
a home health nurse caring for medically fragile pediatric patients. I was
very, very sick with a bad respiratory infection, but the coordinator from the
agency that I worked for insisted that I go to work because I had contracted
the infection from the patient that I was working with so it was reasoned that
I could not re-infect that patient.
My diabetes was getting worse. I had not yet started using
insulin. My coordinator was always telling me that they were going to get rid
of the other nurse on the case, who had lupus, and replace her with me, because
she was always calling in. I didn’t want them to do that.
During the night, I fell into a very deep sleep. I do not
remember doing so. I would occasionally doze lightly for brief periods of times
during a night shift, but I was easily roused. That was not the case on this
occasion. The last time I looked at the clock on my laptop, it was 4:00.
I woke from complete oblivion to see the patient’s father
sitting on the edge of the patient’s bed glaring at me. It was 4:20 A.M. I
gathered my things and left. I was fired, which I expected would happen. The
patient’s mother lied and told the agency that I had been ordered to leave.
That is not what happened. The patient’s father told me that I could finish the
shift. I said that I did not think that would be a good idea and I terminated
the shift of my own accord.
At this point, I think that I may have lupus because of my
weakness and fatigue and the redness across my cheeks and the bridge of my
nose. It is like pulling teeth to get tested.
I tried to work in a long-term care situation after my last
case ended with a second homecare agency where I had been working. I only
lasted one night. I felt like I was going to pass out and I was confused by
tasks that I had handled easily during my clinicals, such as med passes and
treatments. The nursing staff was running from the time they arrived and never
had time for breaks. Because of my diabetes, I needed to be able to take breaks
to check my blood sugar and eat. This was not possible.
Mr. Cooper, it is not people like Donald tRump who get hurt
when people like you make cracks like the “obese turtle” remark. It is people
like me.
Seeing everyone laughing because someone like you implied
that fat is the worst thing that a person can be, and fat people are deserving
of derision and scorn is very painful.
My life is already difficult enough.
I try to take daily walks through the little town where I
live using my upright walker so I can walk for longer distances than I would be
able to if I were compensating for my spine problems. It is one of the poorest
towns in the state of Colorado. I would not want to live anywhere else. I do
not want to return to the Denver area. I want this to be where I live for the rest
of my life. Which, by the way, may be longer than you expect, given my
horrible, horrible fatness.
My very fat great grandmother, who had obvious endocrine
problems, lived to be 79. It was not any “disease of obesity” that killed her.
It was acute myelogenous leukemia, a disease that kills people of all sizes. In
fact, she lasted a good deal longer than a thin person would have. She went
from 300 pounds to 95 pounds in the space of a year. Then she died.
But hey, at least she cut a svelte figure in her casket, am
I right? She was no longer an obese turtle in the sun deserving of the scorn
and ridicule of elite news anchors and their cronies.
Mr. Cooper, I hope that you mean it when you say that you
don’t want to be the guy who made the “obese turtle” remark. I was extremely
disappointed when that guy surfaced, because, prior to that moment, I did not
think that you were him.
I’m willing to forgive, but I never forget. I have my eye on
you.
Acknowledgments
This letter was published on the Sly Fawkes Feminist Media channel.
https://lbry.tv/@slysfreespeechspace:f
LBRY is a decentralized content marketplace. I price the PDF versions of my work at approximately half of the Kindle price because I receive the entire amount rather than a royalty percentage.
You can get a free LBRY account through this link. You can earn LBC for viewing content on LBRY as well as from selling your content.
https://lbry.tv/$/invite/@naughtynetherworldpress:d
The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese
If You Please (Or Don't Please)
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
This work is the intellectual property of Naughty Netherworld Press/Sly Fawkes Feminist Media
Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. LBRY’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on LBRY. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.
Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.
Quoting portions of the post for
educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.
Starting at just a buck a month, you
can support the rantings of a fat, angry, disabled old bat who tells it like it
is and gives no quarter to smarmy rich fucks. Check out my Patreon at http://patreon.com/naughtynetherworldpress