Monday, December 28, 2020

About Me Monday: Teenage Crush

 


Someone on Twitter asked this, and the following was my reply.

Early on in my 12th year, it was Shaun Cassidy, and I was still a good Catholic girl going to Heaven. By the end of my 12th year, it was Bon Scott, and I was smoking cigarettes and weed and would say I was bound for hell, but I was already there. Hell was junior high.

That will learn them to ask those kinds of questions!

Junior high was a fucking hellscape. So was high school. The only things that got me through were alcohol, drugs, and music that I was told was my punch card to eternal damnation. 

Friday, December 25, 2020

Fat Friday: Everyone's Scapegoat

 


 I live my life wondering when someone I like is going to say something hateful and horrible about fat people and I will never be able to see that person the same way again. It's happened numerous times with people whom I still allow myself to like but I know they wouldn't offer me the same kindness. Why? Because I can't stand to live a life where I hate everyone for their ignorance. I'd have no-one left that I could like.

Recently, a fellow blogger and writer that I admire went off on a fatphobic tangent. This person uses a different name on Twitter than they do on their blog, so I didn't recognize that they were one and the same until I went to share their work on Twitter recently and said to myself, wait a minute, you're that asshole that I unfollowed last month because of your shit assertions that fat people shouldn't be allowed to accept themselves as they are and should keep trying to hate themselves thin, consequences be damned.

This person would probably tell me that if I'd just lose weight then people making digs at fat people wouldn't upset me so much. This is akin to saying "if you just didn't seem so gay, people wouldn't pick on you." Also, fuck that shit. Even if I lost weight, making digs at fat people is still not okay.

This person is an excellent writer--much better than me if I'm to be honest. But no matter how good you are at your craft, if your heart is full of venom for people whose bodies you don't find attractive, then it's a hearty fuck you from me to you. Regardless of how good your work is, I will no longer support or promote you.

And that is all I have to say about that.


Fat, ornery, and perpetually disappointed
Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors on Pixabay

Hangry says Happy holidays. Even if you're fat. Hell, especially if you're fat.


Free use image from Pixabay

Free Use Image from Pixabay

Sunday, December 13, 2020

Dreamers, lovers, and Star Voyagers: WeWriWa: EU56

Dreamers, lovers, and Star Voyagers: WeWriWa: EU56: Hello fellow warriors. :-) Less than two weeks till Christmas. I hope youre all feeling some Christmas joy. It's a different year for s...

I know a lot of people who don't understand money. For a lot of years, I was one of them. I always figured there would be more where what I just spent came from. Then I ended up disabled. Good times!

Thursday, December 10, 2020

Mes crazy expériences: WeWriWar 333: The House at the Crossing 39

Mes crazy expériences: WeWriWar 333: The House at the Crossing 39:   Hello everybody and welcome for a new Sunday of writing with Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday ! It's been a while since...

A fabulous bit of speculative fiction. 
Due to trauma in my younger years, I often felt that my personality was fractured, although not to the point of forming different personalities that took over.

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Wanting Something, Expecting Nothing

  

Free use image by 5598375 on Pixabay

when I was younger
and craving celebration
inside I was lost

I keep to myself
embracing my emptiness
nothing fills the hole

~cie~

Write a "historical" poem.
I reflected on my past history of partying hardy to try and fill the hole in my soul. 


https://poetsandstorytellersunited.blogspot.com/2020/12/weekly-scribblings-49-b-c-d-e-f-g.html
Use a given letter multiple times in your piece.
I'm not sure which letter was used the most, but E is a likely candidate.

This double-barrel Senryu was posted to these places:




The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


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Saturday, December 5, 2020

Barriers

 


Barriers

5 December 2020

Written in response to the Tale Weaver prompt “Barriers.”

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2020/12/03/tale-weaver-304-barriers-december-3rd/

What barriers exist in your life?

Are they barriers that can be overcome?

I will probably use this prompt to create both a fiction and a non-fiction piece. It is inspiring thoughts for the latest chapter in my WIP, The Key Of Eidolon. However, I also have answers to the above questions.

I have both physical and psychological barriers to accomplishing my goals. They don’t stop me from trying, but they make things harder.

There are physical goals that I will never be able to accomplish because of my handicaps.

At this point, I can walk up to two miles a day using an upright walker. Without the upright walker, I can only manage between a quarter of a mile and a half mile, and a half mile is pushing it. I never thought I would be having to use a walker at 55 years old, and the promotional material for this item indicates that no-one else thinks that people my age are using such a device at my age either.

