Sunday, January 30, 2022

Come As You Are Party: Where the Hell are the Happy Lessons?

 


Spirit of the Universe, I'm tired. I'm tired of putting aside the work I enjoy doing in order to chase clout, money, and validation. I'm tired of fighting. I'm trying to do what's right, but often I wonder what any of it is worth. Can you give me just a little love here, Spirit? Anything at all? I'm not much for being touched but I could really use a virtual hug from some nice, non-creepy people.

Here is tonight's Big Question.

What are your current struggles and roadblocks when it comes to writing?

In January, it was getting any writing done at all. I struggled to complete a 5000-word story. That isn't like me. I average at least a thousand words a day. I should have been able to write and edit this story in two weeks.

Because I'm slow on the uptake, it's taken me a month to realize that I've been sacrificing my serials to write pieces for potential inclusion in publications. Writing one-offs may be enjoyable in their own right, but I don't get the chance to become personally involved with the characters. 

My desire to form relationships with my characters could be because I rarely form meaningful relationships with other people. Some people reading may find this sad, pathetic, tragic, whatever. Other people's opinions on the matter are neither here nor there to me. Other people have a track record of not understanding me very well. I don't trust them damn crooked vultures.

I realized that one of my problems last month was neglecting to make a monthly list of goals. With my ADHD, this is a necessary step. I've also decided that I'd like to find an ADHD workbook for adults. 

I have something to bitch about.


Today on Twatter, a user did what my dear old dad called fishing for attention. The Urban Dictionary defines fishing for attention thusly:

When an attention whore deliberately goes looking for attention by complaining about how shitty their life is in order for a dumb motherfucker to compliment.

Since the attention whore in question was a conventionally attractive MILF, dumb motherfuckers lined up to give her the attention she was craving. Normally I ignore this shit and move on my way, but this particular attention whore did two things that really ground my gears.

Her initial tweet went a little bit something like this.

"OMG, u guys! I'm going to be 40 soon! Please let me know I'm not the oldest person on Twatter!"


The fact that this twit thinks Twitter is a platform for the Young and Happening set is laughable. Either she's been trying to infiltrate the irritating youth set of some fandom or other and they've been telling her she can't sit at the Kewl Kidz Table, or she's even more out of touch than I am at my advanced and ancient age. Girlfriend, the Young and Happening set aren't on Twatter, they're on Tik Tok or whatever has come along to upstage it. Last I knew, Tik Tok was the Happening Thing.

Anyway, I was prepared to ignore this stupidity. But then she went and squee'd her thanks to all the dumb motherfuckers fawningly telling her she isn't that old with this bit of sage wisdom.

"Woohoo, thanks you guys! Let's throw our canes and walkers in the air in celebration of Mature Twitter!"

Because that is certainly one hell of a mature statement, let me tell you. 

Actually, it's an illustration that age doesn't mean maturity. I've encountered sixteen-year-olds wise enough not to say anything that fucking dumb.

I pointed out that not all older people use mobility aids and not everyone who uses a mobility aid is elderly. I stated that I do use a walker sometimes, not because of my advanced age of nearly 57 but because of my jacked-up back. I said that between my impossibly ancient age and my physical disability, I must be the most incredibly decrepit person on the planet. I also said that it's discouraging that ageism is still so normalized.

I can't imagine being so shallow that I cared for a minute whether a bunch of Tik Tok Teens thought I was old and uncool. I don't even fucking like Twatter, as evidenced by my referring to it as Twatter. I use it to share links. I still have an account because it's more useful than Bookface. 

Actually, I wish there was a Bookface. A platform for writers to share their books and stories. Someone else will have to build it. I have no abilities in that area. 

That's all the partying we have time for tonight. Us decrepit old fucks need our beauty sleep.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~



Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

Tonight's Party Music


Here's the link in case you can't see the video.

Resource Books:
52 Weeks of Writing

Self-Help Sucks

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)



Creative Commons License


This work is the intellectual property of Crazy Creatives Cheerleading Camp and Naughty Netherworld Press.

Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. Odysee’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on Odysee. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.

Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.

Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.

Come check out Readers Roost, the online book store featuring works by indie and small press authors. Discover your next great read at the Roost! It's the link you need when you wanna read.

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Wednesday, January 26, 2022

WTF Wednesday: Where Did the Joy Go?

