Monday, October 8, 2018

OctPoWriMo 2018: Day 8: Descending Again

Copyright Morgan Dragonwillow

Obsessive and compulsive 
Obsessive about everything 
Everything up and down 
Down I spiral 
Spiral into madness 
Madness is obsessed 
Obsessed with perfection 
Perfection is crazed 
Crazed troubled mind 
Mind over matter 
Matter of fact 
Fact is flawed 
Flawed is me 
Me is broken 
Broken is truth 
Truth is yes 
Yes and no
No peace here 
Here in mind 
Mind a mess 
Mess it up 
Up and down 
Down I go 
Go to hell 
Hell here inside 
Inside my brain 
Brain is insane 
Insane is repeating 
Repeating the same 
Same crap again 
Again I slip 
Slip to hell 
Hell is repetition 
Repetition is crazy 
Crazy is flawed 
Flawed am I 
I am broken 
Broken to pieces 
Pieces of dreams 
Dreams fall dead 
Dead down inside 
Inside the lies 
Lies I repeat 
Repeat and replay 
Replay the same 
Same damn thing 
Thing which possesses
Possesses my process


This poem addresses obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is part of my grand trifecta of mess. Many people misunderstand obsessive-compulsive disorder, believing that everyone who has it is a germophobe and a neat freak. Obsessive-compulsive disorder can actually express itself in a variety of ways. 
I am neither a germophobe nor a neat freak. My perfectionism is in part due to my obsessive-compulsive disorder, and it can cause a lot of anxiety. I am not one of those people who finds cleaning relaxing: quite the opposite, in fact. I have trouble getting rid of things, which is why I am now going through a storage unit which contains a lifetime of things I had trouble getting rid of.
I also have a bit of an obsession with numbers and more than a passing infatuation with categorizing everything. This need for categorization comes into play with my multitude of blogs. I have had more than one person get up in my grill about having multiple blogs. I have two thoughts on this: first since you don't have to have anything to do with any of my blogs, why do you give a flying crap? Second, just because you wouldn't do it that way doesn't mean it's wrong or bad. If I lumped all my work together in one blog, it would be a sanity-scarring fuckery. I am doing everyone a favor by categorizing my blogs, trust me.
I probably would have enjoyed working in a library or another profession involving categorization. Sadly, I don't know that there's much call for book re-shelvers in this modern age, and even if there is, such jobs generally tend to go to teenagers, in my experience.

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