Come As You Are Party: An Open Letter to Anderson Cooper

 

Letters I’ve Written I: Anderson Cooper

8 November 2020

12:34 PM

Dear Mr. Cooper,

When you said these words:

“That is the president of the United States. That is the most powerful person in the world. And we see him like an obese turtle on his back flailing in the hot sun, realizing his time is over."

I saw fit to light you up because that is some rank-ass bullshit.

tRump is an odious human being. His size is not what makes him an odious human being. That fault lies in his behavior.

You have since issued an apology for those remarks, because, as you said, “that is not the person that I really want to be.”

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/anderson-cooper-expresses-regret-comparing-085928301.html

I genuinely hope that it is not, Sir, because there are plenty of those kinds of people, and they do untold harm to innocent individuals whose only “crime” is not measuring up to modern society’s arbitrary standards of attractiveness.

I am a large person with multiple health issues, including mobility issues. I move slowly. If I were to fall on my back in the hot sun, I might very well resemble “an obese turtle flailing around on her back in the hot sun, wondering if her time is over.”

Is it really okay for you to ridicule people like me?

I rather wonder if people were only incensed by tRump’s mocking of the disabled reporter because the man is slim. Were he heavy, how many of you would have said, “yeah, but tRump does have a point—look how fat he is!”

I feel that it is as if you and I come from different planets, Mr. Cooper.

You are wealthy, able-bodied, and most people looking at you would consider you handsome.

My earnings put me below poverty level. I have multiple disabilities, and I am considered ugly. Doubly so because I am heavy.

Fat is not the worst thing that a person can be, and that is what your initial statement implies.

Fat is not a hallmark of laziness, slovenliness, or any other negative thing. It is a neutral state. Why should people be treated abominably because they have a surplus of adipose tissue?

You will never know what it is to have people yelling at you that you are “eating yourself into an early grave,” even though your food intake is no more than that of your smaller counterparts.

You will never know what it is to have people tell you that you “just need to exercise more” as if you could just turn your mobility, pain, and weakness off.

You will never know what it is to realize that the only reason any time a man is propositioning you is because he thinks you’re desperate enough to have sex with anybody who asks, or because he’s doing so on a dare.

You will never know what it is to have people not want to hire you because they assume that fat people are “always taking time off” because of their poor health. I am unable to work at a regular job anymore, but I rarely called in sick during the last twelve years of my working life. I did call in sick a lot previously, but it was not because I was fat. It was because I had untreated PTSD and nowhere to turn for help.

While everyone was patting you on the back for your “obese turtle” comment, I was seething.

You see, I may be a mean old bitch who doesn’t give a rip what a rich pretty boy news anchor or his fans think of me now, but I still struggle with the eating disorder that onset when I was twelve years old because I was terrified of getting fat. I did everything I could not to get fat. I exercised obsessively. I missed a lot of moments with my son when he was little because I was at the gym for up to five hours a day trying to get ridiculously thin.

That gym put up “motivational” pictures of celebrities talking about how they were up to a “gargantuan 132 pounds” before they obsessively dieted and exercised themselves down to “a slim 102,” or something equally unsustainable.

I weighed a good deal more than 132 pounds. If that was gargantuan, what the hell was I?

I tried to hate myself thin for 33 years, Mr. Cooper. It didn’t work. You see, my endocrine system conspired against me, starting with my thyroid, which fried itself when I was in my early teens.

I worked for many years in very physical jobs taking care of people or serving food and drinks while not taking care of myself.

My working life mostly ended in March 2017. I was working as a home health nurse caring for medically fragile pediatric patients. I was very, very sick with a bad respiratory infection, but the coordinator from the agency that I worked for insisted that I go to work because I had contracted the infection from the patient that I was working with so it was reasoned that I could not re-infect that patient.

My diabetes was getting worse. I had not yet started using insulin. My coordinator was always telling me that they were going to get rid of the other nurse on the case, who had lupus, and replace her with me, because she was always calling in. I didn’t want them to do that.

