Fat Friday #2: A Constant Barrage of Hate Leads to Suicide Ideation--Shocker!

Dear Debby Ryan:

Your garbage fat suit doesn't look anything like an actual fat person's body or face. Fuck right off with that shit.

Love,

An Actual Fat Person Who Is Sick to Death of This Kind of Bullshit

This is a response to a post on Medium Daily Digest by Your Fat Friend.

A lot of the time, Medium Daily Digest is a trash fire of self-congratulatory mental masturbation. However, there are a few pearls of wisdom among the rubbish. This post is one of those pearls.

The following is my response to said post:

Oh, Honey, if I could reach through the computer and hug you, I would.

I will tell you first off that I'm a fat adult. I'm also a mythological creature. I'm a fat adult who is food insecure. I only eat one or two meals a day. I am not so disabled that I can't work at all, but I can't work anything even close to full time. I don't get food benefits. But I can't possibly exist because fat people are constantly stuffing our faces, amirite? The thing that makes my situation even worse is the fact that not only does the entire world think I'm a glutton when I'm half-starved, there is this horrible personality in my brain whom we can call ED.

As you may have guessed, ED stands for Eating Disorder.

ED praises me when I starve myself.

The thing is, all of society's revulsion and all of ED's praise don't mean doodly squat. I'm still fat. Not "a little bit chunky" fat. Full on fat. 300 pounds fat.

With all of my endocrine problems, it's extremely unlikely that I'll ever be anything but fat.

I yo-yo dieted, engaged in orthorexia, and tried to hate myself thin for 33 years.

When I was young, I would lose weight with my dieting attempts. It always came back with friends. Once I was in my late 30's, the weight stopped coming off. 

I finally discovered size acceptance and Health at Every Size.

Maybe if I'd stop receiving constant messages that I'm disgusting and worthless, I wouldn't always be thinking that I wish I had the courage to end things. Believe me, I hate myself. I despise what I see in the mirror. I think I'm the worst kind of failure. I'm not even allowed to see myself in a neutral light, let alone a positive one.

Shows like "Insatiable" do nothing to help. 

By the way, is that trash still on? I gave it a thumbs down immediately. I was utterly disgusted. When I was still able to work as a home care nurse, I would sometimes watch the Disney channel with my patient. I thought that Insatiable's star, Debby Ryan, had created a really cute show with "Jessie," which she both produced and played the lead role. I was utterly disgusted with her for going along with this "Insatiable" garbage.

You're fine the way you are. I'm fine the way I am. It's our society that's messed up and wrong.

Here's a link to my comment if you want to give me hand claps for it or something.

Conclusion:

Fat people are not here to be the butt of your shitty jokes for your shitty TV show or anywhere else. 

Fat people are bullied to the point of mutilating our bodies and sometimes to the point of suicide, and society sanctions this behavior.

Fuck right off with that shit. If you're the kind of person who sanctions bullying and scapegoating, you need to check yourself, because you're an asshole.

Also, fuck your concern trolling about fat people's "health." If you care so much about my "health," give me some fucking money so I can purchase adequate food. That will go a long way to improving my health.

Oh, but I can only be "healthy" if I'm fuckable in your eyes?

That's what I thought.

Fuck right off with that shit.

~Cie~

The Cheese Grates It: Fuck Your Fat Suit Wearing Bullshit

This is a clueless, conventionally attractive, thin privileged asshole in a fat suit.

This is an actual fat person. Also appearing: Crowley.

I don’t like sharing pictures of myself because people are assholes and are going to say stupid and obvious shit like “ur fat!!11!!!”, but I wanted to make a necessary point. Hopefully, one day we won’t have to make such points. It’s a huge fucking waste of time, and I’d rather be doing something else. That being said:

I don’t think I’m beautiful in any way, shape, or form, so don’t try the old “ur just trying to force all the menz to think ur beuateeful, u old fat bitch!!!111!!” crap on me. I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m beautiful. I don’t think I’m beautiful. But I do think I’m human, and I think that all people, regardless of whether or not they are “beautiful”, deserve to be treated with common decency. If you’re the sort of person who only treats people you deem “fuckable” kindly in the hopes that they will fuck you, you are a horrible person and need to fuck off now.

I have been both thin and fat during my life. When I was in my teens, I starved myself down to 108 pounds. I am five foot six now. I was probably a little over five foot four at that point. I have a big frame. There is no way I should ever weigh as little as 108 pounds. If I do, there’s something badly wrong with me.

Not that I need to justify my body to anybody, but I have a dead thyroid gland sitting in my neck being dead. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. I have type 2 diabetes, which onset when I was in my late 40′s and didn’t surprise me at all considering that my endocrine system is a complete dumpster fire. My pituitary doesn’t work quite right and I have some features of Cushing’s syndrome, although I don’t have the typical Cushing’s body: large upper body and thin legs. My weight is evenly distributed.

All that being said, I have a typical puffy endocrine face. I have a double chin.

I don’t look like someone slapped a clay tube under my chin the way Miss Clueless Fat-Suit Wearing Conventionally Attractive Thin Privileged Barbie Doll does.

I just look like a rather plain, garden variety, run of the mill, middle-aged fat lady that no-one would look at twice. I’m fine with that. I’m sick to fucking death of other people thinking it’s their business to tell me what to do with my body so I can look like Miss Clueless Fat-Suit Wearing Conventionally Attractive Thin Privileged Barbie Doll looks without her fat suit. No, I am not going to have my stomach amputated, not ever, unless I am unfortunate enough to get stomach cancer, and fuck you for suggesting that I should. I am not going to get injections of deadly pathogens injected into my face to smooth out my wrinkles. I am not going to have my hands bleached to get rid of my age spots. Fuck all of that ageist, fatphobic shit right to hell.

No, I do not eat all the time, so I don’t need to “lay off the Kentucky Fried Chicken and the McDonald’s.” I don’t like either of those. Further, I am actually food insecure and generally only eat one or two meals a day despite having diabetes, because I can’t afford adequate food since becoming disabled and only being able to work part time so I don’t lose Medicaid, which I need for my numerous health issues. Plus, I can’t work the kinds of physically demanding jobs I worked during the majority of my life anymore because of significant reversals in my health over the past few years. Punishing the disabled shows that a society is a huge fucking fail, if you ask me. 

And another thing:

As well as not looking like a thin-privileged asshole wearing a fat suit, being fat does not feel like wearing a fat suit.

It does not feel any different living in a fat body than a thin one. I don’t wake up every day and slap padding all over my body. The adipose tissue is simply part of my body.

If you want to depict a fat person, you need to get an actual fat person to play the part, not a thin-privileged Barbie doll in a fat suit.

Also, shit like “Insatiable” needs to not exist. It is inaccurate, it is offensive, it is mean-spirited, it is disgusting. This real, actual fat bitch says “enough.”

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~