October 29, 2021
Spirit of the Universe, please set aside everything I think I know about myself, about my story, about my need for validation, and especially about you, Universe, so that I may have an open mind and a new experience with myself, with my story, with my need for validation, and with you, Universe. Please help me to see the truth. Amen.
I’m going to say something shocking.
You don’t need to “love yourself.”
If you’re like me, self-loathing is behind many of the difficulties in your life. I have trouble asserting myself and standing up for myself. It is very difficult for me to form bonds that go deeper than the superficial. I don’t trust other people and I tend to put myself last. The problem with the median nerve in my left arm stems from the fact that I kept pushing myself well beyond the warning signs that something was going wrong until one day I was in excruciating pain and could no longer work.
If you don’t stand up for yourself, people will walk all over you.
However, if you’re like me, you just can’t hang with the idea that you need to “love yourself.”
When people tell me that, it makes me cringe.
The only person who can say that without it making me cringe is Ru Paul.
Therefore, I advise you not to focus on “loving” yourself.
Accept yourself. Respect yourself.
You are as good as anyone else. Nobody deserves to be taken advantage of or treated like crap.
You don’t need to believe that you’re beautiful. I’ll never be able to think that I’m beautiful. Honestly, the idea feels kind of creepy to me. “Beautiful” has never done me any favors. It’s a lie that guys who want to get laid without caring about who they’re hurting tell.
I once saw a post on Tumblr that said something along the lines of “I don’t think my stretch marks are beautiful. They aren’t ‘tiger stripes.’ But they are human and deserve to be treated with respect.”
That is what I’m talking about.
I will never think that my too-small eyes with their skimpy eyelashes are beautiful, although I’ve always liked the color even though it’s a moss-green rather than a scintillating emerald green.
I will never think that my chipmunk-cheeked face is beautiful.
I can’t see my double chin as beautiful.
I don’t think that my gray hair is beautiful although I’ve always liked the thick texture (except that it’s a real pain in the ass to take care of) and I do like the way it looks right after I’ve applied the silver dye that I use to give it a bit of pop.
I don’t think that my big ass, chunky legs, jelly belly, or saggy boobs are beautiful.
And no, I don’t think that my stretch marks are “beautiful” or “tiger stripes.”
What I do think is that people don’t need to be “beautiful” or “fuckable” to deserve to be treated with common decency.
This old, fat broad deserves to be treated with the same levels of common decency as someone half her age and/or half her size.
You don’t need to think I’m beautiful and fuck off with “seeing the potential” in me. That shit is just creepy. Honestly, nobody wants to be made into someone’s project.
You don’t need to “love yourself” or think that you’re “beautiful” to be worthy of respect and dignity, and that includes from yourself.
I have a graphic that I use in blog posts with reasonable frequency. It says: “the pressure to be perfect is purely for profit.”
Who is benefiting from convincing people (women in particular) that they need to be a certain size or look a certain way, or they are worthless?
The beauty and diet industries have perpetuated this trash for years. They benefit from our self-loathing. They encourage it. It’s time to hit back and knock these multi-billion-dollar bullies on their asses.
Two of the items in my son’s and my recent food bank allotment were Smart Ones turkey dinners. These things were awful. There were four tiny morsels of turkey in a weird-tasting runny gravy with watery garlic-flavored mashed potatoes on the side. Aside from the fact that this isn’t enough food for an adult, it was entirely unpalatable.
I used to sink a lot of money into diet frozen dinners and shakes that left me ravenously hungry an hour later. This crap prompted binge eating because starvation does that.
The only diet you need is the Fuck It Diet.
I eat many more healthy foods and binge a lot less since I stopped dieting.
This doesn’t mean that my story has a Goldilocks ending where I magically become the “just right” weight and the handsome prince comes and swoops me off my now-svelte feet and we live happily ever after. I’m still fat and there is no prince, not that I even want one. But I am healthier and feel better at the size I am. Not that this is a measure of my moral worth. As Ragen Chastain says, nobody owes it to anybody else to be what they consider “healthy.”
Spirit of the Universe, please help me to accept myself at whatever size I am and wherever I am in life. Help me to discern what I really want to focus on in life and to follow my dreams.
~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~
The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)
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This is a particularly important issue with all of the hubbub going on now over Instagram and girls being presented unhealthy body images. I went to school with an anorexic (who later died from her disease) because she wasn't happy with her size. Girls need balanced views on their bodies.ReplyDelete
I am with you all the way.ReplyDelete
Not least in rejecting the strictures to 'love myself'. Some days I don't even like me, much less love me. Accepting myself on an ongoing basis is my goal.
Thank you so much for joining us today, and thank you too for your wise and courageous post. As a former anorexic who nearly killed herself in order to be "perfect", I strongly identify.
Respecting yourself also leads to respecting others.
Thank you for sharing such helpful wisdom.ReplyDelete