During the night, I fell into a very deep sleep. I do not remember doing so. I would occasionally doze lightly for brief periods of times during a night shift, but I was easily roused. That was not the case on this occasion. The last time I looked at the clock on my laptop, it was 4:00.

I woke from complete oblivion to see the patient’s father sitting on the edge of the patient’s bed glaring at me. It was 4:20 A.M. I gathered my things and left. I was fired, which I expected would happen. The patient’s mother lied and told the agency that I had been ordered to leave. That is not what happened. The patient’s father told me that I could finish the shift. I said that I did not think that would be a good idea and I terminated the shift of my own accord.

At this point, I think that I may have lupus because of my weakness and fatigue and the redness across my cheeks and the bridge of my nose. It is like pulling teeth to get tested.

I tried to work in a long-term care situation after my last case ended with a second homecare agency where I had been working. I only lasted one night. I felt like I was going to pass out and I was confused by tasks that I had handled easily during my clinicals, such as med passes and treatments. The nursing staff was running from the time they arrived and never had time for breaks. Because of my diabetes, I needed to be able to take breaks to check my blood sugar and eat. This was not possible.

Mr. Cooper, it is not people like Donald tRump who get hurt when people like you make cracks like the “obese turtle” remark. It is people like me.

Seeing everyone laughing because someone like you implied that fat is the worst thing that a person can be, and fat people are deserving of derision and scorn is very painful.

My life is already difficult enough.

I try to take daily walks through the little town where I live using my upright walker so I can walk for longer distances than I would be able to if I were compensating for my spine problems. It is one of the poorest towns in the state of Colorado. I would not want to live anywhere else. I do not want to return to the Denver area. I want this to be where I live for the rest of my life. Which, by the way, may be longer than you expect, given my horrible, horrible fatness.

My very fat great grandmother, who had obvious endocrine problems, lived to be 79. It was not any “disease of obesity” that killed her. It was acute myelogenous leukemia, a disease that kills people of all sizes. In fact, she lasted a good deal longer than a thin person would have. She went from 300 pounds to 95 pounds in the space of a year. Then she died.

But hey, at least she cut a svelte figure in her casket, am I right? She was no longer an obese turtle in the sun deserving of the scorn and ridicule of elite news anchors and their cronies.

Mr. Cooper, I hope that you mean it when you say that you don’t want to be the guy who made the “obese turtle” remark. I was extremely disappointed when that guy surfaced, because, prior to that moment, I did not think that you were him.

I’m willing to forgive, but I never forget. I have my eye on you.

Acknowledgments

This letter was published on the Sly Fawkes Feminist Media channel.

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Fat Friday: A Big Fat Fuck You to Anderson Cooper

I did not want to write about this shit today. 

I wanted to write about my characters finding a grim grimoire and all the ghoulish fun that comes with that sort of thing. Instead, I am writing about a shitty, juvenile jab that privileged millionaire asshole anchor Anderson Cooper made about trump resembling "an obese turtle flailing on its back."

If you can't see why this is a really fucking shitty thing to say, sit back, shut up, and let your old Aunt Cie explain this shit to you.

Anderson Cooper just used heavy people--a marginalized group--to insult an odious politician. His insult implies that trump's size is the worst thing about trump. Not trump's policies, not trump's narcissistic behavior, not trump's misogyny, racism, or belittling of disabled people. His fucking size. 

Well, that's a pretty god damn stupid thing to say, but there are plenty of goddamn fools patting Cooper on the back as if the fucker just discovered a goddamn cure for cancer.

I saw some gob-smackingly stupid shit from people trying to excuse Cooper's juvenile jab. Take this bit, for instance.

Colt here excuses using the word "obese" because it's a medical term and trump is, at least according to Colt, "obese."

