Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Stupid Is...

I am well aware that my presence has no meaning in anyone's life

Trying to host a blog hop when you are about as popular as owl dung.
I really don't know what made me think that anyone would participate in a blog hop I hosted.
As it always was in real life, when I give a party, nobody comes.
Even to a party where you don't have to bring gifts.
I'm also no longer welcome at some of the photoblog hops I used to participate in because I'm not a professional quality photographer and I got my feelings hurt by a joke someone made at my expense. 
Further, I've received no personal emails from anyone since my Gmail account got hacked and I can't be sure if it's because my emails to people are now being sent to their Spam folder (turns out this was happening with my emails to my brother) or because people are trying to hint to me that they want me to fuck off.
I am not feeling very good about myself right now at all.
I was going to write a Tackle It Tuesday today, but the only thing I want to tackle is working up the courage to actually off myself instead of just having another dumb day of suicide ideation. I know everyone would cheer if I finally just fucking did it instead of thinking about it and never pulling the trigger, so to speak. (I don't even own a gun, so I'm not going to off myself that way.)
I also know ain't nobody reading this. I could say I was going to burn down an entire city and mean it, and nobody would give a fuck.
I'm too damn lazy to burn down a city, and I'm not a pyromaniac. I like fire well enough in its place, but that place tends to be a fireplace or a BBQ grill. I'm not a fan of arson.
The thing that sucks is when I get into a place where I think "fuck it, nobody's listening anyway, so I'm going to tell it like it really is," and then people get up in my face for telling it like it really is.
So, then I go back to being more measured in my approach, and I get no response.
Let me just say this.
Fuck everything.
One day I will off myself, and then the world will...
Not give one single fuck. 
And that's the reality of things.
Stupid is...
My very existence.
Believe me, I'm sick to death of me too.

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