April 2020 PAD Chapbook Challenge Countdown Catch-Up: Time

Image by FelixMittermeier from Pixabay

you can't

stop the passage

of time flowing away

rushing into the distant past

heartbreaking memories leak from my eyes

when thoughts of pain become too much

tears form a misty veil

heart of glass breaks

last time

~cie~

Carpe Diem Love Month: Animal Friends: Senryu

all my little friends

there have been far too many

can't do it again

~cie~

notes

There are people who have said to me when I say that I won't get any more cats because I can't bear to lose any more cats that I'm being selfish.

I lost five cats in the space of five years, and I've lost many more before them. There are many that I can't think of without it bringing tears to my eyes. I've also lost quite a few people. I am pretty well numb with grief. I think that it's cruel to tell someone in my position that they are being "selfish" for wanting to avoid further pain. 

Inflicting guilt on someone who is already suffering is the ultimate in thoughtlessness.

Carpe Diem Love Month: Lost Love Senryu

Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay

I know all too well

the feelings of hopelessness

many useless tears

~cie~

Carpe Diem Love Month: Unconditional Love for a Wonderful Friend

One of my best friends always

Lafayette

17 July 2009 - 17 July 2015

you came to see me

in a dream so real I knew

you were truly here

~cie~

notes

I've no intention of arguing the reality of this with anyone, so if you've a burning need to prove me wrong, kindly take it somewhere else.

Lafayette was one of the dearest friends I've had. He truly loved me unconditionally. He did not see me ugly, the way most of the world has. He did not judge my large size or my repugnant face in a harsh way. He did not judge my lack of success or my physical or psychological anomalies. He just wanted to be my friend and he was always very happy to have me come home. He sat with me when I worked. He never would have done anything to hurt me, but things went badly wrong with his body and he was taken from me much too soon.

Today when I slept, I was given the opportunity to be with Lafayette again for a while. I thank the angelic being who gave me this opportunity with all my soul. I thanked him for allowing me to be with my sweet, fluffy kitty once again, for allowing me to be with my dear friend.

When I had to leave that reality and come back to my body, it broke my heart. I wanted to stay with a friend who never saw me through eyes of disappointment or disgust. Still, this experience allowed me to break free from the fear of physical demise that has been plaguing me for many months. I now know that when I leave my body, I will be with Lafayette again.

I have been having a fair bit of trouble physically, and I am not given the assistance I need. The amount of insulin I've been prescribed isn't adequate. I will go for long periods of time without insulin, and it is damaging my body. I am fearful that it will eventually lead to a hemorrhagic stroke because of vascular damage.

I am actually quite good about being compliant with using insulin as necessary. I just need to be prescribed enough to get the job done. I often refuse to eat so I can ration my insulin. This isn't right, none of it is right.

This world has been cruel to me throughout my life. It is a world that is relentless to those who are different. 

By the way, if you're one of those people who feels a need to tell everyone how much you hate tattoos, now would be a great time to shut up about that too. I'm not forcing you to get one. This one is on my shoulder and will be for life.

I've not been doing very well either mentally or physically in some time. I have a strong sense of doom hanging over me, but after my visit with Lafayette, I don't fear it any longer. I just hope I am allowed enough time to get the rest of my shit in order so I don't leave my son with a huge mess to deal with when I'm gone. I worry about him. He really doesn't have anyone he can rely on at all except for me. That's a scary thing, considering how precarious my health is.

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: Reincarnation Wave

shrouded memories

wash to the shore like a wave

lives unremembered

shrouded memories

creeping up from the dark past

preying on my mind

wash to the shore like a wave

I wish I could float away

forgetting this strife

lives unremembered

hiding in my troubled mind

preparing to spring

~cie~

notes

We were given two Haiku by Jane Reichhold (1937 - 2016) with which to create a "fusion-ku," and from there, to create a Troiku. Here are Jane's Haiku. My "sleigh" is a Senryu rather than a Haiku, but so it goes.

a huge wave

thundering across the beach

my birthday

sky-clad

the new-born comes wrapped

in previous lives

Carpe Diem #1781: Dead Leaves

the leaves falling down

colorless on the cold wind

my heart breaks like ice

~Cie~

Notes:

I guess I came close to following the traditional Haiku rules, but if not, you can tell me that I suck and should go die in a fire like the trash poet (and excuse for a human being) that I am. For me, the expression is always more important than the rules, and it's difficult to teach a very old and stupid dog new tricks.

NaPoWriMo 2019: Day 18: A Soul Dull and Filled with Pain

I Blinked and the World Was Gone Version 5

Copyright The Real Cie

A life lost and lonely from first cry

A soul not soothed by any lullaby

Days are hopeless, dull, and filled with pain

Till the moment when the unwanted ones are left alone to die

~Cie~

Notes:

The poem style is Rubai. This is a brief poetry form requiring the story to be told in four lines. I believe I have accomplished this.

NaPoWriMo 2019: Day 7: Sorrow Inevitably Follows

Image by Stefan Schweihofer from Pixabay

The things that used to bring me joy

Are now viewed through a veil of tears

When I remember times now past

Memories leave a trail of tears

When I remember those I loved

I must suppress a gale of tears

I dare not ask for anything

I'll wind up with a pail of tears

Every story of happiness

Always ends as a tale of tears

~Cie~

Note:

The NaPoWriMo prompt asked for a poem about joy and gifts. Technically, this poem is about joy and gifts, just not about happy endings.

The form I used is the Ghazal. 

OctPoWriMo 2017: Day 18: Everyone Went On Eating

My life is a mess

She said, grieving her lost dreams

Feeling dead inside

At the family table

Everyone went on eating

~Cie~

Note:

This is autobiographical.

I didn't feel up to trying the Palindrome poem today and thought it would be most effective to keep my work brief.