As I said, "obese" is a medical slur. Its use others large patients and minimizes their concerns. When I worked as a nurse, if a patient was heavy, "obese" was one of the first things that got written on their chart. Doctors looked at this shitty diagnosis and felt that this patient did not need to be taken seriously. Clearly, they had made a "lifestyle choice" to "eat themselves into this condition." All they needed to do is lose weight and everything will be fine. Also, this patient can be treated in a subhuman fashion and psychologically abused with impunity.

You can ask Ellen Maud Bennett how that advice worked out for her.

Oh, wait, no you can't. Because she's dead. Since doctors didn't take her complaints about feeling poorly seriously the multiple times that she made them and instead told her that she would feel better if she lost weight, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer too late to save her life.

Ovarian cancer is very treatable if caught in the early stages.

These doctors are complicit in Ellen's death.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jul/30/canada-ellen-maud-bennett-obituary-fat-shaming

A large body type is rarely the simple result of "calories in, calories out." DNA is the biggest factor in determining a person's body type, but many medical conditions as well as medications play a role as well. Even if being heavy were always the result of a person massively overeating, using such people as the butt of jokes is still a shit thing to do. 

Do you suppose that someone who is a chronic binge eater is happy, and do you really suppose that belittling them will shame them into changing their ways? Do you truly think that your bullying will lead to your target becoming slim and happy and an acceptable member of society, adding to the roster of people that you want to fuck? After all, anyone whom you do not deem fuckable is clearly that way just to piss you off since the world totally revolves around you.

Just admit it. The idea that fat people should be treated with basic decency, including not using them as an illustration of The Worst Thing A Person Can Be, upsets you because you WANT someone that you can scapegoat and be vile to with impunity. Your spirit is so mean and your life such a drag that you must have someone you can shit on in order to prop yourself up.

Now, let's address this foolishness.

"He absolutely deserves to be called the worst things on the planet.

Being obese is not one of the worst things on the planet. If you think that it is, you're part of the problem."

Yeah, but Alexi, Anderson Cooper just implied that it was. That was his big hilarious gotcha. Der Trumpenfuhrer is an obese turtle flailing around on it's back! Hurr hurr hurr! Me so funny! Try again, Alexi.

In closing, Anderson Cooper can go fuck himself, and if you think what he said is the sickest sick burn ever and that he totally deserves a Pulitzer prize for that majorly awesome gotcha, you need to take a hard look at yourself.

Ornery Owl is displeased

Free use image from Pixabay

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Fat Friday #2: A Constant Barrage of Hate Leads to Suicide Ideation--Shocker!

Dear Debby Ryan:

Your garbage fat suit doesn't look anything like an actual fat person's body or face. Fuck right off with that shit.

Love,

An Actual Fat Person Who Is Sick to Death of This Kind of Bullshit

This is a response to a post on Medium Daily Digest by Your Fat Friend.

A lot of the time, Medium Daily Digest is a trash fire of self-congratulatory mental masturbation. However, there are a few pearls of wisdom among the rubbish. This post is one of those pearls.

The following is my response to said post:

Oh, Honey, if I could reach through the computer and hug you, I would.

I will tell you first off that I'm a fat adult. I'm also a mythological creature. I'm a fat adult who is food insecure. I only eat one or two meals a day. I am not so disabled that I can't work at all, but I can't work anything even close to full time. I don't get food benefits. But I can't possibly exist because fat people are constantly stuffing our faces, amirite? The thing that makes my situation even worse is the fact that not only does the entire world think I'm a glutton when I'm half-starved, there is this horrible personality in my brain whom we can call ED.

As you may have guessed, ED stands for Eating Disorder.

ED praises me when I starve myself.

The thing is, all of society's revulsion and all of ED's praise don't mean doodly squat. I'm still fat. Not "a little bit chunky" fat. Full on fat. 300 pounds fat.

With all of my endocrine problems, it's extremely unlikely that I'll ever be anything but fat.

