The Cheese Grates It: Holiday Size Shaming: Thanksgiving 2018 Version

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Your holiday feast should not come with a side order of body shaming

The inevitable holiday size shaming.

Trigger warning for size shaming and a brief mention of weight.

Disappointed but not surprised.

It is stressful for my son to go over to visit my mother on holidays, but he agreed to it because my mother was worried that Denny's would be terribly crowded. (I had suggested that we just meet at Denny's so no-one has to cook.)

My mother bought a flannel shirt as a gift for my son. My son is a tall, burly fellow with a little bit of a belly, either an in-betweenie or possibly a small fat. My mother made a point of patting him on the belly and saying "you need to lose this gut."

I wasn't aware of this until my son brought it to my attention after we left. He said that the funny thing is, last time he was weighed at the doctor, he actually dropped seven pounds for reasons unknown because he hasn't been dieting. He said the technician was praising him and he told her it didn't really make a difference to him, to which she responded with a look of surprise.

My mother refuses to acknowledge that leaving his home environment can be difficult for my son, who is high functioning autistic and has issues with anxiety (including a degree of agoraphobia) and depression. He becomes overly stimulated with my mother's insistence on keeping the television on, to Dr. Phil or the news or such. The constant barrage of advertisements is even more distressing to him than it is to people who don't become overstimulated. He doesn't react to stimulus in any perceptible way, but he will become withdrawn for a time after the fact.

It makes me sad that my mother continually shoots herself in the foot when it comes to her relationship with my son. I guess she knows that I'll flip my bitch switch if she mentions my weight, so she has to inflict her opinion on somebody, and she thinks since my son is a guy, he should be "tough enough to take it" when someone is "being real" with him.

I don't know if it's even worth bringing it up with my mother, because she will be "terribly hurt" by my "attack" on her and ask me why I'm always so "angry" even when I am speaking in a perfectly even tone and not doing any name-calling or making accusations, none of which I can say about her past interactions with me.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

Haibun: Borderline Groupthink Callout Hell

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Inside my own head

 Or going out of my mind

 What the hell is real?

~The Unreal Cie~

Content warning for profanity and lots of it. 

So if profanity upsets you, don't read this shit.  

I generally have the borderline aspect of my incredibly fucked-up psyche under much better control than I used to. However, stress can trigger this aspect. Although the manifestation is less destructive overall because I have more capacity for reasoning things out than I did when I was younger, my anxiety levels still fly right off the scale, and I feel like my heart and head are going to fucking explode.

There you go.

I don't know if it's just me, but it seems that people these days are incapable of disagreeing without becoming violently disagreeable, at least verbally. I've never particularly enjoyed debating, I find it stressful. However, I was always taught to be civil. These days, people feel entitled to go on the attack anytime someone disagrees with them even a little.

Politically, I lean way to the left. However, I find the the far left equally as troubling as the far right. If you don't adhere to their exact thought patterns, you get accused of all kinds of things. 
Last night, I made the mistake of leaving what I thought was an innocent comment agreeing with an author who stated that he felt a jackass comment made by a right-wing pundit was inappropriate but it wasn't sexual harassment. I stated that I felt it was important to make the distinction between hyperbolic posturing such as this and actual sexual harassment, and I got piled on. If you want to see the article in question, it's here. I'm not going back there. 

The first person vehemently accused me of not believing that zir rape was rape, and it devolved from there. One person felt the need to explain to me that forced anal penetration was rape. Well, no shit, Sherlock. I am aware of this. Another demanded to know if I broadcast my off-the-cuff hyperbole on television. Obviously not, Shithead. I told him that I generally use a bullhorn.

I attempted to voice my disagreements in a reasonable fashion, but they were having none of it. Callout culture and groupthink have made it impossible to have a non-toxic debate. I fucked off, allowing the screaming meemies to think they won teh internetz!!!1!!

I try to avoid this kind of environment, because I find it extremely (I hate to use this badly overused word) triggering. I honestly didn't think there was potential for this sort of backlash as I thought I was dealing with adults. I expected disagreement, but I expected it to be rational in presentation. Man, was I wrong!

I was already under a lot of stress, and now I feel like my body is full of stinging insects. It's one of those days where I'd like to just take a low dose edible and take a load off, but I have too much to do.

For me, the edibles work a lot better than benzodiazepenes. There is no rebound effect (most benzos), no mind-numbing dullness (Valium), no extreme sedation. I wish I could just do that. But, nooo. So here we are.

I feel like the current call-out culture has given people permission to behave in an odious, entitled manner and to have no manners.

As it is, I sometimes have trouble even checking my comments for fear that I will be attacked.

I really don't belong on this planet.

Damn. That was the shittiest Haibun I ever wrote. Sorry.