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Spirit of the Universe, please guide me to the choices that will help me live my own best life while helping others. Please help me overcome the desire to pursue validation or adulation and to instead seek the path that promotes goodness, both for me and those who read my words. Help me to be compassionate rather than defensive. Amen.
"Food without a side of guilt tastes much better." --Laurel Ann Deininger
I remember the bad old days of New Years Resolution guilt.
Every year was going to be the year when I would lose eighty thousand trillion pounds, become drop-dead gorgeous, hit the big time, and be the envy of every woman and the desire of every man. Every year started out with heavy emphasis on food restriction and orthorexia. By the time my birthday rolled around in February I was so hangry I could have eaten my entire family and I'm sorry to say that I was an absolute delight to be around (not.) It was a horrible pattern, and I'm afraid that I repeated it every year for more than three decades.
I don't do that anymore.
I think that New Year's resolutions are kind of dumb, honestly. What difference does it make if you begin a project on January 1 or February 15 or March 17 or April Fools Day or Halloween? None, that's how much. Don't wait for an arbitrary day. If it's something you feel is beneficial, do it. Only don't do it by setting impossible goals for yourself. That only results in disappointment and increased self-loathing.
My resolutions for 2022 include continuing the battle against my abusive life partner ED. I still don't entirely have the restrict-binge-guilt cycle under control although it is under control much more of the time than it used to be.
Weight loss used to be my most important obsession--I mean goal. These days, weight loss is NEVER the aim of any changes to my eating or exercise habits. Having weight loss as a goal is a shitty recipe for inevitable failure. I don't like shitty recipes. I shoveled that shit sandwich down my own throat every day for more than 30 years, starting when I was twelve years old. It is a sandwich that I refuse to ever eat again.
Becoming "beautiful" is also off my list of must-dos. What the fuck is "beautiful" anyway? It's an arbitrary attribute. It's fucking meaningless. Feast your senses on the brilliance of the late Carrie Fisher.
Carrie was beautiful, particularly in the way that counts most. She had a beautiful spirit. Unfortunately, it was also a wounded spirit. She was undeniably harmed by the arbitrary (and stupid) standards that Western society places on women to be nubile sexpots with massive, perky breasts and not a trace of fat on their backside or thighs, regardless of age. I do not think that Carrie would have died at 60 had she not been a tortured soul.
People think that it is okay to make shitty comments about other people's looks. My quest to call out this fuckery wherever it occurs will continue in 2022. I'm not saying that anyone has to find me beautiful. I don't even give a single fuck if no one finds me beautiful. I'm saying that no one has the right to be a dick about it, regardless of how unbeautiful they find me or anyone else.
My goals in 2022 include continuing to kick guilt to the curb whenever it comes knocking and to defeat my abusive life partner ED whenever and wherever possible. I suggest that you adopt similar goals rather than succumbing to the usual disappointing New Year's resolution bullshit.
Ornery Owl is defying convention
Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors
Hangry is defying diet culture and defeating ED whenever possible.
Free use image from Pixabay
I begin my diary entries with a variation on the prayer I learned from the book Self Help Sucks by Tony Blankenship. You can pick up a copy of the book here. If you purchase a copy through this link, I earn a small commission from Amazon.
I appreciated Tony's personable and flexible approach to the Twelve Step program. You don't need to be perfect in your efforts to improve your life. You don't have to believe a certain way or pray a certain way or to a certain or any deity. I like to use the term "Spirit of the Universe" rather than God.
The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)
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