I yo-yo dieted, engaged in orthorexia, and tried to hate myself thin for 33 years.

When I was young, I would lose weight with my dieting attempts. It always came back with friends. Once I was in my late 30's, the weight stopped coming off. 

I finally discovered size acceptance and Health at Every Size.

Maybe if I'd stop receiving constant messages that I'm disgusting and worthless, I wouldn't always be thinking that I wish I had the courage to end things. Believe me, I hate myself. I despise what I see in the mirror. I think I'm the worst kind of failure. I'm not even allowed to see myself in a neutral light, let alone a positive one.

Shows like "Insatiable" do nothing to help. 

By the way, is that trash still on? I gave it a thumbs down immediately. I was utterly disgusted. When I was still able to work as a home care nurse, I would sometimes watch the Disney channel with my patient. I thought that Insatiable's star, Debby Ryan, had created a really cute show with "Jessie," which she both produced and played the lead role. I was utterly disgusted with her for going along with this "Insatiable" garbage.

You're fine the way you are. I'm fine the way I am. It's our society that's messed up and wrong.

Here's a link to my comment if you want to give me hand claps for it or something.

Conclusion:

Fat people are not here to be the butt of your shitty jokes for your shitty TV show or anywhere else. 

Fat people are bullied to the point of mutilating our bodies and sometimes to the point of suicide, and society sanctions this behavior.

Fuck right off with that shit. If you're the kind of person who sanctions bullying and scapegoating, you need to check yourself, because you're an asshole.

Also, fuck your concern trolling about fat people's "health." If you care so much about my "health," give me some fucking money so I can purchase adequate food. That will go a long way to improving my health.

Oh, but I can only be "healthy" if I'm fuckable in your eyes?

That's what I thought.

Fuck right off with that shit.

~Cie~

The Cheese Grates It: "Insatiable" is About Body Positivity, My Fat Ass

First of all, @insatiable-tv​

This is a TV show which couldn’t exist without the greenlighting of scapegoating towards people who have a certain body type. They aren’t clever enough to create entertainment without making larger people the butt of jokes. When you have to be mean and cruel to bring attention to your “entertainment,” it’s a sign that you are a massive failure at entertaining.

I became bulimic at 12 and yo-yo dieted for approximately 33 years. Initially, dieting took the weight off. As I got older and my metabolism was wrecked by both frequent dieting and physical conditions, it didn’t matter how much I starved myself, I didn’t lose weight. I had to stop dieting in order to stop gaining weight. 

I didn’t have my jaw wired shut, but I did have dental surgery when I was 18 and couldn’t eat anything but pureed foods for about six weeks. I went down to 108 pounds. I had no energy, my skin was dry, my hair was brittle, but I was under the weight I should have been for my height. So, I thought I had succeeded. 

My body was not meant to be at that weight, so when I was able to eat normally again, I started gaining weight, and I hated myself. 

I tried every diet out there. None of them worked long-term.

I might not be as heavy as I am now if not for years of yo-yo dieting. So, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Diets still don’t work, but assholes like you can’t hurt me anymore. You’re boring.

Thing is, you can hurt a lot of vulnerable girls who are just like I used to be. Which is why I will fight you and your fucking bullshit every step of the way.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

The Cheese Grates It: More from the Dumpster Fire that is Insatiable

Trigger warning for diet talk, eating disorders. 

This is my take and my story, in response to this post.

This dumpster fire manages to be offensive to pretty much everybody who isn't a conventionally attractive, white, Hollywood-thin starlet. Of course, there is the repugnant fat suit on the thin, conventionally attractive a-hole wearing it. Then there is the fact that it's "funny" that a fat girl gets punched and has to have her jaw wired shut. High-larious! What humor! Much original! So comedy!

The "show" apparently treats homosexuality as something to be laughed at and ridicules people from the South. I'm hardly surprised that it also thinks that mental illness is a big ole barrel of laffs.