 

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

I had planned on getting a lot further in 52 Weeks of Writing by now, but the Crazy Train got derailed this month. I've struggled to complete a 5000-word story for potential inclusion in an anthology, and that isn't like me. Fuck it, let's get down to business.

Today's Question:
When you first started writing, how did it make you feel?

When I first started writing, I felt excited, free, happy. I was exhilarated. Writing allowed me to bring the scenarios I created in my mind to life. I felt unstoppable. With writing, the impossible became possible.

Do you still feel like that when you write? If not, what has changed?
When I try to write now, I feel lost. There are so many rules to adhere to. I have to think of what a potential audience will like rather than simply writing what I imagine.

My imagination is no longer free. Its wings have been clipped. It has been shackled and caged. The stories I want to write are not the ones that have priority. Most of the time they don't get written at all. 

I haven't believed in myself since I was a young child, and even then that belief was pretty shaky. In truth, I didn't really believe in myself, I believed in certain of my abilities. But I have been told time and time again that my abilities are sub-par. There are many who are far better than me at everything and it wouldn't matter a bit if I were suddenly erased. Nobody would miss me. Certainly nobody would miss my writing. I am a joke.

For far too long I have been craving the approval of others. The unhappy child wants to be told that she's been a good girl who has done a good job. 

Those of us who have been sexually abused are often chided that we should have told someone. The people saying this don't understand the power of shame. You don't want anyone to know such things were done to you. Some victims have been threatened. Sometimes the abuse is shrugged off when we try to tell or we are told that we are lying. We feel deeply ashamed of ourselves and want to be told that we aren't bad. But hearing this once isn't enough. There is a never-ending insatiable hunger for approval. 

At the core, I think this is why I was drawn to horror fiction and to vampire characters in particular even when I was a child. The vampire represents uncensored need, and with its superior strength, it can exact revenge on those who harmed it in the past. Vampires are seductive and dangerous. Those who fuck with a vampire come to regret it. 

By the way, I think writing programs can fuck off with their constant nit-picking about passive voice. Passive voice isn't always a bad thing. Kindly fucking go fuck yourself actively.

These posts are only lightly edited. I keep kicking around the idea of one day turning my ruminations into a book but I always end up asking myself who the fuck would read or benefit from such a book? I think I'll address the "who the hell do you think you are" question some other time.

I decided to watch Magical Mystery Tour on Odysee. This film reveals that no matter how normal he looks on the outside, Paul McCartney has a very odd imagination. (The film was primarily Paul's idea.) Honestly, I think that's a good thing. 

I've always thought that it would be nice if I could look normal on the outside. I wouldn't want to be stunningly beautiful because nobody would take my ideas seriously if I was. However, I've always wished that I didn't have to be stunningly ugly, which I am. It shouldn't matter, but it does.

Here is Magical Mystery Tour in case you'd like to watch.


Here is the link in case you can't see the player.

Spirit of the Universe, I thought I was doing better about not seeking approval but the need is insidious. My approval-seeking behavior is multi-headed like a Hydra. I cannot conquer it on my own. I am broken and I am tired of trying to cobble myself back together. Please help me learn to put myself first. Please help me revive the childlike adoration I once had for my stories. Amen.

~Ornery Owl is Seeking~

Image by vishnu vijayan from Pixabay

Resource Books:
52 Weeks of Writing

Self-Help Sucks

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)



Creative Commons License


This work is the intellectual property of Crazy Creatives Cheerleading Camp and Naughty Netherworld Press.

Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. Odysee’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on Odysee. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.

Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.

Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.

Come check out Readers Roost, the online book store featuring works by indie and small press authors. Discover your next great read at the Roost! It's the link you need when you wanna read.

Buy me a coffee

Or buy me a coffee here

Join me on Odysee

Join me on Patreon!
Subscribe for as little as $1 per month.

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Friday, January 21, 2022

Readers Roost: The Benevolence of New Ideas Review and Giveaway

Readers Roost: The Benevolence of New Ideas Review and Giveaway:   The Benevolence of New Ideas One Woman's Journey From Sicily to America Book 3 by Carmela Cattuti Genre: Historical Women's Fic...

Ornery Owl and Hangry really hate it when supermassive levels of fat-shaming ruin a story that they had really been enjoying up to that point. This Fat Friday, check out the Ornery Review of a historical fiction trio that devolved into a derisive body-shaming fest. 



