Wednesday, April 11, 2018

A Crappy About Me Meme

Hair: What hair color looks best on you and what’s your natural color?

I’ve been enjoying the darker henna shades of late. My hair is naturally gray.

Skin: Do you tan easily?

If by tan you mean “burn to lobster red,” then, yes.

Eyes: What is your favorite show to watch?

God, I don’t know. I usually fall asleep and then have to restart them. I am happy for Netflix.

Nose: What is your favorite perfume/candle fragrance?

Anything not too overpowering.

Mouth: Do you want to kiss anyone right now?

Oh, you’re looking for your beeswax, I see. You won’t find it here.

Tongue: What was in your last meal?

Truffle mushroom Swiss burger and crispy Brussels sprouts.

Windpipe: Do you sing?


Neck: Do you wear necklaces?


Ears: How many piercings do you have (if any)?

Two left earlobe, one right.

Cheeks: Do you blush easily?


Wrists: Have you ever broken a bone?

Don’t go jinxing me.

Hands: Are you an artist/writer?

You can think I’m one if you want.

Fingers: Do you play an instrument?

Very badly.

Heart: Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know?
I already told you, your beeswax isn’t here.

Lungs: Do you smoke cigarettes?

I did for a cumulative total of about 20 years. I quit in 2006.

Chest: Are your maternal/parental instincts strong?


Stomach: Do you feel confident in your body image?

Thanks to our society’s very narrow perspective on beauty, hell no.

Back: Are you a virgin?

Yes, I am the Virgin Mary. My son is Jesus.

Hips: Do you like to dance?

Yes. I do it badly.

Thighs: Has anyone ever called you fat or ugly?

Now why the shit would you want to ask something like that under the category “thighs.” Talk about contributing to size shaming.

People who attack other people’s appearance are petty. Fuck ‘em.

Knees: Have you ever cheated on someone?

I’m not sure what that has to do with my knees, but, yes, many years ago. I have always felt terrible about it.

Ankles: Have you ever been arrested?


Feet: Favorite pair of shoes?

I tend to wear soft clogs. I have foot problems.

Brain: Anything you want to ask

Why did I do this?

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