Wednesday, August 3, 2022

Insecure Writers Support Group 3 August 2022


Image by Shaun from Pixabay

When you set out to write a story, do you try to be more original or do you try to give readers what they want?

Before I start letting my mind Post Toastee, I'm coming at you with a warning. I have a tendency to cuss. A lot. If you're sensitive to salt and salty language, the back arrow is your friend.

When I set out to write a story, I don't try to do a damn thing except write the story. I don't try to be original, I am a goddamn original. They broke the mold when they made me. It was a really fucked-up mold, and I often wish it had been broken before they made me. Being an "original" is not always sunshine and roses. Most people despise those who are different. 

I'm not trying to be a shitty-ass thief and claim this picture belongs to me. I'm not sure who the photographer is. If I find out, I'm happy to give credit where credit is due. 

This past month has been a struggle for me. I went off the rails quite a bit. It was nothing anyone would notice. It was all in my own head. One of the few friends I had ghosted me. I don't get over being slagged off easily because I don't have many connections in the world. This is why I'm reluctant to get close to people.

One thing I've been doing because it's been hard for me to work on my own stuff is reading biographies. This is one of the few ways I can connect to people. Sometimes I find out I have something in common with someone I admire. I usually realize that they probably wouldn't like me because I'm a hard pill to swallow, but it helps me feel a little less alone.

Joey Ramone's brother wrote a book about their relationship. He gave the book the cheeky title I Slept with Joey Ramone. Three thumbs up to Mickey and his editor! 

You can check the book out here if you're so inclined. If you buy it through this link, I'll make a teeny tiny commission from Amazon.

So, anyway, I sure as hell don't set out to please the public or give the people what they want. I can't write according to a formula. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I've tried. ADHD always insures that I'm not gonna get away with that shit. Oh, look, a squirrel! And it has a subplot in its adorable little claws! Me likey!

As for trying to be an original, if you're trying, you're not an original. Some of us don't have any choice except to be who we are, even if who we are is totally fucked up. 

I'm in good company, but it doesn't make it any less painful. I wouldn't wish a lifetime of my experiences on anybody. I do wish the people who pushed me to hate myself would have to experience what it's like to be me for a week. 

People think Joey Ramone is cool now, but they didn't treat him cool back in the day. He had some serious psychological problems. As his brother noted:

Jeff Starship would walk out of Birchwood Towers from the third-floor exit, where you had to pass through a children’s playground to get to the street. The kids would climb off the seesaws and monkey bars to view Jeff in his jumpsuit and platform boots, the likes of which they’d never witnessed before (good thing Edna didn’t have the gold lamé). The kids peppered Jeff with the kind of remarks you’d expect little kids to make. Their mothers, who were as spoiled as the kids, did nothing to curb them and made no attempt to teach them that it wasn’t polite to point at and jeer at someone who was a little different. Jeff suppressed his anger at the little brats but later used it as inspiration for a song.

Leigh, Mickey. I Slept with Joey Ramone: A Family Memoir (p. 97). Touchstone. Kindle Edition. 

I like the picture I selected of Joey Ramone because it doesn't show him in performer mode. It shows the vulnerable young man who never fit in regardless of how popular his stage persona may have become. Jeff Hyman had a lot of challenges and not always a lot of support. I'd like to think we could have been friends if we'd met, but maybe we were both too fucked up. 

One thing I think he would have told me is "keep going, Friend, and write it how you want it. Fuck what anyone else wants. You have to write it for you."

I think it's so, and I'm trying to get back to that again. 

I've really kind of had enough of this year. I keep trying to see the good. Sometimes the only place I can find the good is reaching from the shadows of the past. Not my past, mind. My past is what brought me to this point. I'm trying to work through it.

To sum things up, when I write, I'm not trying to be anything or to please anyone but me. I'm just telling a story.

Image by Taken from Pixabay

There's a phrase that people love to apply to folks like me. That phrase is "damaged goods."

People may apply this phrase to someone who was sexually molested as if we are somehow now tainted and impure because of an act committed on us by a predator.

People also like to apply this phrase to those who have psychological problems, as if only one kind of person should be allowed a chance at a good life.

People like me struggle, but our struggles would be less damaging if we knew we could trust someone not to belittle us and tell us to "just stop feeling like that." 

I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid. 

If it was that easy, I'd already have done it.

Delivering the word Ornery style
Whether anyone wants it or not
Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

Some people have less star appeal than others, but sometimes they shine far brighter than those with more. --Mickey Leigh

1 comment:

  1. You're right, if you have to really try to be original, you're probably not.


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