Following a couple days of beating myself up, sometimes literally, for a dumb mistake that I made recently, I decided that I would like to try a new old thing. I would like to utilize this blog more often in 2022 with the goal of learning to understand myself and perhaps helping others along the way. I'm feeling a bit at loose ends currently, but I'll try to be as concise as possible.
First the disclaimers. I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, licensed counselor, or social worker. I speak from my own many years of experience (57 on February 15) as a hot mess. My neurological and psychological conditions include ADHD, severe anxiety, depression (my baseline state is moderately depressed), eating disorder not otherwise specified (may binge, purge, or restrict food), and PTSD. I have a history of sexual trauma. I "enjoy" various and assorted phobias.
I feel it's always best to lay down the ground rules at the start of the game.
I will do my best to ensure if a post will include potentially triggering subject matter such as discussion of eating disorders, self-harm, or sexual assault. I cannot guarantee that I will always point out everything that could possibly be triggering. Due to the issues discussed on the blog, everything has the potential to be triggering.
I cuss. A lot. If you have a problem with profanity, this is not the fucking blog for you.
It is acceptable to discuss YOUR feelings regarding your relationship to food or your feelings about your own body. It is NOT acceptable to tell me or anyone else how they should feel about their relationship with food or about their own body. It is acceptable to discuss how diet culture has fucked with your life because I will certainly discuss how it has fucked with mine.
It is NOT acceptable to encourage dieting, i.e. "but you haven't yet tried the All Spam Diet! I lost 84 kilos/pounds/elephants worth of weight on the All Spam Diet! Click my affiliate link to learn how you too can lose a car's worth of weight on the All Spam Diet!" Fuck right off.
Similarly, it is NOT acceptable to suggest weight loss surgery. If you are going to suggest that I or anyone else would "benefit" from weight loss surgery, I suggest that you would either benefit from a lobotomy or have already had one. Again, fuck right off.
It is NOT acceptable to pull the old "but your health!!11!!!" card. It's never about health. It is NOT acceptable to say that bodies of whatever size are bad.
It is NOT acceptable to use the o-slur (obese) except in the context of "the asshole doctor in the ER didn't even look at my foot after it got run over by a train. He kept saying that if I wasn't obese my feet wouldn't hurt so much." Big, fat, hefty, heavy, large, stocky, stout or anything of that nature is acceptable.
It is NOT acceptable to urge someone to take psych meds. If medication works for you, great. Please continue taking it. Psych meds fuck me up and I won't take them. This includes medications for ADHD. Just like diets, I've tried many medications. For me, the cure is worse than the problem. I tend to be highly critical of psych meds, so you are now forewarned if that might be a problem for you.
It is NOT acceptable to proselytize. If Allah/Jesus/The Flying Spaghetti Monster has helped you find peace in your life, great. I tend to be critical of religion but not of spirituality. I'm an agnostic who has seen some shit that leads me to believe that it is possible that something of the personality survives the cessation of life function. If you believe that or don't believe it, great. I won't push my beliefs on you, and you don't push yours on me. There's no reason to be a dick about it.
I cannot possibly know or mention all of the Genders Du Jour that keep popping up. I try to avoid identity politics and my pronouns are fuck/off. There's really no reason that pronouns should come up in the first place. I call people by their name and I deal with them on an above-the-neck level. I am a biological female and my worldview is shaped by that fact. While I try to be compassionate towards people from all walks of life, my experiences will be discussed from the perspective of what I am, not from the perspective of what you are.
Sometimes my posts will be encouraging and a little more upbeat. Sometimes they will be down and discouraged. It's okay to express hope that I feel better. It is not acceptable to tell me that I'm being selfish, whiny, that I should "just snap out of it" or that other people "have it worse." I already feel like I'm being selfish and whiny, kicking myself because I can't "just snap out of it," and I know that there are people who "have it worse." Saying this sort of shit doesn't help.
My ADHD is not your ADHD. My anxiety is not your anxiety. My depression is not your depression. My eating disorder is not your eating disorder. My PTSD is not your PTSD. There are as many presentations of these conditions as there are people who have them. Just because mine doesn't present exactly like yours doesn't mean that I'm lying about having the condition. Everyone's experiences are unique.
At the end of 2022, I may publish selected posts from this blog in an e-book that will be available for a modest price as well as permanently free to borrow from Kindle Unlimited. My hope in doing this is to reach and possibly help a wider audience.
Whether I have a big audience or no audience, it is my goal to see this through.
Ornery Owl is sick of being put down and kicked around, including by her asshole inner critic.
Free-use image from Pixabay
Hangry is fighting back against her abusive life partner ED (Eating Disorder)
Free-use image from Pixabay
Arioch is here to shred men who think it is acceptable to objectify and abuse women and girls.
Arioch is a genital demon from Shin Megami Tensa.
This picture was posted as a fuck you to Tumblr Support after the Great Fuckening of 2017 when Apple bought Tumblr.
The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)
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