I'm sick of talking about it, but I'll talk about it until it goes the hell away. For all of me, I hope that the careers of every person involved with this mess in any major way swirl straight down the crapper. I, for one, will consciously avoid anything created by or starring any of these people again, including Lauren Guissis, Alyssa Milano, and the face of the whole mess, Debby Ryan.

In the interest of disclosure, I am a person who developed an eating disorder when I was twelve. I spent the next thirty-three years of my life yo-yo dieting and berating myself whenever my diets "failed." As happens with most people who diet, the weight I lost came back with friends. I had to stop dieting so I wouldn't end up heavier.  It certainly didn't help that I have a zombie endocrine system: dead thyroid, cystic ovaries, screwy pituitary. I wasn't at all surprised when diabetes joined the crowd. After all, the rest of my damn endocrine system is dead or mutated, why not my pancreas too?

It doesn't help that whenever I go to the damn doctor, these so-called "smart" people somehow can't catch on to the fact that with an endocrine system like mine, I'm highly unlikely to be thin. But do they focus on my underlying health problems, the reason I'm coming to see them? Oh hell no! They focus on the number on the damn scale. They suggest stomach amputation (weight loss surgery). They do not listen when I tell them that I do not want to discuss my weight, no, I am not "indulging in treats," I am FOOD INSECURE, you damn nincompoops. I wouldn't see you at all if it wasn't for the fact that I need medication to, oh, I don't know, survive. Every time I see one of these jerks, I end up in an E.D. spiral for a week or more, starving myself, even though by now I know full well that doesn't work and, with diabetes, I certainly shouldn't be doing it.

Also, my body does not come off like a costume with some thin, conventionally attractive princess stepping out. Newp, it's all me. I've learned to live with it, learned to accept it, only to have jerks with "M.D." after their name tell me I shouldn't accept it.

Then a crap show like this comes along.

Oh, by the way, I also have type 2 bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and OCD. I can't tolerate most psych medications, they make me manic and psychotic. I take a low dose of lithium. Everything else is supplements like 5-HTP. I've learned to cope with the condition, mostly without help from anyone because, like most doctors, most counselors are crap. Thing is, I don't have to see them to resolve a physical condition that will kill me within a month if I don't inject insulin, so I don't see them. 

The medical profession pretty much sucks, if you ask me. People like me have to fight to get what we need, and we can't even get a little respect, basic human treatment.

So, when "Insatiable" comes along and ridicules the problems I've had to learn to live with? Somehow, I don't think it's one bit funny, and I am going to do whatever I can to take it down.

I hope there is no season 2. I hope this ship sinks like a stone and takes all the fools involved down with it.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

The Cheese Grates It: Fuck Your Fat Suit Wearing Bullshit

This is a clueless, conventionally attractive, thin privileged asshole in a fat suit.

This is an actual fat person. Also appearing: Crowley.

I don’t like sharing pictures of myself because people are assholes and are going to say stupid and obvious shit like “ur fat!!11!!!”, but I wanted to make a necessary point. Hopefully, one day we won’t have to make such points. It’s a huge fucking waste of time, and I’d rather be doing something else. That being said:

I don’t think I’m beautiful in any way, shape, or form, so don’t try the old “ur just trying to force all the menz to think ur beuateeful, u old fat bitch!!!111!!” crap on me. I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m beautiful. I don’t think I’m beautiful. But I do think I’m human, and I think that all people, regardless of whether or not they are “beautiful”, deserve to be treated with common decency. If you’re the sort of person who only treats people you deem “fuckable” kindly in the hopes that they will fuck you, you are a horrible person and need to fuck off now.

I have been both thin and fat during my life. When I was in my teens, I starved myself down to 108 pounds. I am five foot six now. I was probably a little over five foot four at that point. I have a big frame. There is no way I should ever weigh as little as 108 pounds. If I do, there’s something badly wrong with me.

