Wednesday, November 4, 2020

I Eat Myself


Free use image by Christian Dorn on Pixabay

There is no calm at the eye of this hurricane

 I attempt to be stoic while confronting the fiasco

Of fools who think it is their duty to command in patronizing voices

That I oughtn’t to overeat

When I am sitting at the table

Minding my own business while having a cup of gelato

I am not given to overeating or veisalgia these days

I do not enjoy the feeling of having overdone things

But despite my tendency to moderation, which is no-one’s business but my own

People who don’t even know me take it upon themselves

To be throwing their derision in my direction

Because I dare to exist in public while fat

And even to eat where I can be seen sometimes

I try to stand sturdy like an ilex

I try to bear up under the heat like irons in a fire

I try to add a ferrule of positive thinking to my arsenal of weapons

But I can feel the whirlwind of self-loathing brewing in my psyche

Turning my soul indigo in the face of disdain known all too well

There will be no waterfall of tears

I learned long ago not to cry

But the desire to destroy myself surfaces in my soul

The need to vomit up all I eat rises in my gullet

The self-loathing starts to consume me, and I wish I could eat myself from within

Nibble myself down bit by bit until I disappear

I once wanted to be pretty

Now I just want to be invisible

I can rail about the fact that my body betrayed me

My endocrine system went awry

Fat is what I am

Regardless of what I eat or how little

Though I damn well should not have to feel beholden to explain such things

And nor should anybody else

When you see a fat person that you don’t know

You can say hello with a genuine smile in your voice

Just like you would say to someone you wanted to fuck

Now, wasn’t that easy?

No need to moralize anyone’s body or food intake or appearance

No need to make anybody feel

As if they should eat themselves until they waste away


369 words

prompts used

The brand spankin' new Weekly Scribblings badge was created at by me using a free use image by Pencil Parker on Pixabay.

Here are links to the definitions of the lesser-known words appearing in the poem.




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