Ornery Owl
Free-Use Image from Open Clipart Vectors


Hangry
Free-use image from Pixabay





Monday, January 17, 2022

About Me Monday: Why Do I Write?

 


Spirit of the Universe, please help me overcome my doubts and my need for validation. Help me to find happiness in writing and in life now and help me to stop obsessing over what I "should" have done. I cannot be anyone else, I can only be me, flawed as I may be. I cannot do what everyone else thinks I should, I can only try my best. Please help me to write what is in my soul and not to worry about what anyone else thinks about it. Please help me to be the best person I can be and to encourage rather than tear down others who may be struggling with doubt themselves. Please help me to do my best. Amen.

I will be answering questions from 52 Weeks of Writing throughout the year. I am already two weeks late and several dollars short.

This book contains a wealth of resources for writers. It is currently only $8.99 on Kindle and well worth the price. If you purchase it through this link, I will earn a small commission.

https://amzn.to/33sESxd

The first question is:

When you first started writing, why were you called to write?

I must have answered this question a million times in my head, but I think my best answer is found in my review on Readers Roost. You can also learn more about the book there.

https://ornerybookemporium.blogspot.com/2022/01/52-weeks-of-writing-guest-post-and.html

I'm going to plagiarize the most meaningful portion of my review.

I had to think back close to 51 years and I'm still trying to think of an answer to this question other than "I don't know. It just felt right."

I learned to read when I was four years old and by the time I was six, I had graduated from Dr. Seuss to Edgar Allan Poe. The first character I created was a fish named Bruce. Fortunately for Bruce, his adventures were much more Seussian than Poe-esque.

This question threw me off balance because I believed that "I don't know, it just felt right" was a flip answer. It took me more than a week to realize that it wasn't a flip answer, it's the answer that six-year-old me would have given. I didn't need a reason to write other than it feeling right. 

As I got older, it became ingrained in me to analyze everything until there was nothing joyful or organic left. 

So, there you have it. By the way, I'm allowed to rip myself off. I have my permission.

It's the middle of the month and I'm struggling with myself. Doubt always surges at this point. I think I've mentioned before that the beginning of the month starts out hopeful so I take on too much. By the middle of the month, I'm overwhelmed and hate myself for it.

My disability check comes on the third Wednesday of each month. This provides a modicum of respite. It doesn't last long. 

The end of the month brings the feeling that I can't possibly cock things up worse than I already have, opening the door for the hopeful stupidity that marks the start of the month.

There is a cyclic quality to this behavior, which is part of why for ten years I believed that I had type 2 bipolar disorder. At this point, I am quite certain that I do not, but the diagnosis made sense because of the pattern of behavior and because of family history.

The question is, what the fuck am I going to do about this?

The answer is, I really don't know. In the past couple of years, I have made significant improvements, but overall, I'm pretty well fucked. 

I live on average fifty miles from the nearest city. Going for weekly therapy sessions would be tremendously inconvenient and they didn't help me much in the past. I might respond to therapy with an artistic component. Mostly what I want is for someone to be my friend for an hour once a week, not someone who is going to try and prescribe me pills. The pills don't work for me and when I say that the response tends to be that I wasn't using them right. 

Fuck it. I'll keep working on fixing myself, although there is the risk of creating a monster with that approach.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

"I see. And how did that make you feel?"

Here's what I was listening to while I created this post.


Here's the direct link in case you can't see the video.

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)



Creative Commons License


This work is the intellectual property of Crazy Creatives Cheerleading Camp and Naughty Netherworld Press.

Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. Odysee’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on Odysee. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.

Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.

Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.

Come check out Readers Roost, the online book store featuring works by indie and small press authors. Discover your next great read at the Roost! It's the link you need when you wanna read.

Buy me a coffee

Or buy me a coffee here

Join me on Odysee

Join me on Patreon!
Subscribe for as little as $1 per month.

Get the latest literary happenings and slices of life in your inbox!

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

Write...Edit...Publish -- Online Writing Community: #WEP DECEMBER CHALLENGE #WINNER'S #GUESTPOST – ORN...

Write...Edit...Publish -- Online Writing Community: #WEP DECEMBER CHALLENGE #WINNER'S #GUESTPOST – ORN...:   Hello everyone! Denise  here!  Ornery Owl (Cie), the winner of the December Challenge Narcissus, won with her: Cheeky History With Ornery ...

Here is a guest post that I wrote for the WEP blog about writing with ADHD.