Sam & Me

I’ve started and stopped writing this several times. I remember that someone else once mentioned that the reason Sam didn’t look for Dean in season 8 isn’t because he was having such a grand time with Amelia (blech.) In fact, some of us theorize that Amelia never really existed. She was a dream or a hallucination. Most of the scenes involving Amelia have unnaturally bright lighting. I believe (as some other people have postulated) that Sam was in shock and that is why he didn’t look for Dean. 

Also, Sam has had his head messed with multiple times by Lucifer. But at this moment, I’m specifically thinking of the episode in Season 11 where there is an implication that Lucifer is at the very least trying to mess with Sam’s head by sexually harassing him, and it’s quite possible that Lucifer has molested Sam in the past. 

Also, I can’t even begin to say how much I hate the accent with a pantsuit. Torturing someone is bad enough. Messing with their head and convincing them that they had sex with you is beyond nasty. There are few characters that I’ve wanted to see burn as much as this bitch.

As someone who is a sexual assault survivor myself, I can’t even begin to say how uncomfortable that idea makes me. 

You see, what happened to me may have happened close to 22 years ago, but it has never left me. It’s always in the back of my head. It makes me do things that seem irrational, like wanting to sleep up against the wall if on a bed, or wanting to sleep on a couch. It makes it hard for me to convince myself to do simple things (things which I actually like) such as take a shower, because being sexually assaulted fucks with your mind in ways that people who haven’t been traumatized in a similar way can’t understand.

I relate to Sam because while he may be only a fictional character, he gets it, and I’m sorry he does.