We need to stop with the assumption that only elderly people need assistive devices or that there is some sort of shame in needing an assistive device if you are not elderly. I have a lot of problems with my back. I am not ashamed to use this device, but I am very conscious of the fact that people are conscious of my use of it and some of them pity me for it.

I have diabetes. This is a disease that can be managed, but, conversely to the bill of goods that some overpriced snake oil sellers are trying to hand you, there is no cure for it. Type 2 diabetes does occasionally go into remission, but this happens so seldom that I do not expect it any more than I expect to grow several inches taller.

Diabetes does not really frighten me. I am aware that it makes me vulnerable to kidney failure, which also doesn’t particularly frighten me, although I would not want it. The one that scares me is the vulnerability to strokes and vascular dementia. Fuck a whole lot of that shit. Fortunately, I also take antihypertensive medication, so my blood pressure remains in the safe zone.

My thyroid destroyed itself when I was in my early teens, so I have been on and off thyroid medications since then. I can’t tolerate Synthroid. It gave me headaches and it almost put me in the E.R. because it was elevating my blood pressure and heart rate so much. Rather than consider that the Synthroid was the culprit, the doctor I was seeing at the time blamed my weight for causing my blood pressure to rise and put me on propranolol, which is a beta blocker. I have asthma. Beta blockers make me feel like I’m breathing underwater.

Because of the panic attacks I was experiencing when I became tachycardic (talk about your vicious feedback loops), he also put me on clonazepam. I tend to have paradoxical reactions to benzodiazepines, and I had the worst panic attack of my life. I went off ever single one of the medications. It took me three months to return to normally abnormal.

I have been on Armour thyroid for the past 14 years. My current P.A. has adjusted the dosage a couple of times to strike a balance between my TSH reading and my blood pressure and pulse. We seem to have found the sweet spot. I like my current P.A., who has been respectful and treats the patient rather than the chart.

Alas, although my TSH is now in the zone, I am still tired all the time. It is what it is.

I have been trying to get on disability this year. I have been working with a lawyer, and it is still taking forever. I lived in a state of constant anxiety for literal decades due to not being able to sleep properly because I was afraid that I would oversleep. I worked night shift because it worked out better for me than day shift. However, I can no longer do the punishing physical work that I used to do.

My son and I moved to a remote rural area in September of 2019, and we both love this house and this town very much. My son is high-functioning autistic. He has a lot of skills and he is physically able-bodied, but he has never been able to work a normal job.

Both of us would be happy enough to do certain types of remote work. However, even though it has been shown through the pandemic that certain jobs can be done remotely, nobody wants to hire the smelly poors or icky disabled people.

My physical appearance has also been a barrier to achieving certain of my goals, including, oddly enough, my writing goals. You’d think that it wouldn’t matter if a writer has a good face for radio, so to speak, but I’ve seen that, at least with female writers, people tend to want us to be pretty. Seriously, what the hell? Would looking like a beauty queen or a Playboy centerfold make me a better writer? I get so fed up with the bullshit and am disgusted that I’m still fighting the same battles at 55 that I was at 25.

So, what’s to be done? Well, I am nothing if not pig-headed, so I will keep hammering away at things until I make some headway.

I’ve been working to craft my Rough Writer monthly zine, which includes my WIP chapters, poems, and daily-ish nonfiction blather as well as anything else I may write in a month. Sometimes I think that this is a great idea and I’ll be sharing some wonderful wisdom. Other times I’m afraid it’s just another one of my crackpot ideas and that I’m not nearly as deep as I imagine myself to be. I suppose it remains to be seen, but at six bucks for some 50,000 words, you can’t beat the price!

And there you have my thoughts on the barriers in my life.

 ~cie~

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

This work is the intellectual property of Naughty Netherworld Press/Poetry of the Netherworld.

Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. LBRY’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on LBRY. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.

Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.

Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.

Share my mood on LBRY. You know you want to.

Naughty Netherworld Press on LBRY

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LBRY is a decentralized content marketplace. I price the PDF versions of my work at approximately half of the Kindle price because I receive the entire amount rather than a royalty percentage.

Most of my work is free. A tip as small as 5 LBC (approximately $0.15) really helps, and it all goes to me.

You can get a free LBRY account through this link. You can earn LBC for viewing content on LBRY as well as from selling your content.

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Dark Hearts Love Too: Thanks but No Thanks


A hard-hitting new rhyme that does not shy away from telling it like it is.