Not that I need to justify my body to anybody, but I have a dead thyroid gland sitting in my neck being dead. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. I have type 2 diabetes, which onset when I was in my late 40′s and didn’t surprise me at all considering that my endocrine system is a complete dumpster fire. My pituitary doesn’t work quite right and I have some features of Cushing’s syndrome, although I don’t have the typical Cushing’s body: large upper body and thin legs. My weight is evenly distributed.

All that being said, I have a typical puffy endocrine face. I have a double chin.

I don’t look like someone slapped a clay tube under my chin the way Miss Clueless Fat-Suit Wearing Conventionally Attractive Thin Privileged Barbie Doll does.

I just look like a rather plain, garden variety, run of the mill, middle-aged fat lady that no-one would look at twice. I’m fine with that. I’m sick to fucking death of other people thinking it’s their business to tell me what to do with my body so I can look like Miss Clueless Fat-Suit Wearing Conventionally Attractive Thin Privileged Barbie Doll looks without her fat suit. No, I am not going to have my stomach amputated, not ever, unless I am unfortunate enough to get stomach cancer, and fuck you for suggesting that I should. I am not going to get injections of deadly pathogens injected into my face to smooth out my wrinkles. I am not going to have my hands bleached to get rid of my age spots. Fuck all of that ageist, fatphobic shit right to hell.

No, I do not eat all the time, so I don’t need to “lay off the Kentucky Fried Chicken and the McDonald’s.” I don’t like either of those. Further, I am actually food insecure and generally only eat one or two meals a day despite having diabetes, because I can’t afford adequate food since becoming disabled and only being able to work part time so I don’t lose Medicaid, which I need for my numerous health issues. Plus, I can’t work the kinds of physically demanding jobs I worked during the majority of my life anymore because of significant reversals in my health over the past few years. Punishing the disabled shows that a society is a huge fucking fail, if you ask me. 

And another thing:

As well as not looking like a thin-privileged asshole wearing a fat suit, being fat does not feel like wearing a fat suit.

It does not feel any different living in a fat body than a thin one. I don’t wake up every day and slap padding all over my body. The adipose tissue is simply part of my body.

If you want to depict a fat person, you need to get an actual fat person to play the part, not a thin-privileged Barbie doll in a fat suit.

Also, shit like “Insatiable” needs to not exist. It is inaccurate, it is offensive, it is mean-spirited, it is disgusting. This real, actual fat bitch says “enough.”

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

The Cheese Grates It: My Resolution to Minimize Body-Shaming Psychic Attacks

Per my resolution to minimize the amount of toxic, ignorant, psychic attacks negatively impacting my life, I kicked the radio station which had been my primary choice to the curb following an onslaught of weight loss surgery ads and the afternoon DJ making the inane remark that "exercising makes you feel thinner. This is especially true for women." 

I now have the radio in the Forester permanently tuned to the publicly funded jazz station. I have satellite radio in the Fusion, which tends to be on one of the 70's or 80's stations or the Underground Garage. They don't blather on and on about bullshit calculated to offend and shame people with non-optimal appearances: bigger people, older people, women who aren't conventionally attractive.

 It's a huge relief to be able to do my job and have some music to keep me from dying of boredom without some stupid advertisement or idiot remark from one of the DJ's raising my blood pressure multiple times during my shift. I've thought about writing a letter to the radio station, but I doubt it would do any good.  

I hope one day we will have a world where a radio station playing such toxic advertising would be flooded by emails rebuking them. 

People deserve to live their lives without being constantly reminded that they are seen as undesirable thanks to the constant brainwashing by mega-corporations hell-bent on taking their money.

Advertising is usually a form of attack rather than an informative medium.

It's time to stop kowtowing to the Frankenstein monster which was in no small part created by behaviorist John B. Watson. Watson was a bit of a shit in any case. He was unscrupulous in his experimentation on vulnerable subjects. 

We need to learn to think for ourselves rather than allowing advertisers to mold our beliefs.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~