The Cheese Grates It: Sanctimonious Advice is Sanctimonious

Those posts that say things like “if you just fix your sleep schedule, your life will change!!11!!!!” make me feel pretty much like this.

My “sleep schedule” has been pretty much a convoluted fuckery since I was born. My mother delights in telling people what a “horrible baby” I was because I never slept normally. I’ve tried crap like Ambien. I just ended up out in the parking lot peeing on my car tire at 3 AM after I sleepwalked out there. I’ve tried Valium. It makes me brick stupid the next day. So, no thanks.

Oh, and yeah, I’ve tried telling myself “just go to sleep, sweet wittle  shnookums,” which usually ends up devolving into “GO TO SLEEP, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!” So, yeah, that works great too.

This kind of advice is similar to “just stop that stinkin’ thinkin’” in relation to unrelated OCD thoughts or depression. It’s condescending, enraging, and doesn’t work. So, like, fuck off with your pat answers.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~