Monday, June 11, 2018

The Cheese Grates It: Living With Borderline and Bipolar: No Sex or Romance

The person I was when I was younger had a tendency to choose extremely toxic "favorite people." This was a double-edged sword because I tended to be drawn to men who were "broken" in a predatory and abusive way and would try to fix them. I would end up badly hurt and would turn the anger inward on myself, hurting myself even more.
I have a lot of trouble forgiving my younger self. She did a lot of stupid, self-destructive shit and put herself in a lot of bad situations. It wasn't until I was in my forties that I finally started working some of the issues out. Hey, lo and behold, that was after I was finally properly diagnosed with type 2 bipolar. I was able to start working on some of the issues that were causing me misery and to heal the most important relationship that I will ever have: the one with my son.
When I write, romance is still a part of my stories, but I have no desire for a romantic relationship. It makes me angry that we women (and, to some extent, men too) were fed the bullshit that we have to be in a romantic relationship or having lots of really hot porny sex with hot porny strangers every night. Some of us don't want those things at all. For some of us, those situations are extremely destructive. This doesn't make us incomplete people at all, and I'm tired of a world that tells those who prefer to fly solo, perhaps with platonic friends for company, that we are some sort of half-person. We are not. 
Sex and relationships are not a requirement for everybody. It doesn't make you weird or a fuckup if you don't want one.
Saying that for my benefit as much as anything. I need to remind myself sometimes.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

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